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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Transing a 4 year old

818 replies

ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 09:10

On Monday, all the children at my kids school were taught about being transgender because the parent of a reception kid have decided that X is actually Y and are now sending their kid in as the opposite sex and have changed their name.

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl and it was all very positive.

No parents were told before this happened. We only found out when the kids came out of school on Monday and told us.

AIBU to a) think that transing a kid at 4 years old is more to do with the parents not liking the fact that their kid prefers girls toys to boys toys and b) that the other parents should've been told before they showed our kids this film and promoted it all in school.

Its caused a lot of confusion with the younger kids who think you can change whether you are a boy or girl just by wishing it and didn't mention at all all of the problems that it can cause.

OP posts:
IamFriedSpam · 24/02/2017 09:21

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icanteven · 24/02/2017 09:21

Okay, sorry - you are cross about it. I went off on my own tangent thinking that you were being oddly chilled about it.

Ev1lEdna · 24/02/2017 09:23

I think I would make a formal complaint in writing about this. The thing which would annoy me the most is the fact it reinforces unnecessary gender stereotypes. Many children play with toys deemed 'girl' or 'boy' (mostly by marketing companies who love the colour pink) simply because they are toys to be played with and toys don't have a gender. My son loved pink and sparkly (until boys at school taught him not to to my intense irritation). More helpful than films like this would be films which smashed through these ridiculous stereotypes.

As for transitioning at 4 - I had no concept of gender at 4, nor did my children. At 4 you are just a child playing with things and it is highly unlikely you feel you are the wrong gender - far more likely that you had internalised stereotypes. I'd be so angry with a school who I trusted to take care of my children screwing with their heads like this.

I'm not dismissing transitioning out of hand but at 4 years old it is the parents with the issue and not the child.

JoJoSM2 · 24/02/2017 09:24

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BabyHamster · 24/02/2017 09:24

I am usually pretty laid back but I would be absolutely furious at this. How dare they tell four year olds that if you like "girls clothes" and "girls toys" then you need to have female genitalia?? Great way to reinforce stereotypes.

I'm sure they were trying to do the right thing but sounds like this has been handled very badly.

Babymamamama · 24/02/2017 09:24

Why don't you raise this up with the head teacher OP if you are so upset.

Original poster
ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 09:25

That is now my child decribed it to me IamFriedSpam.

I've reported myself to HQ along with the name of the school, child and the name of the video that was shown to my kids. For obvious reasons I'm not going to post my children's names or the school on here.

But for those of you who think this can't happen - guess what folks, it can.

OP posts:
Ev1lEdna · 24/02/2017 09:26

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Original poster
ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 09:26

Lots of parents have raised it with the head babym and we've all been dismissed.

I wanted to know if we were all being unreasonable for thinking this wasn't on.

OP posts:
SuperBeagle · 24/02/2017 09:26

"Transing"? Confused

SaltandPepperRibs · 24/02/2017 09:27

Transing a 4 year old is abuse and if that makes me a TERF, so be it.

Maudlinmaud · 24/02/2017 09:28

Unbelievable.

Floggingmolly · 24/02/2017 09:29

The school are almost worse than the parents for indulging this bollocks Hmm

BertrandRussell · 24/02/2017 09:30

Please put a link to the video on here.

notapizzaeater · 24/02/2017 09:31

I'd be angry too, that they didn't at least fore warn you so you could explain with your kids

Tootsiepops · 24/02/2017 09:31

Perhaps you should consider contacting the press, op.

I'd also be very interested to know the name of the video.

Original poster
ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 09:31

As you haven't revealed the sex of your own child, please could you tell me the name and location of the school?

Is the sex of my child relevant? Nope.
I've given the name of the school to HQ.

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 24/02/2017 09:32

Awful.
Isn't this just reinforcing gender stereotypes?

AquaLatte · 24/02/2017 09:33

Could you tell us the name of the video?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/02/2017 09:34

No such video exists to give kids the message that liking boys things makes you a boy or vice versa. OP is just starting another trans bashing thread

Gendered intelligence have a film that can be hired by schools it has quite a bit in it that has children talking about boy stuff and girl stuff.
It has a transgender education slant rather than a boys and girls can like anything one.

Freddorika · 24/02/2017 09:34

I don't doubt this for one minute.

dd3 is a tomboy and plays football. She's actually been TOLD by another kid that her parents think dd is trans.

That fucking I am Jazz documentary has a lot to answer for.

BabyHamster · 24/02/2017 09:35

To those doubting the OP, surely it's possible that the video didn't actually mean to give that message but the children misunderstood it (they are only four after all...) and/or the teacher didn't do a great job of explaining it when they discussed it after watching it?

Bardolino · 24/02/2017 09:36

I absolutely do believe this is happening, and I definitely believe that there's a video describing 'pink brain' and 'blue brain', that liking dolls = girls and liking football = boy.

There's another case in Scotland, <a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=metro.co.uk/2015/12/07/boy-6-becomes-britains-youngest-transgender-child-after-mum-found-him-trying-to-cut-off-his-willy-5549667/&ved=0ahUKEwiywOWStajSAhVFC8AKHRVtAXEQFggeMAE&usg=AFQjCNH7U4Rl5yXxn3ukknhtWwACpakpYQ&sig2=jJhL4ZsFUzWAbG6UJwqDKg" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Metro article here, which is exactly this. The Mum has set up a Facebook page to share everything about the poor child, which just leaves a nasty taste in my mouth: it just seems to be so much more about the parents than the child.

MuseumOfCurry · 24/02/2017 09:36

I'm also struggling to believe this is true. If it is, the Daily Mail will pick it up.

Willow2016 · 24/02/2017 09:36

Well as a child minder I seem to have had an inordinate number of 'trans' toddlers over the years!

Boys love to play with dolls, buggies and dressing dolls as much as girls do and girls arent averse to cars and trucks either.

Funnily enough none of them have been classed as 'trans' by their parents, what a load of bullshit. Kids play, its great that they learn from any toy they like. Hopefully boys playing with dolls and pushing buggies will teach them that not only mums do childcare Smile

If this is true or I had had a parent who had decided their kid was trans and decided to treat them as the opposite sex because they played with the 'wrong' toys I would have been reporting to social services. No 4 year old is a potential 'trans' just because they play with dolls Shock

Jesus the world is going to hell in a handcart.