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AIBU?

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Original poster

Transing a 4 year old

818 replies

ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 09:10

On Monday, all the children at my kids school were taught about being transgender because the parent of a reception kid have decided that X is actually Y and are now sending their kid in as the opposite sex and have changed their name.

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl and it was all very positive.

No parents were told before this happened. We only found out when the kids came out of school on Monday and told us.

AIBU to a) think that transing a kid at 4 years old is more to do with the parents not liking the fact that their kid prefers girls toys to boys toys and b) that the other parents should've been told before they showed our kids this film and promoted it all in school.

Its caused a lot of confusion with the younger kids who think you can change whether you are a boy or girl just by wishing it and didn't mention at all all of the problems that it can cause.

OP posts:
AquaLatte · 24/02/2017 10:06

The video (YouTube) DDs school showed was "I am jazz". And another one I can't remember something like "a girl named x"

Mehfruittea · 24/02/2017 10:07

I would be livid. My reception aged DS is a 'proper' boisterous boy. Loves hulk smashing and wrestling, football and robots. But he also wanted a doll for Christmas (and got it) a big cuddly unicorn, loves 'girls' cartoons as much as the ones aimed at boys and is as happy playing with a pink fairy castle as he is playing with a grey battle ready castle.

He knows what he likes, and he doesn't like being told that certain things are for girls and others for boys. He feels then that he shouldn't play with them. How has this video at school positioned gender neutral play?

hoddtastic · 24/02/2017 10:09

i would lose my shit if this happened at my school, both as a parent and as a governor.

Freddorika · 24/02/2017 10:09

a girl called Leo

I feel strongly about this as I am incredibly proud of my dd who has so far rejected most female stereotypes and yet is most definitely a girl

How is womankind supposed to push the boundaries of what is expected of them when girls are told that if they reject female stereotypes they are actually a boy??

venusinscorpio · 24/02/2017 10:10

They're promoting kindness and tolerance as their ethos; I think that's rather lovely.

I think you're very very naive.

Ev1lEdna · 24/02/2017 10:11

OP Have you made a written complaint to the school? I would like to know what they have to say about it.

I agree with teaching children to be kind to everyone, but it is quite another thing to be reinforcing stereotypes and claiming that deviation from them = gender dysphoria.

ToneDeafHamster · 24/02/2017 10:12

Christ, the more I read about this quite frankly batshit trans shit being foisted onto innocent children the more I lean towards the notion of homeschooling. If my child is not going to be safe from this brainwashing bullshit in school, she won't be going. Don't give a shit if anyone thinks I am a TERF either.

PacificDogwod · 24/02/2017 10:12

Who gives this kind of advice to schools??
Who thinks that fucking reinforcing gender stereotypes is a good thing?!

OP, I'd be livid too.
I would be prepared to take this to the highest possible level.

What kind of message does that send to other children? What IF you are a girl who likes all things 'girly' but you still want to become an engineer? There must be something wrong with you then, right??

FFS. It is beyond ridiculous. Angry

Funny things is, the trans people I know in RL find it all ridiculous too and don't actually feel more accepted or supported by such insanity.

Ev1lEdna · 24/02/2017 10:13

How is womankind supposed to push the boundaries of what is expected of them when girls are told that if they reject female stereotypes they are actually a boy??

Quite.

PacificDogwod · 24/02/2017 10:13

Or you are a boy/man and want to pursue a career in a caring profession? You have a great big beard and a deep voice and swill beer and go to football and like watching monster trucks but you want to be a nurse?!
Must be something wrong, clearly.
Hmm

Ev1lEdna · 24/02/2017 10:15

@Pacific Dogwood

Funny things is, the trans people I know in RL find it all ridiculous too and don't actually feel more accepted or supported by such insanity.

I'm really pleased to hear this. I am hoping it is a very vocal minority who are encouraging this kind of thing.

AntiQuitted · 24/02/2017 10:15

It would've been vital for me to be told if this happened at ds's school as he is autistic and can't actually tell me what he's done in a school day but could certainly understand the message. So I wouldn't be able to counter gender stereotyping crap and given that there are a large proportion of autistic people who are transgender it could lead him down what his brain would consider a "logical" path based on what he likes to play with.

It's not only harmful to all children to peddle gender stereotypes, it would be extra harmful to my very vulnerable little boy.

