To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

[CherrySkull]

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

If you are a full time carer should you not be up, caring for your son, full time, as it were?

I think not having the structure of a regimented working day allows you to stay up late and that's great, but not if it's to the detriment of your relationship.

"if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?"

But you're not getting up with them-you're going back to bed!

4-5 hours sleep a night is not enough to go through the cycles of REM and deep sleep that you need. Yes, people can survive on that, but it is very bad for you: it increases your blood pressure and risk of chronic diseases like type 2 diabetes. If you drive, you are also at greatly increased risk of accidents.

I truly sympathise with the boredom and frustration of being unable to sleep - as an insomniac and shift worker myself. But using a computer is the last thing you should be doing - the light from the screen prevents your melatonin level rising, which you need for sleep. A book or the 1st generation Kindles (no screen light) would be much better.

For your own health, you should be cutting down on computer use and at least giving yourself a chance to sleep.

OP, what age are your DC? A number of posters have asked this already but I can't see a response.

My partner being up so late would piss me off too OP. What time do you then roll out of bed? Does he miss out on time with you during the day? What if he wants to spend time with you of an evening - do you do that?

Jeez! She only stayed up until 4:30 once during half term.. I think a lot of people here are making a massive deal out of this! Also being online for a few hours on a night doing something she has real interest in after the kids have gone to bed is fine!
YANBU, if my husband kept nagging me to go to bed on my one time up late I wouldn't be happy, especially as he seems to be up a lot himself! Double standards if you ask me.
As a side note, people do what they do to wind down after a long difficult day, even if the op was gaming all night, who gives a flying bat. That nor going back to bed for an hour ONCE doesn't make you a bad mother.

I never lie in beyond 8.30 at the latest and would consider a 2a.m. bed time almost as bonkers as 4.30 tbh. But it's a question of whether it works for the people in your house or not. I can't imagine having a routine where a 2 a.m. bed time wouldn't disturb others' sleep, but if 2 a.m. is fine with your dp and the 4.30 was just a one-off, then no big deal. I can't help thinking your lack of sleep might be damaging your health even if you don't know it yet though.

If its a one off maybe he is unreasonable. But to be honest I would feel very sad if my DH didn't come to bed with me at least most of the time. Its when we can chat about our day, cuddle and just generally reconnect without others around. And I have two autistic sons so I understand the sleep interruptions but we have always tried to maintain a close relationship. Maybe he woke up and wondered if you had realised what the time was. It seems a bit dysfunctional to stay up on a computer all night. And not a great example to kids either.

You're his full time carer but you don't get up with him? My ex partners mother was basically addicted to online gaming with people all over the world. She'd be up all hours neglecting other things and it was just dysfunctional. I don't understand why teenagers do this type of thing let alone grown adults.

You sound a bit aggressive. Or perhaps overtired.

^ I agree

I think it's a bit U. DH will stay up late even though he's working because that's what he does. It used to wake me up and he won't change so now we have separate bedrooms. If he was up very late I wouldn't settle properly because I knew he would come up and wake me up. So I don't think it's unreasonable to stay up to do your hobby but you should sleep somewhere else if you do.

It sounds like your dh wants you to parent your kids and not go back to sleep.
He probably feels as you won't be your best if you go to bed at 4.30am
I can understand why you stay up late to settle your child, but once that's done, why not go to bed.
I think it is your dh business as he is trusting you with his children and wants the best for them.
I know where you are coming from as I rarely go to sleep before 2am, but I have no small dc and work early evenings, so like a lie in.
You can't do what you do and go back to sleep leaving kids to their own devices, it's not fair on them.

Again, for those who are refusing to read...

The OP stayed up late ONE TIME. Went back to bed for an hour and was up by 9am.

YANBU, especially as I read your update as meaning your DH was in the house as you made him lunch but didn't seem able to take care of his kids while you had a late night and a rare sleep in.

It's so funny on mn recently there was a thread where the op complained about her exh not getting her daughter breakfast and staying in bed till late morning , when he only gets to see her very rarely. Cue lots of outraged people saying he deserves a lie in , I'm never up with my kids at 8am on a Sunday, can't she look after herself. It's totally the reverse here. I wonder if some of them are same posters - the terminally yabu types - with their usual phrases- entitled,, it wasn't like that in my day, stop whining I had it far worse ad nauseum.

People are being ridiculous on this thread

Dutch RTFT yourself - she never goes to bed before 1-2 am and never gets more than 4-5 hour sleep.

Deblet, we do that when the kids go to bed at 7.30. :)
We always spend a couple of hours together with no distractions to have a cuddle in our bedroom and reconnect. Dh will either then go to sleep and i'll come back downstairs, or he'll come down with me and switch his PS4 to play for a bit, then goes to bed about midnight, I follow up at 2.

I also have a wonderful mum who has the kids for a sleepover once a month to allow us time for a date night, and an uninterrupted nights sleep.

I thought it was ds who she made lunch for Dutch

OP, you're getting a bit of a kicking here because a lot of people regard being awake early as a moral quality bit awake late as an immoral one. It seems to be bred into us.

Since the child you care for is usually awake until 2am then staying awake 2 1/2 hours longer does not seem unreasonable. That's probably what most people here do.

I would have a chat to your husband though and point out you don't hustle him off to bed when he's up late and would he like it if you did?

What me and my partner do is ask each other "are you happy with your choices?" Or sometimes admit "I'm making bad choices" so we know whether to oersuade each other to come to bed or leave each other to it.

So I think YANBU but you do sound a mite prickly so there's probably something to look at here.

How old are your dc's Cherry?

Not prickly, i'm laughing at some of these answers.. i'm just a rather blunt person!

YABU to think it's none of your DH's business that you regularly stay up very late and occasionally stay up almost all through the night.

This sort of thing became your DH's business when you decided to have children together, as the impact of long-term, chronic poor sleep will without doubt be impacting upon your mood, health, tolerance levels, energy, and (on some occasions) on your ability to be able to stay up out of bed with them in the morning.

We've all had the odd, rare lie-in or "back-to-bed-after-b'fast" occurrence after a late night out or friend's wedding or similar (with kids having been fed, watered, and ensconced in front of CBeebies). So it's not really this one-off occursnce tgag is the problem OP. It's much more about the fact that you yourself say you regularly stay up until 2.30am (and by 'regularly' I'm guessing weekdays/schooldays etc), which really and truly cannot be doing you or the family dynamics much good.

Your DH probably can see the above damage, and is trying to get you to change things a bit for your family's sake.

Perhaps your strong reaction to this is a form of denial/defensiveness? Maybe if this has touched a nerve it's time to take a step back from your hobby a bit, to examine if there are some addiction issues going on?

OP, you're getting a bit of a kicking here because a lot of people regard being awake early as a moral quality bit awake late as an immoral one. It seems to be bred into us.

Err, no, I've had late nights myself. What I've never done is have my children wake me up, make their breakfast, and then gone back to bed.

Her husband was in the house with the kids....

I'd be annoyed at you disrupting my sleep if I was your DH, that's without even considering children