To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

The last thing the OP said was "But I don't think I'll go. He's really unhappy."

I have done it. Abroad on my own for five days. DH regularly goes off on cycling jollies so he couldn't really object. It was very refreshing.

if he and kids went too could you take a day or two on your own to do what you need re: the relatives death. It may be emotional for you so having your family there too could be a supportive thing? perhaps see if there is a compromise to be had rather than not going, make a holiday of it and go for longer?

I buggered off to China for a lot more than 4 days when DD was little. It was great. Then DH went to Scotland and then Vegas for a few days. We both had reasons that we wanted to go to those places. It makes you appreciate the other person and your little family more, helps you be a person rather than just a relationship and means you have stuff to talk about.

I do think that Mr4gggg sounds controlling. DH went to Vegas with a friend of his I know to be thoroughly untrustworthy and a bit of an arsehole. I 'let' him not that I would have stopped him because DH isn't his friend. He is his own man.

"He doesn't want to look after the children alone and thinks it looks peculiar for me to go away alone."

What? He is a father and should be able to father his children. Controlling behaviour on his side, would not e impressed. I hope you will go and he will learn that his attitude to parenting is not on.

I don't having her husband there sounds like it would work as much of a support mechanism, sadly StepAway.

I'm really sorry, it was my fault as I showed the thread to him

You don't need to apologise love. Hope you're alright.

If either partner is 'allowed' to go away, then it's not unfair. If your dp chooses not to go away on his own, that's his choice. I think the whole 'it looks odd' thing smacks of sexism tbh. I doubt anyone would think it odd for a husband and father to go away on a stag do etc. Why should it be odd for a woman to go away without husband and children? I've done it once (wedding abroad, a couple dh didn't know well). We were all invited but it would have been expensive if we'd all gone, and it was very much my friends not dh's. It was dh who suggested I should go alone. It was great. Dh didn't bat an eyelid about having the dc for a few days.

Not your fault at all. Look after yourself.

OP are you OK? This husband of yours sounds incredibly controlling.

I guess it does depend how your relationship works with regard to sharing of responsibilities etc - perhaps you share everything very well and neither of you are often on your own with the children. Me personally, I would rather not be in the relationship if I couldn't contemplate having 4 days away on my own. The thought of never getting to be by myself like that would be intolerable. I've had an annual 4 day holiday on my own (to a sporting event with friends) every year since the children were babies. And DH regularly goes away without me for work and with friends. It is not unusual, and YANBU. I hope you get to go without being guilt tripped about it for ages.

Hope everything is OK OP. DH is booking numerous dates off over the summer to have DS so I can go away volunteering. Not the same as a trip alone but the point is he respects what matters to me and what I need. All he's asked for is some time off himself in return which is very reasonable and I've previously suggested he goes away for the weekend alone to no avail.
A nanny is ludicrous or condescending - he can do childcare for 4days!
Wheb DH gets all oh I don't know if I can do that I ask what would happen if I died? He'd learned so might as well start now

Really Navy? I've genuinely only seen that when the OP is heavily pregnant/has a newborn, and even then it is a mixed response.

Personally I find any man who can't look after his own children without any assistance deeply unattractive.

My DH travels a lot with work and also goes away with friends once a year to do with their sport. So I'm regularly alone with the children for a week or more.

My DH actually encourages me to go away alone or with friends for some recharge time.

One good friend of ours won't ever come because her DH "couldn't possibly cope on his own". Her kids are NT, perfectly nicely behaved primary aged kids.

My DH is fairly disgusted with her DH. As far as he is concerned real men can take care of their own children. he can even do pony tails

He usually takes my two off camping or for "an adventure" when I'm away. The kids have wonderful memories of their time alone with him, it's lovely.

I don't honestly think it's the care of the children. Or not just that anyway. He just is really unhappy. I'm so sorry about before. I showed him the thread didn't think he'd actually post.

You need to find out why he is unhappy. As I said before, 3 coherent, logical sentences explaining his reasons.

But I think you need to be careful.

He's a big ole baby, isn't he?

Big ole baby doesn't want you to go without him because er he doesn't want you to.

So that makes it understandable that you can't do something as a grown adult woman that you need/want to do.

Not.

Loads of things make me unhappy but sometimes we have to be just that teeny weeny bit more grown up, look at and process our dislike of something, acknowledge the other person's needs, and give them our blessing.

And who knows, we may just want theirs one day.

Bert, there aren't any beyond "it looks odd, why don't you want me to come with you, why don't you want the children to come with you, you're being unfair, you're listening to someone who doesn't even know what 'sans' means fgs" on and on (sorry poster who didn't know what it meant!!)

What would happen if you just did it? Is he expecting you to wait for his permission or just drop it?

Agree with asking for &3 proper concrete reasons a decision I'd write 3 you want to go and then compare

Wow, so you show your DH this thread and he posts on it... Controlling and passive aggressive much.

I do kind of agree re the "sans" though, I know what it means and I may post that to be clever, but some may not know what it means. No need to post that as it confuses some.

I can't understand how deeply unhappy he is about this one trip away and it is telling how much him being deeply unhappy is guilt tripping you, probably so you won't go on this trip, which is important to you.

As Hullygully says he is a big old baby with a few characteristics that I certainly wouldn't find appealing in a partner!

Have you tried asking him why he wants to drag two children and himself around what is clearly going to be a somber and potentially emotionally charged trip?

And what was that about the hen night and not liking one of your friends?