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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate

OP posts:

MiddleClassProblem · 26/02/2017 20:53

Looked at old post and seems to be a genuine poster

LittlePaintBox · 26/02/2017 20:59

I'd arrange to meet elsewhere if her house is impossible at the moment, but I definitely wouldn't ask her to rearrange her house.

My oldest was into everything, and tall for his age so he could reach things that were meant to be out of reach, in a house like you describe I'd be on his case for the whole visit, which didn't make for a relaxing time.

Glossolalia · 26/02/2017 21:00

I'd kick anyone who told me to childproof my house out of the door.

Based on the rest of your post, I don't imagine anyone would be too sad about being kicked out of your house

giggly · 26/02/2017 21:24

Before dc I had a toy box for friends dc when visiting my house. They loved it and friends would feel relaxed knowing the kids were amused.

FurryLittleTwerp · 26/02/2017 21:29

I didn't move ornaments for my own DS & didn't expect anyone else to either.

Between the ages of 10 months, when he started to move, & 3 years, when he became more civilised, "no, don't touch that please" was my most oft-repeated phrase.

My handbag always contained various toys, to be deployed whenever s wherever required.

Your child is learning to be a grown-up civilised human being - you need to guide her.

Strygil · 26/02/2017 21:39

The OP's post stinks of the sense of entitlement which gets so many parents a deservedly bad name. She chose to have a child and so she is responsible for its behaviour. She has no right whatsoever to expect someone who made the choice not to have children to change their behaviour on her behalf. If her friend said to her, when she came to visit her house, that her daughter would be being looked after somewhere else for the duration of the visit, then I have no doubt that Mrs Snowflake would hit the roof.

MadMags · 26/02/2017 21:54

Ms Snowflake updated on page 7. In case you're interested...

NanniJ · 26/02/2017 22:10

My daughter always suggests I may want to hide anything precious when she calls with her Trio. Why on earth would I mind making it easier for her to visit me without too much stress?

myst · 26/02/2017 22:41

I a way I have this with my friends who have older children now and I'm the only one still with a toddler. I have just explained that it's easier right now if they can come to me as my place is as baby proofed as I can make it and he's into everything and I just can't relax when I'm out with him. At 18 months you just can't explain that he needs to leave the lovely shiny things/plants/china alone
They've all been very understanding

user1483875094 · 26/02/2017 23:37

Don't worry too much ... I was in a similar situation, although "opposite" I had no kids, and my best friend did, and I was a bit house-proud. My amazing friend used to pop in ... sweep the areas we were going to sit in, for fragile ornaments.. etc.. and quickly removed them, and sit her d.d. down on the floor with a drawing book - and then when she left, she would quickly put everything back!! That's why we are still such close friends 20 years later! xxxxxx

Irishmomma14 · 27/02/2017 01:26

To be honest I would prob let mine break something lol and next time I bet her nice stuff will be up out of tiny hands reach . It's exhausting having to keep telling your child " no " or " don't touch that " ! Kids want what they can't have naturally . I think you should just say it nicely to her that it's stressing you out . After all a friend is a friend and a friend without kids well they just don't get it yet that there are dangers . She's not being selfish she just doesn't have kids :) . These things are replaceable your child isn't . But teaching little ones no is also a good lesson in manners :)

awindup · 27/02/2017 04:13

100% YABU! If she wanted to child proof her house she would have her own child. Having chosen a single life it is not unreasonable at all to have things that would normally be dangerous to a toddler. Your friend obviously has a fantastic house and a very distinctive decorative Style and to remove that even for a short while once you have your coffee would disrupt her own equilibrium and well being therefore it is harmful to your own relationship with your friend if you continue down this route. You have to decide what your friends are valuable to you and invest in some kind of playpen or portable safe barrier cage system so your daughter has room to play and you and your friend can relax. Think about it differently if you can I wonder how you would feel if you took your very clean but unpredictable puppy..... whose responsibility would that be? I'm sure you would come up with yourself and therefore take responsibility. I'm not comparing your child to a dog only the nature of anxiety created by the unpredictable and potentially damaging behavioural pattern, the dog however becomes less emotive and you can therefore think rationally about your reaction ( an example would be leave the dog in the car or with a friend or maybe take a lead not too dissimilar from a child harness allowing your beloved pet some freedom but not enough to cause damage). It is the same with your child.