SocksRock · 24/02/2017 10:17

I'm a woman, I'm an engineer and I love knitting, sewing etc. I would be livid if my kids were told something was "wrong" with me because I don't conform to a very rigid narrow gender stereotype

venusinscorpio · 24/02/2017 10:18

I'm really pleased to hear this. I am hoping it is a very vocal minority who are encouraging this kind of thing.

It's a very political lobbying movement and I don't believe the emotional welfare of young children is their primary objective.

contractor6 · 24/02/2017 10:19

Yanbu. I would want to explain that to dd when I feel she's old enough.
As for making that decision at 4 its to young and there needs to be some proper investigation into correct age to choose, children are criminally responsible at ten years, meaning they are aware of the impact of actions which seems a more realistic age to make such a big decision.
Also what sort of pressure are we putting on children these days, I cant recall identifying as a girl as a child I was just a child.

themightymoog · 24/02/2017 10:21

FFS. the staff need a fucking serious talking to; as do the parents. 4 years old, Jesus Christ

fuxxake · 24/02/2017 10:21

Jesus wtf is wrong with the world. How about the schools concentrate on teaching 4 year olds their letters and numbers and to share and all that and let the 4 year olds worry about when Paw Patrol will be on again or when they can next go to soft play, not whether they have the wrong brain in their body?!! The number of people that have true gender dysphoria is actually tiny and it is inappropriate to open the subject up to impressionable kids when they are not ready to understand it properly. It's ridiculous. And that's not trans bashing that's just live and let live and don't force an actually quite rare occurrence down everyone's throats all the friggin time causing so much confusion and serious damage to young minds. Ffs.
Everyone knows most kids can go through a phase of feeling like the opposite sex, it's normal. It doesn't need to be acted on unless it's ongoing for years.

hoddtastic · 24/02/2017 10:22

speak to the governors/curriculum committee about this.

Ev1lEdna · 24/02/2017 10:22

@Venusinscorpio I do read the threads in the Feminist section and have watched Magdalen Berns. I know there seems to be quite the political heft behind it all but I still hold out hope that the vast majority of Trans individuals aren't behind this craziness.

I find myself very conflicted by it all.

PacificDogwod · 24/02/2017 10:23

Yes, IME transactivists are quite different people from 'normal' transpeople who clearly have had a very difficult life decision to make and now just want to get on with their lives.
Disclaimer: I know 3 - not exactly a statistically relevant cohort Grin

It's a very political lobbying movement and I don't believe the emotional welfare of young children is their primary objective.

I believe you are right there.

Original poster
ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 10:23

For people who want more info, I'm being vague as while I'm very angry about this, I don't want a very young kid to be fodder for the press.

I think young kids should be able to dress and be who they want to be without being told that they can only do that by changing whether they are a girl or boy.

OP posts:
OfftheCuff · 24/02/2017 10:24

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl

Whaaaaaaaaa? This is ALL KINDS OF WRONG.

I'm wearing jeans and a man's pullover today. I've got boxer shorts and no bra, and I probably bought my thick wooly socks in a man's section of a hiking goods shop.

I do a job which, less than a hundred years ago, women weren't allowed to do.

Oh dear, I've just found out, I'm A MAN.

It's such misogynist bullshit.

DJBaggySmalls · 24/02/2017 10:24

How is this not some bizarre form of Munchausens by Proxy. and how is SS not involved?

PacificDogwod · 24/02/2017 10:25

4 year olds want to be the opposite gender, a unicorn, be able to fly or breathe under water or any other number of amazing things, and that is part of the joy of being a 4 year old.
My DS3 loved his toy pram while still very clearly being a boy (seeing that he had a penis and all).

Honestly, does the world not have anything else to get het up about than children's imaginative play (which ought to be encouraged btw)?

BarbaraofSeville · 24/02/2017 10:26

What IF you are a girl who likes all things 'girly' but you still want to become an engineer. There must be something wrong with you then, right

Sadly this attitude prevails even amongst adults who really should know better.

I work in a profession that is about 80/20 male/female, most people have Physics degrees, masters or doctorates and we have a good mix of women in terms of how we dress, as you would expect in a normal world where people do what they like and what you say and do is given more weight than how you dress.

One colleague, as well as being extremely intelligent and has a masters in a physics related discipline is always very nicely dressed with hair, make up, false nails, dresses the lot, but still professional, although she does stand out amongst those of us who shuffle round in jeans, trainers, cardigans, pony tails and bitten nails.

The amount of bitching behind her back about the way she looks is unbelieveable, there is definitely an attitude that she is somehow in the wrong for dressing how she wants to dress in likes nice things, which is really sad and disappointing.