Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

388 replies

CherrySkull · 20/02/2017 13:23

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

OP posts:
Original poster
CherrySkull · 20/02/2017 15:20

DD is 9, Ds is 11.

Ds spent all day in his bedroom next to mine, DD was playing minecraft on her xbox in her room, I could hear both of them.

They weren't roaming the house marauding and pillaging and playing buckaroo with the cats Wink

OP posts:
Frillyhorseyknickers · 20/02/2017 15:20

I'm assuming you avoiding the question (repeatedly) RE children's' ages means they are both quite young?

Hgmother · 20/02/2017 15:21

They weren't roaming the house marauding and pillaging and playing buckaroo with the cats

Now that would have been an interesting post!

SteppingOnToes · 20/02/2017 15:22

Also you claim you struggle to sleep - well you will if you are using screens before bed. Sleep therapists recommend at least an hour screen free to facilitate sleep

Original poster
CherrySkull · 20/02/2017 15:22

Runcible, DH doesn't 'mind' me staying up until 2am, its part of what I have to do because of DS, I haven't gone to bed earlier than that in years.

The objection was literally that i stayed up ONE NIGHT later than usual.

good grief.

OP posts:
Hgmother · 20/02/2017 15:22

The kids are 9 and 11...

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 20/02/2017 15:23

Hg she hadn't mentioned her Dh being in the house too.

SteppingOnToes · 20/02/2017 15:23

All day playing Minecraft? You use the Xbox to babysit so you have have a late night?

Hgmother · 20/02/2017 15:24

Hg she hadn't mentioned her Dh being in the house too.

Sorry I thought I read that. My mistake

Willow2016 · 20/02/2017 15:25

The 4.30 is a ONE OFF because its Half Term, and we never go anywhere on the first couple of days as DS spends all the time in his bedroom with all his sensory equipment and lights decompressing, so DD and I have to find things to occupy us indoors or in the garden until DS is ready to go out.

He's in there on his tablet, he's only spoken to say thank you when I gave him his lunch

Which part of this is difficult to understand? Her DS doesnt want to interact with anyone for the first couple of days of the holidays, he just wants to chill out in his room to destress, quite common with kids on the Autistic Spectrum.

OP doesnt need to be holding her ds' hand every minute of the day, he does his own thing in the mornings without help.. seriously all this angst about her not 'caring for him' !

Why are people still asking if its every night? Whats her sex life got to do with one night to herself doing a hobby she enjoys?

You would think she was slugging vodka and snorting coke till 4.30 the way people are reacting!

Still nobody has answered why its ok for her dh to do this till 5 and 'leave HER on HER own in her bed' (wtf? do we all need a hand hold when we go to bed? Cant anyone go to bed on their own once in a while?) and not ok for OP?

Runcible:
Did you even read the bit where she said her ds is regularly up until 2am so she HAS to stay up for him, she isnt doing it for jolly japes!

squishee · 20/02/2017 15:27

OP: AIBU?
Majority verdict: Yes, YABU
OP: No I'm not.

So why the thread?

Kiroro · 20/02/2017 15:28

OP is getting such a hard time!

I do not think you are U OP, but nor do I think it sounds like an awesome marriage all round at the moment.

Hgmother · 20/02/2017 15:28

Because most people are misreading / completely ignoring tha facts of the op

hareagain · 20/02/2017 15:28

Op I think you are getting a bit of a hard time here.
I agree that you should be able to choose your own bedtime if no one else is really suffering and from what you are saying, I can't see that they are.
My SIL goes to bed whenever her DH does or gets sulky if he doesn't go with her which I've always found a bit strange tbh.

Original poster
CherrySkull · 20/02/2017 15:29

You use the Xbox to babysit so you have have a late night?

really?

OP posts:
Willow2016 · 20/02/2017 15:29

Stepping toes
Are you for real?
All day playing Minecraft? You use the Xbox to babysit so you have have a late night?

This was ONE night she stayed up later, one fecking night!!! SHe doesnt need sleep councilling from you, she hasnt slept more than 4 - 5 hours a night in years due to her son ffs!

Seriously an hour on the xbox isnt going to damage her dd for life! Mine do that whether I am here or not in holidays!

gandalf456 · 20/02/2017 15:30

I'd say yes to your question normally but I think 4.30 is very late if you're not at all party or something and it's a normal night

Chloe84 · 20/02/2017 15:31

Lesismiserable

If you are a full time carer should you not be up, caring for your son, full time, as it were?

OP said she was up and dressed by 9am. Did you miss that?

Did you also miss that OP said her DH stays up gaming till 5am sometimes?

No it's not unreasonable. He's got every right to want his partner in bed next to him and I'm surprised you find it a problem.

Are you serious? You know that Eve was detached from Adam's rib don't you?

OP

YANBU at all. It's clear you're not neglecting your children, and we all deserve to wallow in the internet until the early hours at times.

Fakenewsday · 20/02/2017 15:32

ah well, then YANBU if they're 9 and 11. I'm fervently hoping I'll get the odd lie in when mine are that age...

Chloe84 · 20/02/2017 15:34

Squishee

OP: AIBU?
Majority verdict: Yes, YABU
OP: No I'm not.

So why the thread?

Maybe if people stuck to the facts when responding, OP would have more respect for their opinions.

Original poster
CherrySkull · 20/02/2017 15:35

Our marriage is actually the strongest its been for a while right now. As I said, we take time for each other when we put the kids to bed.

DH worked nights for years, not being in bed with each other is not a problem.

OP posts:
LesisMiserable · 20/02/2017 15:35

You brought Adam and Eve into it? Really?! On that basis why not sleeping beauty Grin

LesisMiserable · 20/02/2017 15:36

OP, you're absolutely bob on then. As you were.

foodtime · 20/02/2017 15:36

The hard time the OP is getting is so utterly bazaar.

It's just turned into a smug competition.

OP I would be annoyed with my other half telling me what time I should go to bed.

bigearsthethird · 20/02/2017 15:38

Its only his business if its affecting your relationship or your ability to function the next day. You say it doesnt affect any of these, so really I don't see why he should have a problem with it. Maybe he was worried you wouldnt cope the next day if you were too tired?

Swipe left for the next trending thread