kali110 · 27/02/2017 06:20

You'd let her break something? Hope that's a joke?
If my friend did that they wouldn't be in my house again

toomuchtooold · 27/02/2017 08:28

OP YABVVVU honestly these people with their PFBs why can't they see that not everybody has the same priorities as them...
sorry only kidding I saw the update.
IDK though if I'd been the friend, before I had kids, I'd have been happy for the heads up, as although I would have tried to babyproof a bit I wouldn't have been that sure what the kid would be attracted to. There's a lot of chat on here about rights and entitlement and all this but it's not about that. Quite clearly the OP's friend has every right to have her house as she likes. OP's daughter has no right to touch any of the things. But OP's friend invites her over because she likes her and wants to see her, and the inevitable wailing of a 2.5yo when she can't have the shiny things must get in the way of that, so if the P was able to find a way of saying that to her friend without causing offence or implying that it was an order, they might be able to have a nicer time.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/02/2017 08:58

To be honest I would prob let mine break something lol and next time I bet her nice stuff will be up out of tiny hands reach

With that attitude, I don't think you will need to concern yourself with a next time...

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 27/02/2017 09:01

Easy solution - toddler doesn't go to friend's house at all - meet elsewhere until DD is old enough to not need places baby-proofing.

curlilox · 27/02/2017 10:12

Why not put together a bag of toys, colouring/sticker books etc that she only plays with when you visit your friend's house, so they are like a special treat for her.

morningconstitutional2017 · 27/02/2017 13:40

If I had a fantastically wonderful house with precious ornaments etc, I'd jolly well move these items before a visit. It's not much fun to have to constantly repeat, "Don't touch that, put that down" etc, etc and would make the visit stressful for both visitor and host.

Brokenfeathers · 27/02/2017 14:39

This so much. Bring a child's colouring book too. Honestly your friend us entitled to have her own things in her home. It's up to you to teach dd not everything is hers for the taking.

MrsKoala · 27/02/2017 14:50

Why not put together a bag of toys, colouring/sticker books etc that she only plays with when you visit your friend's house, so they are like a special treat for her.

Ahhhhaaaaahahahhaaahhhaaaaaaa. Sorry. i just love those suggestions. They crack me up. I have never found a toy/colouring/sticker book that my ds's give any amounts of shit about when there is a shiny new house full of stuff to break. And the 'it's called parenting' brigade can just bite me. Because of course none of us with children like that actually pay attention to or parent our children, oh no. We're too busy watching JK and eating scampi.

EurusHolmesViolin · 27/02/2017 16:05

Absolutely. Especially those of us who've had some kids for whom that would've worked/worked-ish at 2.5 and some for whom it wouldn't. We've definitely just bounced around between being amazing and terrible parents, alternating mummy perfection with flicking ourselves off to Homes Under The Hammer. Because the alternative would be that some children are different to those of the poster concerned. And that would be unthinkable.

Gottagetmoving · 27/02/2017 16:40

Its exhausting having to keep telling your child " no " or " don't touch that " ! Kids want what they can't have naturally

Yes it is...but it's your bloody job! Kids want lots of things but you have to teach them what they can or can't have.
It's not that difficult. It's a problem if you don't bother in your own house then take them to someone else's place.
Toddlers learn very quickly if they are told no and moved away repeatedly. They lose interest. If it's tedious for you that's just tough.

MrsKoala · 27/02/2017 16:54

Toddlers learn very quickly if they are told no and moved away repeatedly.

Do they? Is that all toddlers? None I know of.

Astro55 · 27/02/2017 16:57

Toddlers learn very quickly if they are told no and moved away repeatedly.

Yes they do! I have never moved stuff for mine or visiting children - although my DSis would come in and start shifting stuff so she didn't have to tell them No - she tried it in DM house who flatly refused - and DSis stopped visiting!

Leave our stuff alone and use NO! Gets easier!

Gottagetmoving · 27/02/2017 17:03

Do they? Is that all toddlers? None I know of

Could be you don't know anyone who is consistent and committed to teaching their toddler. The toddlers I have known who don't learn it have parents who give up.

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