Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Original poster

to expect any babysitter including grandparents to be sober

281 replies

mylongawaitedlife · 20/02/2017 21:25

am trying not to get drawn into a text war with grandparents.

my take on this is that anyone looking after my DC, babysitter, family, whoever, should be sober. To me it's just a given, unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion and there are children playing at wedding or something, but even so I wouldn't get 'drunk' in a situation like that.

Grandparents are arguing with me and calling me unreasonable. saying that if they look after DC at their house they have a right to drink and I can't tell them what to do in their own home.

To which the only response I can really give is fine, you just won't be babysitting.

Context to this is when i've seen the grandparents babysit other DC in the family, IMHO they have not just had a little to drinks but quite a few units each.

I've probably provoked them now by saying that to drink while looking after children is negligent behaviour. But that is my opinion. They are fighting it along the lines of 'we are not negligent and you can't tell us what to do'.

AIBU?

OP posts:

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 17:11

It depends on the person though, surely? One glass would make me drunk. I wouldn't be able to teach and certainly wouldn't be able to drive.

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 17:17

Not the night before though, perhaps with your breakfast. Unless you are just someone who reacts particularly badly to alcohol, or is allergic to it because some people do/ are.

CurlyMango · 21/02/2017 17:18

Agreed, one of them needs to be able to drive if needed.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 17:21

I'm allergic, but I wouldn't drink even if I wasn't.

UpWithPup · 21/02/2017 17:21

unless for example family are all at a ver special occasion

For me, this is where the argument falls down. Either you think it's OK, or its not. You can't introduce exceptions to suit.

Oblomov17 · 21/02/2017 17:22

So get a babysitter. Problem solved.

PurpleDaisies · 21/02/2017 17:23

It depends on the person though, surely? One glass would make me drunk. I wouldn't be able to teach and certainly wouldn't be able to drive.

Neither would I but I don't tend to drink before I go to school.

Does one glass of wine give you a raging hangover? That's very unlucky. Unless you have some sort of problem metabolising alcohol there's no way you'd be unsafe to drive the morning after having had one glass of wine with dinner.

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 17:24

Well that's entirely your choice Anxious, drinking is not compulsory. But your colleague staggering in hungover didn't have 1-2 glasses the night before is my point.

MamaHanji · 21/02/2017 17:35

Yanbu If they are over the limit to drive, that's too much alcohol to babysit. It may be their house and their choice what they do inside it. But they are your kids and if they can't respect your 'reasonable' conditions, they can't babysit. But I don't drink at all, especially since having children. Sometimes I wish I did though. A glass of wine in the evening would be lovely.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 21/02/2017 17:43

But I didn't think you MEANT to make anyone feel guilty Kate? You're hilarious dear.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 17:44

I'm allergic, purpledaisies

No, they didn't have one or two glasses. They most definitely have a drinking problem.

I still don't think it's OK on a school night.

barinatxe · 21/02/2017 17:58

YABU to assume a babysitter will not drink at all unless you've told them in advance that you require them to be sober. Tell them that if they want to drink then you will make alternative arrangements.

An alcoholic of many years' experience in both babysitting and drinking will sometimes be better at looking after a child after half a bottle of wine than a completely sober person who doesn't know what they are doing.

I don't think it is acceptable or fair to assume that a babysitter won't have a few drinks if you haven't warned them in advance so they can pull out if required. Obviously you wouldn't want to leave your child with someone whose judgement will be impaired for any reason, so just make sure you make your demands clear and don't allow anyone to babysit for you again if they don't abide by your rules. Even if they are doing it for free, even if they are a relative.

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 17:59

I still don't think it's OK on a school night.

Why? It is fine for you to live your life as you see fit, but other people can also do the same.

PurpleDaisies · 21/02/2017 18:03

I'm allergic, purpledaisies

No, they didn't have one or two glasses. They most definitely have a drinking problem.

I still don't think it's OK on a school night.

I cross posted with you. I'm Beth surprised you think it isn't ok for someone in a responsible job (I assume you hold the same opinion for doctors etc) to have a glass of wine the night before work. There will be no alcohol left in their system by morning. It doesn't affect people who aren't allergic in anything like the same way as you.

PurpleDaisies · 21/02/2017 18:03

Beth?! That should say "very".

Mombie2016 · 21/02/2017 18:08

ExH isn't allowed to see our DS due to his alcohol addiction. Court ordered.

However his sister has no issue leaving her 3 year old DS alone overnight with ExH. And she buys him beer to drink to get him to babysit.

I was raised by alcoholics and it was deeply unpleasant.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 18:13

True and I'd never say anything. I just don't personally think it's OK. Each to their own as long as it doesn't have an influence on their driving /teaching.

I just don't get it. Sorry but I don't. It's nothing horrible or personal, I just can't understand why people need a gin or glass of wine to enable them to relax, enjoy something or socialise. It's odd. Plus spending £3-4 on one glass of a liquid? Have a cuppa!

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/02/2017 18:14

Only one of us drinks or neither of us here if we're looking after kids. Someone needs to be able to drive and I wouldn't risk any alcohol if I was getting in a car. My parents were the same. I'm quite an anxious person though and so was my mother!

PuppyMonkey · 21/02/2017 18:50

Did somebody invent a rule that you can't look after kids if you can't drive? This will be news to my two sisters and several friends who can't drive because they never learned and haven't got a car.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/02/2017 19:20

Puppy it is in reference to whether you would be over the limit regardless of whether you have a licence or not

PuppyMonkey · 21/02/2017 19:24

Doesn't seem everyone means that Oliversmammy. See post above mine: " Someone needs to be able to drive."

Basicbrown · 21/02/2017 19:26

I just don't get it. Sorry but I don't. It's nothing horrible or personal, I just can't understand why people need a gin or glass of wine to enable them to relax, enjoy something or socialise. It's odd. Plus spending £3-4 on one glass of a liquid? Have a cuppa! grin

Of course you don't get it you are allergic to alcohol so to you drinking is not a pleasant experience .

kel1234 · 21/02/2017 19:29

I wouldn't have a problem with someone having a drink while looking after my child, as long as they were still fine to look after him. However if they were clearly drunk then no I would not be happy.
But yes I would have a drink even looking after someone else's child. I know my limits and one drink will not even have an effect on me at all.

anxious2017 · 21/02/2017 19:32

It started in my late 20s, when I was diagnosed with celiacs. I was always able to drink alcohol without any problems, so I am aware of what it is like to be able to drink, as I did my fair share when I was much younger. I still don't get it.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/02/2017 19:32

Well there are two of us, and we both have licences... I just feel better if at least one of us is able to drive while we're in charge of DC.

There are plenty of things that I would want to go to A&E for, but not call an ambulance for, and I wouldn't want to rely on the minimal taxis available here - 30 min wait sometimes - and we have no family near by.

Just personal preference isn't it. I'm not saying everyone should be like us and I do acknowledge I'm an overly cautious person.

I didn't learn to drive til I moved out of London, I never needed to before.

Flip

1 2 ··· 7 8 9 10 11 12

Swipe left for the next trending thread