To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

[CherrySkull]

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

Thank you for naming the hobby and just alluding to it as it's outing.....

Gaming is a hobby as much as beloved cycling is

So you are staying up anyway to provide supervision for a disabled child?

Does that same child not need supervision in the morning

How old are the children? I think that is the main point. Although of they are not old enough to get their own breakfast, they aren't old enough to be left until you are 'ready to get up'

Out of interest, what time are you ready to get up?

Well I have to say no I wouldnt put gaming as a hobby either.
But really that's beside the point.

I think going to bed so late in the morning is not good for your health (as shown by numerous studies in people who are working shifts and the increase in heart attacks etc...).
I also think it's crap to leave your dcs on their own whilst you sleep, all that because you can't stop gaming. What are you expecting them to do whilst you recover your sleep??
And I do wonder about leaving your autistic DC on his own. Is that safe?

So yes you might say that your DH has nothing to say about the time you go to bed. However, he certainly has something to say about the way his dcs spend their hols. Stuck on front of a screen whilst mummy has a sleep??

Is it world of warcraft

you do seem to be consumed by your online life OP, I know I like my gaming but a household needs nurturing. How old are your kids? That's quite a lonely life for them if you go back to bed regularly during school holidays.

I actually think it is his business if you are staying up all night gaming then going back to bed and leaving the dc to get on with it the next day. Its not healthy for anyone involved really.

How old are the dc?

A hobby is edifying?

Oh please, hobbies are for fun, for doing something YOU WANT TO DO, and it doesnt matter a toss whether anyone else likes it or not, or find them edifying or not. I do stuff that makes me feel relaxed or takes me out of RL for a while doesnt mean that its not valuable to me just cos you say so.

Seiously knitting is a hobby but its neither moral nor intellectual, it doesnt 'improve the mind' or the persons character its just fun, as is gaming. If you dont like it dont do it but dont bother looking down you nose at those of us who do.

OP isnt staying up EVERY night till 4.30 it was a one off! Why is it ok for a man to do it 4 - 5 times a year but not ok for a woman to do it once?

I'm not going to get caught up with the definition of "hobby", but I am often quite surprised how some people on MN seem to use the term to justify all manner of rubbish behaviour.

As in, "I work 9-5, then collect the DCs from after school club and take them home before doing my hobby until 11pm three nights a week. DH works 8-6 so does no drop-offs or pick ups. AIBU to at least expect him to do 100% of the housework while I am doing my hobby." Why?

Generally, you get lots of "YANBU, he's being a lazy sod" type responses to that. If you changed "hobby" for "sitting on the sofa with my hand down my pants" (that could be a hobby) you know damn well you'd get less positive responses.

IMHO, playing online until the early hours, when it means that you will be catching up on sleep whilst leaving young DCs unsupervised is crap. You can't justify it by saying "I'm doing my hobby."

I've just read the op and I think she DOES get up in the morning with her DCs? And I think the 4.30 am was unusual because it's half term?

It's not good to go with so little sleep, but some folk need less than others.

I like to stay up late watching politics on TV and DH likes me to go to bed with him, at the same time. So we compromise, and sometimes we go to bed together, and sometimes he slopes off at 10 pm and I binge on BBCQT etc. I still get up before him!

It's not against the law to go to bed late. Just so long as you get your shit done the next day.

Oh good grief, you do extrapolate quite a bit with nothing to go on don't you?

Its not Wow or a computer game, its actually collaborative/group story writing that we do in a chat environment.. and the nearest I can describe it to is basically text-based LARP. its very edifying and fulfilling tyvm!

I am not leaving them to roam the house on their own, I went back to bed for an hour, I was up and dressed by 9am. I never get more than 4hrs sleep as it is.

The 4.30 is a ONE OFF because its Half Term, and we never go anywhere on the first couple of days as DS spends all the time in his bedroom with all his sensory equipment and lights decompressing, so DD and I have to find things to occupy us indoors or in the garden until DS is ready to go out.

He's in there on his tablet, he's only spoken to say thank you when I gave him his lunch. DD is watching Disney junior and playing with the cats.

No I don't work, i'm DS's full time Carer.

My Moan was asking if it was unreasonable for DH to nag me like a parent because I chose, as an adult, to stay up for an extra couple of hours.

