Transing a 4 year old

[ShadowChancellor]

On Monday, all the children at my kids school were taught about being transgender because the parent of a reception kid have decided that X is actually Y and are now sending their kid in as the opposite sex and have changed their name.

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl and it was all very positive.

No parents were told before this happened. We only found out when the kids came out of school on Monday and told us.

AIBU to a) think that transing a kid at 4 years old is more to do with the parents not liking the fact that their kid prefers girls toys to boys toys and b) that the other parents should've been told before they showed our kids this film and promoted it all in school.

Its caused a lot of confusion with the younger kids who think you can change whether you are a boy or girl just by wishing it and didn't mention at all all of the problems that it can cause.

"How is womankind supposed to push the boundaries of what is expected of them when girls are told that if they reject female stereotypes they are actually a boy?? "

^This. It's time to fight back. But how?

The message that not conforming to gender stereotypes means your are the opposite gender is hugely damaging and a massive step backwards for the human race.

I am sure that wasn't the intended message of the video, but I am equally sure that all that matters is what the children took away from the video, which was apparently this very damaging message.

I would be absolutely appalled if my child had been shown something that made them think their gender is determined by their clothes and toy preferences.

How is womankind supposed to push the boundaries of what is expected of them when girls are told that if they reject female stereotypes they are actually a boy??

What about mankind pushing the boundaries of what is expected or required of boys?

We have such destructive and restrictive notions of masculinity nowadays.

Got to say I am beyond shocked at the way this has been handled by the school!

I am quite sure the school I work in would not have done this.

My stress over this is that I don't think many four year olds have anything like a stable sense of gender. I remember being really surprised that my second dd seemed to believe she was going to grow up to be a Daddy til she was really quite old (3/4 years), as he was her primary carer for quite a bit of that time. She just wasn't that certain about it all, so how could you be certain you are something else?

Deeply worrying, I feel like I have to start talking with my girls about this now, and teaching them to critique the idea that if they like to have short hair/play with boys toys/'feel' like a boy/hate their developing bodies (which is very common, who loves periods then?) then this still doesn't mean they are boys and will develop into men.

If this is true I would be approaching the LEA to ask their opinion about the video being shown without notifying the parents first. With sex education parents have to withdraw consent but are always given prior notice.

I'd have been cheesed off with this too, especially at four years old. We had a meeting at school about puberty and we watched the short video's the kids were going to be watching about this stage of their life. One of them was called "your bit's ain't nice", about personal hygiene, I remember this mom standing up saying, "you're not telling my son his bits ain't nice", fair point. The video wasn't shown. My point is, ours was a class of nine year olds being told about periods and body changes - that happens to everyone on this planet, transgender video's for four years olds is not necessary.

My four year old has told me he is not a boy, but a girl ("like you mummy"). I replied to say he is indeed like me in lots of ways, but as he has a willy it means he is a boy, like daddy.
Is this not the right approach?

I think that its masculinity that has to change too.

A girl can be a tomboy and wear jeans and t shirt and no one bats an eyelid. Boy wants to wear a dress - its a problem.
Most kids TV has mainly boy characters and are seen as for everyone, but anything with mainly girls in is seen as just for girls.

pointing out that, as the only details you've given are that your dc is one of x hundreds at this school, all of whom saw this video, you need have no fear of being identified by the school, so no reason not to reveal which school
If the school name was made public, I for one would find this a more believable tale

(and there's no reason for the school to want its identity kept secret)

Are you actually serious!

Asking someone to name their childs school (and as such their location) on a thread to satisfy your curiousity and stop you calling troll?

What shocks me are how many professional teachers have seemingly gone along with this.
If I was asked to show this to my children in school I would have the Union in.

I have encountered lots of gender-stereotype non-conformist 4 year olds in my time. It is normal - and actually a really valuable teaching point. 'Yes. This boy, x, likes to wear the fairy dress from the dressing up box every day (he used the tantrum at the end of the day when he had to take it off) and that's great, isn't it? Great that he likes something so much - and boys can like whatever they want and wear whatever they like, just like girls can. All we need to do is be kind and enjoy how different we all are.'

And then on with phonics.

The children completely accept it and should be encouraged to.

I would have walked out if all of those little drip-feeds of tolerance and acceptance were undone by a blue brain/pink brain video.

It makes me livid.

Oh - and, that boy is now at secondary school. He is gay. Not a girl. Just gay. And that worries me too - why are gay young people losing out on the message that they can love whoever they like, be whoever they like and enjoy whatever they like - but are instead convinced that they have to be a woman instead? It's backwards.

We have such destructive and restrictive notions of masculinity nowadays.

Yes, gender stereotypes are very damaging to boys/men too.

