To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

[CherrySkull]

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

YANBU I'd be annoyed if my DH did that too. And on the subject of unsupervised children I work odd hours so often sleep in, the kids (aged between 5 and 12) get up, make their own breakfast, load the dishwasher and play quietly (watch TV, colour, argue) until I emerge. Last weekend they were on their own until 11am when I woke up. I consider this awesome parenting as I am clearly teaching them to be independent and capable

FFS, strike out and bold fail. Blah.

I think quite a few of us stated that we don't think her dh was unreasonable when he mentioned about her turning in and going to bed, just as she reminded him about needing to get up when he was having a late one.

At the beginning of the thread the kids' ages weren't mentioned and she did use the term 'wandering' with regard to her autistic son,posters responded as they saw fit before she filled in that he chose to stay in his room and seems fairly placid.

glitterazi...You made me actually lol there.

Don't know about anyone else but somebody typing downstairs is bloody LOUD at that time of night

I assume it's a modern keyboard and not a typewriter from the 40's

I assume it's a modern keyboard and not a typewriter from the 40's

Lol, I'm not sat down here bashing at an old fashioned typewriter keys and then pushing the ribbon thing back with a BING! Lol, remember those?!
I've got a new fangly windows laptop. The speed of my typing though and the fact so much as a sniff gets amplified by 5 million at that time of morning means it might as well be a bing bongy typewriter.

because it was late and I have the children at home. That's why... for no other reason!

Plenty of time for 'me time' when they're at school.

HAH, that's a bloody laugh!

its called i'm doing my housework and I'm also on call to the school and usually fielding phone calls or being called in because of DS. The last two weeks I've had to go there twice a day as he's needed giving medicine for something and won't let his TA do it.. so i have to!

This is what happens when you dripfeed I'm afraid OP.

lol, its a new laptop and i have it on a lap tray with cushioning, its very quiet, honest. :)

oh, and the other reason it doesn't bother upstairs is DS has a white noise machine in his room, its up quite loud (like a fan blowing) as DH snores so he uses it to drown out the sound of the foghorn i have to sleep next to ;)

Op hasn't drip fed at all. Nobody could be bothered to read what she was actually saying. Big difference.

i didn't drip feed.

I asked if it was any of DH's business to tell me to go to bed, when i'm a grown adult.

Christ, MN at it's best. Post this again tomorrow and here will be outraged LTB responses. Just keep doing your thing, Op. Adults get to choose their own bedtimes.

there

YANBU at all. I bloody hate it when my DH nags me about going to bed on the odd occasions i have a late night. I have so very little time to myself that some uninterrupted 'me' time is worth being a bit tired the next day.

My glare usually shuts him up!

If he needs a full time carer then surely you should be caring for him full time.

Or am I missing the point somewhere ?

No, it isn't any of his business, but to be fair I would probably have said the same to dh as I would have been worried That he would have been exhausted the next day

I can't imagine what it's like to have a child with disturbed sleep, I can't cope without my 10 - 7

When you get a chance to get an hour to yourself then take it and enjoy it!

I asked if it was any of DH's business to tell me to go to bed, when i'm a grown adult.

Yes, it is, if you're regularly staying up until 2am (a good few hours after him) typing away on laptops downstairs and presumably keeping him awake.
(If dh could see me typing this right now I'd have a great big "HAH!" thrown my way and probs told I'm a hypocrite, lol.)
Thing is, I'm trying to do it less and less now as I KNOW it's shit for family life.
Staying up 'til that time on screens on a regular basis does knacker your sleep up. I know this.Which is why I've been starting to do something about it.
Same with your DH if he's regularly up gaming until 5am.
How is that healthy for either of you? It needs addressing.
It sounds stupid, but until you start to get some semblance of normality back bedtime wise, you start to realise how crap you felt before without realising it. Feeling crap becomes your new "norm."
I know you say your ds is up and about at 1am. Could it be due to downstairs lights, movements and noise though? As being in bed since 7.30 is a 6 hour sleep for him already so will, be sleeping lighter.
Maybe if you tried just a couple of times going to bed at midnight when your DH does to see if it makes a difference?
Just an idea.

How about emigrating to the states - problem solved. A reverse.

I don't know how you're staying calm op, I'm losing my shit on your behalf!

She has clearly stated, a million times, that her son is up due to his autism. That's all you need to know given that she is his mum and knows him inside out. So obviously it's NOT because of lights, movement or noise downstairs.

glitter, i have ruled that out.

i tried going to bed at about 11, but even when i could fall asleep, ds was still waking and i found it much worse for me to sleep, have to wake up to deal with ds, then try and go back to sleep.

i found i couldn't sleep and was often then awake until gone 4am, then being disturbed by dh getting up at 5.30. so got even less sleep.

this routine isn't great, but it gets us all the most sleep right now.

I am quite new to MN and i am really surprised at how nasty these threads get. Why do you all get so invested and emotional about other the lives of other people?

Fair enough, if you've tried it - you know what works for you more than anyone on here does.
The no screen thing though still stands - that really isn't conducive for a good nights sleep.
Hundreds of studies have proved this too.

Why do you all get so invested and emotional about other the lives of other people?

People ask for opinions, so people give theirs. Sometimes people don't like to hear other opinions in spite of asking for them so it can get a bit heated sometimes.
Only ever ask for opinions if you actually WANT to hear opinions is a good rule to generally follow.

ThymeLord yep me too. This is one of the most frustrating threads I've read on here. Why is OP having to justify her whole life to some people? I don't see what the issue is with lying on in the morning as a ONE OFF. Her son is safely in his room, happy.