Of course it's a legit hobby. It's hardly any more pointless than collecting (stamps, rare Star Trek annuals etc), scrapbooking, mummyblogging, golf or many other mind-numbing-to-some activities.

What does something have to do to qualify as a "real" hobby?

ANY hobby that negatively impacts your family life is a bad thing though.

I don't care whether it's a hobby or not, I don't think going back to bed after breakfast when you are supposed to be parenting children (who don't seem to be old enough to get their own breakfast even) is good parenting. The fact that you are doing it as a choice so you can enjoy your hobby sounds pretty awful to me. I like reading. I sometimes read till 3 in the morning, knowing I have to be up the next day. I don't crawl back into bed because I'm parenting!!

My "D"H stays up late watching TV - 3am is normal. Then he says its not fair if he has to get out of bed before noon as I've had lots of sleep and he hasn't. Seriously.

This has been going on for years, when the children were toddlers they used to ask me why Daddy was so lazy - we could never go out anywhere as he was always in bed.

Of course your bed time is entirely your choice. However I do find it concerning that you are regularly up until 1-2am (and it probably takes you a while to drop off when you do go to bed), and then presumably up for school, work etc first thing in the morning. Not many people can survive on such little sleep long term, (although I recognise that some can) and it can really impact on your physical, mental and emotional health.

I do appreciate the problem of your son waking, I have similar issues here, but I try and get to bed early sometimes, so I can fit in some sleep before the waking starts.

What time do you get up in half term, and how long are they left to their own devices? Hopefully you are all getting out and spending some time together later in the day.

Could you and your DH not take turns to stay up gaming, or have set days at the weekend or something, so that one of you is fresh to get up first thing with the DC and the other gets to lie in? That way both of you get to spend time doing what you want, but the DC still get a parent up first thing in the morning.

I think that gaming is a hobby but that of course isn't the issue here. I think it depends how often the OP is going back to bed once the children are up would define if it's in issue and how old they are. If it's only rarely and the children are old enough to be alone it's fine- if the OP is sleeping in the day instead of caring for the children on a regular basis then her husband has a point.

My husband loves gaming and used to stay up late doing it, since having children and having to be up in the night and morning he does it much less as he needs to fit more sleep in! I'd be pissed off if his gaming affected time with our child.

No it's not unreasonable. He's got every right to want his partner in bed next to him and I'm surprised you find it a problem.

Sounds like you are addicted to the on-line "hobby". Staying up to 4.30am - you must be shagged out.

I think it's unreasonable for one spouse to tell the other spouse when to go to bed, period. My DH goes to bed with the chickens, I tend to stay up and watch TV -MN til the wee smalls-- and I'd be a bit if he poked his head out the door and 'reminded' me that it was getting late unless we had something important to do next day.

That being said, I agree with others that it's all about your children's need for supervision and/or interaction with you. If they're perfectly capable of entertaining themselves and not destroying the house (or each other) then I don't see a problem as far as leaving them to their own devices. I will say that I'm not sure it sets the best example for them, though, to see a parent sleep half the day away.

YABU, I agree with time. Your DH is right to be concerned about both your health and your DC who you're supposed to be parenting.

My Moan was asking if it was unreasonable for DH to nag me like a parent because I chose, as an adult, to stay up for an extra couple of hours.

Yes, it is, reasonable because you have children to take care of especially when the extra couple of hours mean 4h30 in the morning.

You are extremely lucky if you really do not need more than 4 hours sleep, but people who do are so rare that I would worry you are sleep deprived, and not the best carer for your children. It's simply not healthy to be sleep deprived.

How old are the DCs OP?

I used to spend quite a lot of time online for various reasons. The one thing I can say now looking back is that the amount of time I spent online, especially into the early hours was usually a fairly good indication of the state of my marriage. Because online is generally a bit of an escape from RL for most people, so if someone was regularly staying up until 3/4 AM and not going to bed with their partner and also checking out of family life during the day to catch up on sleep I would wonder what was going on for them in their home life.

There's nothing wrong with online pursuits. But when they start to overtake real life it's time to re-evaluate.

I don't think he's unreasonable to express concern at 4.30am that you're still up, like you reminded him when he was up late.

I think yabu. Your family should come first and there is no way you are getting enough sleep if you have to look after your family as well, especially in school holidays- that's when you need all your energy to spend time with the kids. I thinks it's putting your needs first and I would not be happy if my partner did this. Real life is much more important than online