To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

[CherrySkull]

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

I don't think you can be executing your full time caring and parenting duties terribly well if you've been voluntarily awake virtually all night and need to go back to bed during the day when your son is awake and unsupervised. And this is a pretty regular thing by the sounds of it.

I don't think it sounds ideal to be honest and I can see why your husband is becoming irritated by it.

"No I don't work, i'm DS's full time Carer"

I am a night owl and rarely go to bed before 12/1am. I get up in the morning just the same, if I go to bed at 10 I just lie there and watch the clock go round or read until 12 - 1am.

'He has every right to have his partner in bed with him'???
Unless of course he is out on the piss till 5 am then its ok that SHE doesnt have her pertner in bed with her.
The double standards on here at times never ceases to amaze me.

OP has explained that she goes back to be for an hour and her kids are old enough to amuse themselves for an hour (Particularly her son who has his routine in the morning anyway) So what the heck is the big deal?

I sometimes have a bit of a long lie on a Sunday, kids dont care (eldest is usually still asleep anyway and ds2 gets peace to have breakfast and watch you tube videos. Its not neglecting kids once in a whiile to give them an hour or two to amuse themselves.

I think I'm with your DH on this one - sorry. Aside from the issue that I think it's pretty sad to go back to bed once the children get up, you must spend the rest of the day feeling exhausted and not wanting to do anything. And I bet part of the reason your DS is getting up at 1-2am is to see you. You need to be modelling better sleep habits really.

Why the TeaCake?

Looking after children with autism is a full time occupation.

you're all getting very hooked up on the times.

I'm always awake until 2am, its my normal bedtime.

Its basically like nagging someone who usually goes to bed at 10pm because they're still up at 12.30.

I've not slept more than 5hrs in 10 years, 4hrs is the average. I'm fine, it doesn't affect my health, you get used to it.

My hobby is something I do to keep me occupied as the telly is rubbish at that time of night.

It was one hour I went back to bed, while DD watched telly and DS was in his bedroom next to mine on his tablet.

I am not sleeping the day away or leaving my kids to roam unsupervised.

My Moan was asking if it was unreasonable for DH to nag me like a parent because I chose, as an adult, to stay up for an extra couple of hours.

YABU because you going to bed later has an impact on your dcs, including one that needs a full time carer.

He could have tried to tell you that in a slightly different way so that you didn't feel told off but I have to say it would never have crossed my mind to stay up so late when I know I have to get up in the am and spend the day with the dcs. Esp as one of them will need special attention from you (so more work and energy required from you than during the school days. In some ways, I would get better if you wee dong that on a school day, were getting up with the dcs and the. Going back to bed once they are school)

I also don't believe that today you won't be that tired or irritable (as we all are when we are tired)

I'd find the lack of communication frustrating. If dh said "I'm staying up to watch the super bowl" I'd know to go to bed and sleep but if I went to bed thinking dh would join me within the hour then I'd struggle to sleep knowing I'm likely to be disturbed.

Do you like each other? Sounds like you're trying your best to avoid him.

I guess no-one on mumsnet EVER has a lie in and leaves the kids to it for a bit.

You're all up with the larks and painting masterpieces on the kitchen table at 8am, right?

bullshit.

lama yes, which is why I was surprised that someone can stay up to 4am in the morning and not be tired out and then just pop back to bed to leave someone who needs high levels of care unsupervised.

You're his full time carer? Then, you should be up when he is in the morning not taking yourself back to bed.

'partner' even.

Why is everyone missing the point? This was a 1 off as kids are off school, its not every night!

Has anyone even read ops update about her kids?

'overtake your life'
'unable to parent properly' Jeeze ONE night!

OP have done this before, and I still managed to get up and get kids organised for school/holidays etc.

I have seen people on MN until the wee small hours yet nobody is jumping on threads telling them to go to bed and "think of the children"!!!

astonished I'm pretty sure that the face was at OP saying she doesn't work but is DS' full-time carer.

Because being a full-time carer is work, and should be done from an awake position rather than from going back to bed (that's how I read it anyway!).

Goodness me, she has said 4.30 was a one off and she doesn't usually go back to bed. Give the woman a break!

You sound a bit aggressive. Or perhaps overtired.

So if you're lying in, DH is dealing with the kids when he gets up? Or do you all (you and DCs) lie in? Maybe he'd like to see you before he goes to work? Any chance of you asking him why it bothers him?

Yes, Willow! I used to stay up until 2am or later working, and am about to have that pattern again. I think most PPs are being overly judgemental and pretty harsh.

In your DHs shoes, I would be annoyed too - is this every night? Your sex life must suffer surely?

I personally could not be with anyone who found it acceptable to sit in front of a screen for long periods of time, regardless of whether people consider it to be a hobby or not.

I think it is completely unacceptable for the parent looking after presumably young children to go back to sleep in the daytime. If I were out working and my OH were asleep when meant to be caring from our children, I would probably leave him.

I lie in because my youngest is 17 and I'm on half term, I didn't when all three were very young, what age did you say your dc's were?

I still don't think your Dh is unreasonable.

I guess no-one on mumsnet EVER has a lie in and leaves the kids to it for a bit.

This is exactly why I'm asking how old the DCs are. Older DCs, yes. Younger ones, no. I also have a DS with ASD. There is no way I could have left him unsupervised until around age 11/12 (not that all DCs with ASD are the same of course).

Both DH and I often work until late at night. We do remind each other to go to bed sometimes, but if a deadline demands an all-nighter we'd tell each other. The "come to bed" usually comes out of worry and love.

Lie ins depend entirely on kids' ages. Young? No, I didn't; pre-teen and teen, of course.

I guess no-one on mumsnet EVER has a lie in and leaves the kids to it for a bit.

Well no, since you ask, I don't think I ever did. At least not while they were of an age where they required close supervision. In your son's case, if his autism is pronounced enough that you are officially his full time carer, (as opposed to caring for him just because you are his mother) then I'm going to assume that he can't supervise himself safely for any length of time in the same way that an NT 10 yo might.

My husband occasionally stays up quite late and the issue is he wakes me when he comes to bed so I don't really get a full nights sleep, as it seems your husband wasn't as he was coming in, if it gets too late I will sometimes say to my husband to come to bed, not for any other reason than I want to sleep properly and I know he won't sleep in another room and will wake me up.

As for the going back to bed, no I never did this if my husband wasn't home and I was looking after my daughter. I wasn't painting master pieces at 8am ( I'm unsure of your leap there 🙄) but I always got up with her and stayed up with her, yes, I never went back to bed and left her unsupervised.

Is it poker OP?