If my 7 year old dd had been shown a video like that in school I would be furious. Surely a note should have gone home to all the parents with the name of the film so they could view it themselves so they could be prepared to speak to their children. My dd has days where she is insistant she is a boy, its been going on since she was 3 and started playschool and preferred playing with boys . She wants short hair, to wear "boys" clothes, play with "boys" toys and would rather be a boy because they do cool stuff. She isn't trans at all. She just likes what she likes and feels to be into typically boy gendered things she must be a boy. Its just her black and white way of looking at things because she is a child developing and it my job as the parent to guide her and empower her that she can be and do anything she likes regardless of what others think.

I could be the cool mom who needs attention and decide to teach my kid what Trans is and lead her towards deciding she is trans. I have friends who are trans who I've known since college. They have lived as women as long as I have known them and recently finally finished transitioning and it was a hugely happy occasion for them. We all agree that my child is going through a phase and even if she comes to me as an adult to talk about transitioning then I will support her. An adult can make a decision that a child cannot. If my daughter saw a video in school saying she must be a boy it would create huge fall out and all the confidence I have instilled in my child to be who she is would be eroded in one fell swoop.

My friends are constantly horrified by friends or family commenting on young children who like the opposite gendered toys and clothes must be "like you". Its like they want to be so inclusive that they go the opposite way and see "trans" where it has no place being. My ds is 3. He loves Paw Patrol and is obsessed with Skye. He is head to toe pink, with skye toys, clothes, socks, costumes, pjs and hats. Bought for him by my own brothers because they know he loves them and he doesn't see gender or girls stuff and boys stuff. He loves dolls and shopkins because his sisters do and he can play with them. He is also loud, dirty and loves trains as his middle sisters does too. Surely thats just children, neither one gender or the other, just a child!

A girl can be a tomboy and wear jeans and t shirt and no one bats an eyelid. Boy wants to wear a dress - its a problem

Society needs to change. Not masculinity. Not feminity. Society.

because the parent of a reception kid have decided that X is actually Y pretty sure that isn't how it works...the parent doesn't get to decide, the child would be voicing it themselves, so unless X has decided they are Y, then I would say that X is still X and the parents are pissed off that their kid likes toys that they would rather s/he didn't.

I'd like to see the video. Gender stereotypes should not be reinforced in school. I would raise it with the governors, the LEA and social services if the school refuse to address their miscommunication.

I can't imagine this. Children are often 'prepared' though, if someone with a specific need or issue is joining the class.

So, perhaps if a child was intersex at birth, or there was some confusion, parents might start bringing s/he up as he then change to she as the child's personality developed. That's not transition, though, it's just an adjustment.

If it's real, talk to the school about how it was done and about parents being informed.

not my DD says she really wants a penis and to be like her dad. I say 'why?' and she says she wants to wee standing up. She also wants breasts so she can feed babies though.

She understands the biology and the limitations of each, and I have been honest with her about how good medical technology is now and might become. She is happy with that and plans to wait and see.

she is 5 yo.

Yep iamspartacus society is better way of describing it. Sadly society isn't going to change when its becoming the norm to do this.

Foureyes, gawd, yes, I had forgotten!
One of my boys wanted to grow up to be a woman 'like you, mummy!" and we had long conversation about how that was not going to happen. I think he did not like the fact that there was no choice (it was the phase they have were he would have a tantrum is told what t-shirt to wear, but if you gave him a choice of two, he'd quite happily get dressed), but very soon moved on.
I think now, aged almost 9, he'd be quite bemused if I reminded him of that desire

wouldn't it be nice if schools didn't have gendered uniform though! Then there wouldn't be be a whole 'X is now wearing different clothes, why is that then? ' problem.

I just wondered there's more to it, like the child may have some sort of x/y chromosome deficiency or something, which parents just found out...

I'd be raging if my children got shown a video like that, especially my 4 year old son. We already had to have a chat when he started school because he started saying he couldn't like the colour pink anymore, and couldn't play with dolls. If some idiot came along and showed him a video that told him liking dolls and pink mean he's really a girl it would really mess with him.

YANBU, I'd have been really uncomfortable with this and angry at the school especially for not informing me or letting me decide what my child gets told about such a subject. Aside from the fact the child is only 4 and I can't think how that child could have decided its gender at such a young age. I can only assume the parents thought the earlier they establish the change of gender the easier for the child if they are sure their child is the wrong gender. Who knows, that is the only thing that could make sense doing it so young.

But the school making such a deal about it to a bunch of 4 years olds is shocking. They are 4. Just tell them that X is actually a Y and their name is now xxxx. And leave it there. Kids are incredibly accepting of stuff at this age and probably wouldnt have batted an eyelid. They are far too young to understand all that and the real life consequences, all its done is confused them.

This is awful, that poor child. I hope I never get asked to do something like this, I'd probably get into trouble :(.

And as for the troll hunters and those trying to get identifying info: grr to you.