To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

Hi 4ggg, this may sound obvious but it's important to have real life people to talk to about relationship issues as well. I was in a similar situation to you: me doing anything for a quiet life, compromising, him hiding my keys and phone, not letting me do the things I wanted to do, saying he loved me but being jealous and possessive. For ages I told my real life mates that everything was "fine" but when
I started to confide in them, things improved and I started to feel stronger and more optimistic. Please talk to people in real life as well as online. You sound lovely (but stop apologising!!). Go on the trip!!! Use this as a test case - stand up for yourself and see what happens. All the best

"What I paraphrased was basically all the information that was originally provided."

Mmm. But the thread was 14 pages long. New information tends to emerge in response to questions etc

Not sure if you are new, but you can highlight the OP's posts. It helps to at least read those.

4G, would you encourage your children to stay with partners who treated them like this?

You are raising them with someone who is setting this as the example of how to treat loved ones. Is this really what you would want for them?

What I paraphrased was basically all the information that was originally provided.

An excellent reason to gather all the available information before posting.

This is another thread where a fairly innocuous issue is, in reality, something very sinister. I hope you are still reading, OP. Your situation is not OK and is not acceptable.

Hello 4grrrrr

This thread is bringing back some bad memories for me personally.

maybe I am wrong but perhaps you don't want to leave the kids solely in his care due to his behaviour, hence why you mentioned arranging childcare during your trip. I could just be seeing red flesh where there are none, but personal experience...

I hope you have taken all the advice and got a new mumsnet ID and PW. Take care

I'm so horrified by this. I'm currently breastfeeding 8mo DD but DH and I have agreed that as soon as she's weaned, I'm going to see my sister in the Netherlands for 5 days leaving him with the kids for by FAR the longest he's been alone with them. I can't wait - even sitting in an airport alone sounds so great right now. Anyway. I asked him if he thought this would be ok, and his instant response was "of COURSE. That will be lovely for you". And that's just for me to have a nice long weekend hanging out with my sister!
He might not be abusive (although the passport-hiding. WTAF. That's insane) but he is definitely definitely unreasonable.

As long as you are equally happy for DH to do the same. We all need time to ourselves to reenergise, .

I've gone away on my own trips (usually with a friend, about once a year, no more than 5 days or so) since my now four year old was under 1 and my DH has been totally supportive.

He does the same with friends and also travels regularly for work so why not? The last couple of years I have also travelled for work (slightly longer trips of 4-5 days than his usual work overnights) but they're very occasional (once or twice a year max) We have to juggle childcare when either of us are away but it's fine....

Having said that I still get people giving ne funny looks and asking who is going to look after the DC while I'm away Or how he is managing, whereas no-one would ever think of asking him the same question when he is!! !

Are you going to this place to mourn the death of a loved one? Was there a relationship between you both that your DH might be jealous of, is that the reason he has taken umbridge about you going. I only ask because sometimes past relationships that ended tragically are sometimes locked away in a hidden corner in our hearts while we get on and 'move forward' with our lives. My DH is aware that a previous boyfriend from years ago committed suicide and that will always be a part of me, but I would always keep any feelings and emotions on this to myself as I have another life with him now.

OP I hope you are OK

Clearly this isn't about compromise. It's about what your DH dictates.

May I dig a bit deeper? What would the person whose place you are making your pilgrimage to, advise you to do?

I'm on your side OP.
Sometimes being the children's main care-giver can put you in a spot where you need a royal decree before you step away from regular duties. And that actually sucks.
It's not like you're going on a two week bender in Magaluf.
Tell your husband to stop being so unreasonable.

Last year I was given the opportunity to go to the USA for a week, I'm a sahm and dh works difficult hours. When I told dh about the trip (which was entirely selfish, on my own, not with any friends, just a solo trip for personal reasons) he said "I'm not sure we can afford it, we'll need to look at the budget"
Fair enough, we looked, didn't have the money and although I was gutted, put it to the back of my mind. Then we had something very fortunate happen, without my knowledge he booked the flights and hotel and then told me what he'd done.
Yes it was difficult for him with a preschooler and 2 in school, yes he had to use some holiday to figure out childcare while I wasn't there, but he supported me because he knew how important it was for my long term mental health.

