To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

"I do kind of agree re the "sans" though, I know what it means and I may post that to be clever, but some may not know what it means. No need to post that as it confuses some."

Perfectly usual idiom. And anyway, if I don't understand a word another poster uses, I just look it up. I don't somehow try to make it the other person's fault that I don't understand it!

Euggggh he sounds vile. Horrible controlling man. Clearly too weak and self conscious to want to be alone with his own children. I'd be ashamed of him if this was my DH

I know we are digressing...but re "sans," while I agree it is a "perfectly usual idiom" to me and a large number of my world, I also know a hell of a lot of people whom it would throw.

Perfectly reasonable of the OP to use it

Perfectly reasonable of littlefrogs to ask what it meant.

No need for either party to get pissy about it.

yanbu - Whatever emotional response you have to the place will inevitably be stifled by having to suppress it because you will be the primary carer for your children - their needs will trump your own and therefore his accompanying you effectively invalidates your reason for going.

He will make it a nil sum game - his desire to support removes your reaction which is the thing which he feels might need support?.so he is in fact not being helpful and his desire to accompany you becomes a selfish act in the face of your need to actually have an emotional reaction.
He also doesn't seem to trust you to manage your own emotional response without him. hes not coming out of this looking good to me!

It wasn't me being snippy about that, honestly. Anyway - he is being an absolute arse and I don't care if he sees that

No, I think little frogs saw the "clearly" as snippy, but that's the prob with anonymous typings

Well if he is big enough to post here as if he is you he needs to be big enough to really be honest about why he doesn't want you to go on your own. Honest to himself as much as you.

You have pointed out it won't be the same with young children. That's fairly obvious I would have thought. Travelling with young children isn't always easy and through necessity it becomes all about them.

This trip sounds like you need quiet and time to reflect and come to terms with a loss and how and where it happened. I would have thought that that was fairly easy to accept if not understand.

He says it won't look right. Who to? Lots of us on here have said we go away without husbands and children for various reasons. Lots of my friends and family do. Some more than others. The ones that don't are constrained by finances more than the thought that someone might think it looks odd.

In cases like this i think compromise is the best option..... can you reduce your trip by 1 or even 2 days ? Would he/you consider that ?, if it means you can still go without feeling guilty or coming home to animosity then i would say its worth a thought.

I just went to the Highlands on my own to see a friend. Husband was deeply displeased, but it was lovely. You should do it.

He sounds jealous and immature. How dare you propose to have a nice time without him? (regardless of the fact the trip clearly isn't about having a nice time).

Is he normally so insistent that you don't do anything alone?

It looks odd??

To whom?

is he more bothered about what some as yet unknown people might potentially say, than what his wife has expressed a desire to do??

And PLENTY of people go away on their own, sometimes with the kids, leaving OH behind, or on their own. My DP actually paid for me to go and meet my pop idol while he looked after the kids. (love him)

Its not healthy to be so insular and co-dependant

Well I suppose it isn't worth falling out about.

Does he think other people will assume you're free to hook up??

Or is it?
Does he usually disregard your needs?

Does he usually put other people's possible perceptions ahead of supporting you?

Is he usually this controlling?

seriously?

so all he has to do is have a big strop and you back down. Thats a very slippery slope and certainly heading towards alot of problems in the future.

plus resentment from you.

You only get one life

To be totally frank Nettle, yes, I just can't be doing with him going on at me.

So basically he's ok looking after the children on his own but because he doesn't understand why you'd want to go somewhere on your own, that's it? You can't do it.

Not good really is it? Being in a relationship isn't about being joined at the hip. Lots of people like to go away on their own, i one of them. I would expect a partner to get that tbh. There is a place I visit that's a special place....Sometimes I invite DP, sometimes I don't..He understands that because he doesn't make my special trip about him. Shame your DH can't do the same.

It's perfectly normal to sometimes want to do stuff on your own, especially the kind of thing you have described. Good relationships should allow the couple to be individuals too IMO that means respecting each others' choices and desire to sometimes to be an individual rather than (in your case) wife and mother...As that's what will happen if you all go on the trip, it will be about others needs and not about your own reasons for wanting to go there.

Sounds like your relationship has much bigger issues.

These husbands being displeased and upset! Fgs. They sound like they think they are headmasters dealing with a naughty child who has stepped out of line. Either there is a proper reason for you not to go (finances, impossible for him to get time off, family illness etc) or there isn't. Being 'upset' or 'displeased' or paranoid that others may find it 'odd' are not proper reasons.

You've had a near unanimous response on here OP. Very rare for AIBU. Your DH sounds immature, controlling and I honestly would be ashamed of him after this display if I was unfortunate enough to be married to him. I say go, and if he can't handle it, his problem. I'd be considering my options anyway

You deserve better. You're not "just" his wife, you're a person in your own right

So he doesn't give you a coherent reason, just goes on at you until you back down and gets what he wants? Change your name on here, lock down your security and get over to the Relationships board.

If he's still reading: you have less care for your partners emotional well-being than a bunch of strangers and you are controlling. Get your head out of your arse, grow up, and treat your partner like she's worth as much as you are.

I think he was quite shocked at the messages. He is so used to thinking he is God right.

Yes "D"H if you are still lurking on your wife's thread like a pathetic, useless specimen, she deserves better than an emotionally immature and controlling response to a legitimate request. Is she not a person in her own right? Did she suddenly become the property of you and the children when she became a wife and a mother? Get thee to fuck