Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect any babysitter including grandparents to be sober

281 replies

mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:25

am trying not to get drawn into a text war with grandparents.

my take on this is that anyone looking after my DC, babysitter, family, whoever, should be sober. To me it's just a given, unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion and there are children playing at wedding or something, but even so I wouldn't get 'drunk' in a situation like that.

Grandparents are arguing with me and calling me unreasonable. saying that if they look after DC at their house they have a right to drink and I can't tell them what to do in their own home.

To which the only response I can really give is fine, you just won't be babysitting.

Context to this is when i've seen the grandparents babysit other DC in the family, IMHO they have not just had a little to drinks but quite a few units each.

I've probably provoked them now by saying that to drink while looking after children is negligent behaviour. But that is my opinion. They are fighting it along the lines of 'we are not negligent and you can't tell us what to do'.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Guavaf1sh · 21/02/2017 13:08

I think there is a split along the lines of whether drinking is a normal part of life or not. Some people hardly ever drink and see it as a 'special party occasion' and so it seems are then less likely to see it as acceptable to drink while babysitting. A great deal of people however drink as part of their normal daily routines a glass of wine or two some evenings and for them not babysitting due to drinking rightly seems ludicrous. Unless they're alcoholics it is perfectly acceptable

Squills · 21/02/2017 13:23

is it a baby boomer thing?

On what basis would you think this may be the case?

BaconMaker · 21/02/2017 13:27

I wouldn't be noticeably drunk in front of anyone's children. I'd have a beer or two with food over the course of an evening while looking after my own but no more. I wouldn't be noticeably drunk but then again I wouldn't consider driving (I never drive after drinking however small an amount).

Inertia · 21/02/2017 13:28

But the parents in this case are not just having a glass of wine over the course of an evening. They are drinking bottles of wine and beer at a fast enough rate to become noticeably drunk.

I'm not teetotal. DH and I sometimes have a glass of wine when we eat dinner with the children, or have a g&t when they've gone to bed. However, I don't drink if I am looking after somebody else's children, and with our own one of us is sober enough to be able to deal with an emergency.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 13:36

I absolutely agree. Been a huge fallout in our family recently. Not had my dad babysit for over a year and a half because he can't control his drinking.
Gave him another chance and came back to find him absolutely paralytic. Rinsing out a mug did not mask the smell of whiskey and then HE DROVE HOME!!!
General family consensus is we should have been grateful he babysat Hmm

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 21/02/2017 13:39

I think there is a split along the lines of whether drinking is a normal part of life or not

yes that's definitely coming across all through this thread

maybe if you have grown up around it, and it is normalised, you notice it less and also are more likely to consider it acceptable yourself. for some it is more a pastime, for others more a vice.

OP posts:
ZoeK177 · 21/02/2017 13:49

There certainly seem to be a lot of different opinions on this subject, personally I would not leave my children with anybody who thinks it is okay to drink more than one drink and still reasonably look after them.

If my parent's couldn't put down the booze for one evening/night to look after them, they wouldn't be looking after them.

PurpleMinionMummy · 21/02/2017 14:16

So should teachers, the poor sods who put up with 30 odd kids all day, be allowed to drink? I mean if a glass or two a day doesn't effect your capabilities, or mean you have an alcohol problem.... I'm sure it would help them through Grin

Katedotness1963 · 21/02/2017 14:32

If you don't trust them to babysit and look after the children the way you want, don't ask them and stay at home. We rarely went out when our kids were little. They'll be 16 and 18 this year and I can count the number of nights out we've had without them on my fingers.

pinkish · 21/02/2017 15:39

OP I think you have an instinct that the gps have a drinking problem and drink to a level of incapacity. The dropping fat on their leg story shows that.

I would not have them to babysit. If anything happens you'll never forgive yourself.

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 21/02/2017 15:39

purple an exceedingly good point Grin

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 21/02/2017 15:55

So what would you do if your Childs teacher smelled of booze 1st thing in the morning.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 16:06

Kate what a rude post! The night in question was my Discipleship Christmas party, I had arranged with my Sister for her to babysit. She let me down at the last minute and asked my Dad instead which I felt awkward turning down.
There's no medal for being a Mummy martyr and it doesn't mean you're a better parent than anyone else here!

FATEdestiny · 21/02/2017 16:29

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup, you are projecting. It doesn't matter what the night in question was for, if the only option for a babysitter is a (sober) alcoholic babysitter, it's no different to there being no babysitter.

If your sister let you down for babysitting during the Discipleship Christmas party and you had no babysitter - you wouldn't just go even though the kids were alone.

Just assume an alcoholic baby sitter means you have no baby sitter.

I'm not judging by the way. I once asked my alcoholic brother to babysit while I had a daytime doctors appointment, about 30 mins. He was sober when I asked him in the morning. He was 'odd' when he arrived at lunchtime. I asked him directly if he was sober (silly nativity from me), he lied. I went. He was drunk.

I only made that mistake once. I will never even consider him for baby sitting again. If I have no alternate, I will cancel or take the children with me, exactly as I'd have to do with no babysitter available.

Original poster
mylongawaitedlife · 21/02/2017 16:42

huh? have I missed something...

OP posts:
WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 16:44

I didn't actually say my Dad was an alcoholic so I'm not sure I'm the one projecting Confused
But yes, it did happen again. So we are back to paying a babysitter.
The point of my post was that Kate seemed to think the number of nights out you had had a direct correlation to how 'good' you were at being a parent.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 16:46

mylong no you didn't. I agreed with you and as always seems to be the case on mumsnet at the moment got a snarky menopausal induced parenting attack Angry

Katedotness1963 · 21/02/2017 16:49

Waitrose not quite sure what offense you've taken to what I've said. My reply was to the OP not your post, which I'm not sure I read. It has nothing to do with being a good parent or thinking I'm better than anyone else, but the fact is no-one needs a night out, you can live without them. If you cannot find anyone you trust to look after your child the way you want, stay home with your kids yourself.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 16:49

I wouldn't let anyone who was planning on drinking at all look after my children. No need for it - if you can't survive one evening without alcohol you have a problem. I think drinking alcohol is disgusting anyway and don't drink because I just don't get it, but I get other people do. Not looking after my children though. I like to know I can drive to the hospital if needs be. By the time you've called a taxi, who knows what could have happened?

Maybe I should start an AIBU to not get drinking thread Smile

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 16:51

And not sure if you read what you wanted from mine, where I said we pay a babysitter for that reason.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 16:52

Oh also, I'm a teacher and am strongly against teachers drinking on a school night. I've seen colleagues drive to school the next morning after a heavy night out, not be able to teach properly due to a hangover and on some occasions be clearly still under the influence while in charge of primary children.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 16:52

anxious I'm with you on that! Don't get this 'must have booze' culture at all!

Katedotness1963 · 21/02/2017 16:54

Snarky, menopausal, parenting attack?? Nice! Perhaps that comes from some guilt you are feeling?

PurpleDaisies · 21/02/2017 17:04

Oh also, I'm a teacher and am strongly against teachers drinking on a school night.

Anyone so hung over it affects their work, still over the limit or smelling of booze is obviously totally unprofessional but again there's a failure to distinguish between a safe and sensible level of drinking (eg a glass of wine) and getting totally blotto.

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 17:07

Oh also, I'm a teacher and am strongly against teachers drinking on a school night. I've seen colleagues drive to school the next morning after a heavy night out, not be able to teach properly due to a hangover and on some occasions be clearly still under the influence while in charge of primary children.

Once again though there is a clear disparity between having a drink and getting drunk. The post said 1-2 glasses of wine not bottles.

Swipe left for the next trending thread