To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

I was reflecting that I had done more solo trips than my husband over the years but the I read back and someone mentoned stags. Yeah, he's had quite a few multi day ones of them and I get on with it.

Well my response won't be different, DH goes away without us every other year for 3 or 4 days and I manage fine. I don't do it as often out of choice but he doesn't have an issue when I do because he's a grown man and is perfectly capable of doing the normal parenting thing.
No sympathy for him from me I'm afraid, I say do it.

Not weird at all. I've done it for work and pleasure and DH stepped up to the plate and really enjoyed his time with the DC. He spent an absolute fortune on a whirlwind round of activities, meals out and treats but everyone had a great time and that's what counts!

My response wouldn't be different either. DH has had 4/5 day trips regularly with friends since the kids were born - driving, skiing, stag dos. Probably twice a year at least, sometimes 3 if the snow is good!

Both parents should be equally capable of looking after their children for a few days on their own.

Obviously, if the family finances aren't up to it, or it will mean no family holiday, things are different. But in principle, no problem.

So does your DH ever go away solo for fun trips OP? Would he want to? Maybe that's part of it -- he just doesn't see the appeal.

How are the finances?

I do understand how it feels to have choices shut down when you've got small children but this sort of decision has to be made cooperatively.

Why can't he look after his own kids for 4 days?? When DD was 2 I went to a 4-day music festival in a neighbouring country and DH stayed home and happily looked after DD. I would obviously do the same for him if he went away (in fact he had to travel lots for work when DD was tiny and I managed alone for a week here, a week there).

We definitely aren't badly off, it's just he feels we should all go.

But I wouldn't enjoy it so then it would be pointless!

As long as he can get some time off as well then what's the problem.

DH and I do this if he wants to go away for a Stag do or something, as long as I can have a few days away too at a later date I think "great"

He wouldn't ever want to go away without me and the children, so finds it bizarre I would, I think

What sort of thing is it? Could you all go on the trip and then look after the DCs while you go off and do the thing alone?

Could you all go on the trip and then he look after the DCs while you go off and do the thing alone?

no op he prob means he doesnt want to look after his own kids not that you should all go together

if its not long i dont see the problem why cant men look after their own kids?

Not really - it's morbid but it's where a family member passed away and I want to seewhere it happened and process and understand as I've never understood.

it's a beautiful place but it would be a nightmare with toddlers, long flight, too hot.

I'm just totally intrigued as to what it is

I think you should go. Dh works abroad regularly and, if he has a day off out there, goes out and enjoys himself. Why wouldn't he. He's also been on lads' holidays to Amsterdam and elsewhere. He'd have no problem if I wanted to do the same.

I have a special place that I like to visit, it feels something like a pilgrimage for me so I understand your wish to be alone.
What would your OH reaction be if you had to go away to work for 4 days? What will his reaction be if you just book it anyway?
Is their an option to go as a family and you still have the time you need with him entertaining the children?
Does he feel that he will not cope on his own?

I think it's manageable if Dh takes annual leave, he says I am being selfish and unfair. I don't know, I probably am. Well I don't think I am being selfish but I am being unfair. (I'm on his laptop!)

FFS its only 4 days. Can you arrange it so part falls over the weekend so he only needs to lose 2 days work. Or maybe he could take the kids to a more child friendly place while you are away. Like Disney.

How much annual leave does he get? I must admit I use mine sparingly to get maximum enjoyment and would not be happy at my DH using my leave to go off for days. I want to do family trips with mine. Maybe arrange a nursery place or some sort of childcare so he does not have to waste his leave? Looking after them alone at weekends or evenings is surely not a problem.

Coz of the hours he does we would still need him to take some leave as it's anti social hours sometimes so nursery would be no good as he finishes at 9 at night sometimes and nurseries shut at 6

Now you've explained the reason why (a family member passing away there) then I totally get why you need the time away by yourself.

Your DH is being unsupportive and insensentive in not allowing you to go. It's not a long time for you to be away at all and he should be able to look after your DC re cooking and caring for them, by himself! It's not your fault that he doesn't go away by himself but he should not let you not go away regardless of this trip as you pick up the lion's share of the childcare!

My neighbours do this sometimes mostly go to see parents in Scotland (from Lomdon) who are ill, but leave the other to look after their almost 6 year old and 3 year old. Everyone survives and baby stays with mum.

Hi OP would it be a possibility for you all to go but for you to pretty much do your own thing during the daytimes there, with your husband looking after the children, then all get together in the evening?

I know this isn't the point in terms of your AIBU but just a thought.

"this sort of decision has to be made cooperatively"

Actually, I don't think that's true. I think that sometimes it's OK to say "This is something I need to do- and I need you to help me do it"

And it's 4 days, ffs.

I'm laughing so much at 'temporary nanny' to cover your four day absence.

How many mums on here book a temporary nanny when their husband goes away for work/stag/holiday/conference for four days?!

Hilarious.

In fact I'm wondering if it's a long flight or too hot would 4 days be enough? And also he could then take the DC to a more family friendly place then.