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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

388 replies

CherrySkull · 20/02/2017 13:23

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

OP posts:
DoIDareDisturbTheUniverse · 20/02/2017 23:16

How on earth do you manage to function through the day going to bed at 4.30 am?! Not a criticism, a genuine question - I was still at uni when DS was younger and one time I stayed up until 4.30 am finishing an assignment. As a single parent I had to get up with him when he woke two hours later. The day was a massive struggle and I was asleep as soon as he was that night. To do that on a regular basis... wow

flumpsnlumpsnstuff · 20/02/2017 23:17

Oh my days, poor op what a hornets nest Confused no YANBU for staying up late one night during half term or for going back to bed for one hour whilst you're dd and ds are happily occupied at their ages. Hth WineFlowers oh and I love your hobby.

glitterazi · 20/02/2017 23:22

How on earth do you manage to function through the day going to bed at 4.30 am?!

With difficulty. It's like being a robot some days. You're on autopilot if on the computer until small hours. Functioning, but not on full capacity even if you feel like you are.
(I speak from experience.)

SumThucker · 20/02/2017 23:23

To be fair, flump it took over 100 posts for the OP to answer the question of how old her children were (relevant to how she was being answered).

That set the tone of the thread, you are now reading with the benefit of all the posts.

Willow2016 · 20/02/2017 23:34

DoIDare
Once since Xmas is a regular basis? Really?

glitterazi
You continue to liken everyone to yourself. We are not all the same. I function perfectly well going to bed at 12.30/1 am most nights, I manage to get up to get kids to school, work and still be up and perfectly awake at 11.30 the next night! Its really not that difficult if its how you have been for years.

glitterazi · 20/02/2017 23:45

When you have to go back to bed during the day as you're too tired from online gaming like the OP said she did, then that does become a problem.

Bumply · 20/02/2017 23:47

I do out of hours support 7 nights a month.
If I get woken up at 2 am it's a nightmare getting back to sleep after, and if I knew that was going to happen I can imagine choosing to stay up and then sleep better afterwards.

DixieNormas · 20/02/2017 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glitterazi · 20/02/2017 23:53

She wasnt gaming, and went back to bed for an hour once in the holidays

Yes,she was. She was " text based LARPING." In other words, LARP but more text based. So that's like saying tomaydo, tomato.

TheStoic · 21/02/2017 00:11

If this was a 'one-off', OP - was it also a one-off for your husband to comment on you being up so late?

Bet you're glad you started this thread over a one-off. Grin

HaveAWeeNap · 21/02/2017 00:21

What happened to the good book and an early night offline, Glitterazi?

glitterazi · 21/02/2017 00:29

What happened to the good book and an early night offline, Glitterazi?

I know Blush as I said, it's a bloody hard habit to break! Which is why I have every sympathy with the OP. Been offline before midnight more times than I haven't though lately.
I really don't know why you'd come on here asking if you're being unreasonable for staying online until stupid o clock, having to go to back to bed as you're too tired and then not liking the answers when you do get them though.
Kind of like why bother asking in the first place? Just crack on with it if you're happy it's all alright. Stay up until 2am every night gaming (sorry, text based LARPING before anyone jumps on me it's not gaming), dh usually goes to bed several hours before and wonders when you're coming to bed.. all's OK,then. Why post if you think it is?

HaveAWeeNap · 21/02/2017 00:40

Sorry. My post may have come across a wee bit goady. I just remember seeing your post at around 6pm ish and thinking: she won't go to bed early! Smile

glitterazi · 21/02/2017 00:54

Sorry. My post may have come across a wee bit goady. I just remember seeing your post at around 6pm ish and thinking: she won't go to bed early!

Grin I honestly had every intention of going to bed early. I've still got my book picked out and sitting where I left it on the sofa earlier. I might get DH to confiscate my phone and hide the laptop tomorrow night. It's my only hope lol
38cody · 21/02/2017 01:22

weird that he dictates in that way - if it suits you and kids are not affected then no problem.

Ftlofg · 21/02/2017 09:47

dh usually goes to bed several hours before and wonders when you're coming to bed. Nice bit of fiction there. Her dh doesnt usually wonder when op is coming to bed. He knows that it is normally about 2amish as op has to settle her ds. This one off when the op went to bed at 4.30 was when her dp wondered when she was coming to bed. One off. Not Usually. not regularly. not all the time. Once, since Xmas. And that is what op was asking in reference to, this one time since Xmas.

NerdyBird · 21/02/2017 11:19

OP - does your husband mind when you remind him in a similar fashion? I just wonder if it was just a case of 'she does it to me, I'll do it to her' without any particular thought behind it?
Anyway, in this particular instance it seems more unreasonable of him, but only mildly IMO.

mhmhmhmh · 21/02/2017 13:46

No, she's being cringey for staying up all night on the computer like a 16 year old boy.

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 13:57

mhmhmhmh
Oh ffs once in months she stays up late.
Apparently its ok for her dh to do it, its apparently ok for men all over the uk to go out and get pissed and not come home till 4.30 am and women are told that its fine cos 'he needs to socialise with mates, wind down, its a one off, etc ad nauseum' but staying up in your own home, not drinking, not disturbing anyone else is acting like a 16yr old!

Double standards are alive and well on MN recently.

Jux · 21/02/2017 14:37

YANBU. I think you should do it more often so your dh gets used to it. When he loses his shit over it you can tell him you'll cut it down to 4 or 5 times a year so that you have equivalence with his late nights.

Or you can simply point out nicely now how unreasonable it is of him to complain about your late night when he has them too, unless he's prepared to give them up. Have a conversation about it.

DixieNormas · 21/02/2017 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FallenSky · 21/02/2017 14:57

No, she's being cringey for staying up all night on the computer like a 16 year old boy.

I wasn't aware that computers had an age limit, nor that they could only be used by boys. Hmm

FallenSky · 21/02/2017 15:01

As an aside, my hobby is gaming. I also make a little money doing it by testing new games. Sometimes this involves playing at silly times of night as a lot of them are American or Japanese based and I need to link up via Skype in their business hours. Does that mean I'm also "cringey"?

mhmhmhmh · 21/02/2017 19:12

Honestly yes, gaming is for children. How can you say it's once a month - she says in the OP it's usually 1-2am! On the computer, in the dark probably, maybe even eating crisps or something.

Shudder.

Going out with friends and saying out until 4.30am is very odd if you are over 21 but it's this is just depressing.

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 19:34

She also says she stays up because get son gets up anytime between 12 & 2 am so not worth going to bed.
She also says some nights she reads or listens to the radio.

Maybe you should read ops posts before deciding she is up every night just for fun?

There are many kinds of offline /online games or chat forums not all are just for kids. For some of us its the only time we get some peace to ourselves.