To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

Well the latter wouldn't happen anyway but he wouldn't mind me being ill its the planning to be away without him, he doesn't like.

If 4gggggggggggggg was hospitalised, that would be different as there would be people there to keep an eye on her 24 hr

Grief is different for everyone. You obviously need to go so you can complete your grieving process. You can't have closure on something if you still have questions you know you could get answers to. It's hard for him to understand but he doesn't need to understand he just needs to support you. There is bound to be something in your future lives together where the roles will be reversed. As far as what people will think, as this thread shows most would think that he was a supportive husband to pick up the slack to enable his wife to do what she needs to do.

It really, truly doesn't matter why the OP wants to go away for 4 days-the reason is a red herring.

The only important thing is that she wants to and her husband feels he has the right to stop her. And appears to have been successful in stopping her

You should go. I went to see an old friend whose dear mother was dying in Arizona when my eldest and middle children were 3 and 5. Not only did it do me the world of good being away and being me for a week it also gave my husband some wonderful bonding time with his kids and his mum loved it! Sometimes you need to do things that remind you that you are a person, not just a frazzled mummy. You can always offer your husband the opportunity to have a trip of his own if he wants it. Or offer him lots of sex??

Tell your DH to book a spa break.

You know, my DH was away for up to a week a month, every month, at a time when our dc were young. Ostensibly for work, but with a fair few jollies thrown in!
I asked for a week off once, to go to a language school, which I'd wanted to do for years. He told me I was selfish, that if he had to take time off as holiday, he wanted us to take it as a family... so basically, no.

He's now my ex. It took a while, but I got out.

ellie - offer lots of sex? In exchange for fair and equal treatment?

Fuck that.

Jesus, Ellie- the 1950s called and want their poster girl back.

Mr 4ggggg is being a selfish arse. Hope you can go 4ggggg.

You'd think he'd welcome the opportunity to step up and be a hands on father, not consider it "unfair" that he should "have to cope" on his own. How hard does he think parenting is ffs?

Sex is an entitlement, not an extra, you would think. I would just go anyway but he'd perform some trick that meant I actually physically couldn't like hide my passport or something.

He.
Would.
Hide.
Your.
Passport.

Think about that. Please.

But go hide your passport yourself first.

And sex is not an entitlement- is that how he acts?

If he's into deliberately sabotaging your plans then your problems run deeper than just this visit.

Would he really hide your passport ? Think you are in serious situation here op... change your username as soon as possible and post on the relationships board, you will get some good advice and help there, this is not a healthy relationship, its much more than a grumpy selfish husband.

Apologies I wrote the sex bit before I went back and read the whole thread not just the beginning bit. He is an arse!

Can I come?

almost certainly, either that or he would do something else that would mean I couldn't go. He does stuff like this fairly regularly.

And this thread is obvs more serious now than my flippant 'spa break' comment. Archness not appropriate!

Would he ageee to a deal - You go alone this year, and everyone goes next year to the same place?

Op, if your friend came to you and said all the things you've said to us what advice would you give her ?

Why not go on holiday as a family and you go off on your own for a few hours a day whilst your husband looks after the children? That way everyone should be happy?

I'd tell her to LTB Well no i wouldn't actually as I know it's not that straightforward but I sort of would.

I agree with Bert - it doesn't matter why you want to go but in this case I would be making it clear you need to go, it's not a holiday or a 'nice to do'.
As for it's odd - no it isn't. Like others on the thread, DH has been on countless stag do's, all abroad for 4 days, plus weekends away. I haven't been away for 4 days, only overnight. my DH wouldn't say 4 days away is odd, he'd complain about looking after the DCs but definitely wouldn't say it's odd.

I find this really strange. They are his children which he created. What if you were in the military on tour, in hospital or god forbid something worse happened. Tell him many single Dads cope just fine - day in, day out. If he can't help look after his own children for a few days he shouldn't have made them. Go and have a peaceful trip x