Op, your dh needs to stop sulking and start talking, why doesn't he want you to go? He needs to start being supportive. It makes me so angry that he feels entitled to keep you under the thumb like a child

"My DH is aware that a previous boyfriend from years ago committed suicide and that will always be a part of me, but I would always keep any feelings and emotions on this to myself as I have another life with him now"

If you feel you have to do this, then consider the possibility that your dh is......not everything he should be.....as well.

YANBU - this is totally acceptable!
Suggest to your husband that he does similar another time. This should be a mutual decision, but your husband needs to know that you should be allowed time to yourself, especially if there is a pressing personal reason why this is important to you.
It will end up being good bonding time for husband and kids, and will pass very quickly (I don't think he needs a nanny, but that's your call. I agree 2 pre-schoolers solo for 4 days is very tough! But that's just being a parent - he'll be fine!)

This sounds like massive insecurity. He's offended or concerned about 'how it might look' (to whom?) - and is prepared to bully and/or be underhand to get his own way. Hiding her passport - seriously??

Basically he hates the idea of 4ggg doing anything that isn't to do with HIM. It's very childish and needy.

So Mr 4ggg, man to man - mate, you need to grow a pair. If you're so insecure about 4ggg's affections then behaving like this will NOT help. You need to be a grown up, you need to let her have her own space, and you need to not only send her away gladly but arrange for the kids to have a bloody lovely time with you while she's away. Take them to Legoland, take them to an adventure playground, let them spend a day slobbing around watching movies then go out for a pizza. Whatever. Take responsibility.

Doing this well will make you, the kids and your wife happier, and make it massively more likely she'll actively want to come back again afterwards.

When she does, have prosecco waiting and make her a nice dinner.

DH is a teacher so gets loads more holiday than me. He still goes skiing a week a year and I have to take leave/juggle work. I get loads of brownie points though. Have at least 2 mates who do long weekends or a week with the ladies AT LEAST once a year (1 with 3 kids, she's a teacher, he's not so has to take leave) and DHs cope. I think I'll try and plan a week away alone one day, at the moment I only go away for work trips (nice ones though :), San Francisco, Cape Town, the like) and overnight spa with mate. Yours should get real.

Hi
I am going for a long week's trip alone starting this Sunday. I and my husband both work full time and no help at all to look after our pre school daughter except she goes to a nursery during the day.
He is not taking any holidays just working from home 2 days. He has done it earlier lst year as well.

I would think that's ok.
I had an acquaintance when all our kids were little who,once a year, would book in to the local travelodge with loads of books and bath products for a long weekend. Said it kept her sane and she looked forward to it.

No YANBU. YOLO darling.

Bertrand, no I don't feel I HAVE to. Just that it was a long time ago and I don't want to bring it into our present. Similar reasons why the main character in Apple Tree Yard did not wish to tell her DH about the rape she experienced.

MCMLXVII Marry me! 😊

@Queenofhindsight I hadn't even got to the foot rub yet!

Hi MR4ggg just thought I would come on to tell you that I think your a controlling arse and that you need man up grow the fuck up and let your wife go on this much needed trip without your interfering your not joined at the hip there is nothing wrong with you looking after the children that you helped to create for 4 days your a knob and I would've kicked your arse to the curb well before now. Mrs4ggg get yourself booked on to that flight and go on your 4 day holiday without him you don't need that pricks permission to do anything your a grown woman and he doesn't own you.

YANBU! You have given him plenty of notice. Even if he gives you plenty of attitude, tell him you have decided to do this and although you'd prefer he supports you, you don't need his permission. Then book your tickets and plan your trip. If he doesn't want to take care of the DCs or doesn't want to use up his annual leave, leave it to him to organise alternative childcare. I know it'll be hard standing up to him when you aren't used to doing so but please do it for your own sanity and to give your children a good example to emulate when they are older.
I imagine when you do go on family holidays, his preferences come first? Sounds like a very unbalanced relationship tbh

Just to throw something in - the place you are going is safe for you to travel alone and not some war torn ghetto or place you might be sold for camels or trafficked?

All being above board then YANBU, 'husband' is being a bell end and is either being controlling as suggested above of is actually 5 abd thinks you are having something he isn't (imagined holiday for kicking heels up). Either way he's not being supportive of your needs