To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

YABU
If you wanted single travel - stay single! If you wanted a holiday without DC - stay single

Nina Love - what an outdated thought process. Why can't you be in a loving family unit and be allowed a few days off to travel alone. OP is not suggesting going on some massive gang bang, she is going to mourn a loved one. A trip that is best done without little ones around.

Nina love, have you just stepped out of the 1950s?

OP, if he'd seriously hide your passport to kibosh your plans, then you in deep trouble. You need to think whether you are mentally and physically safe with this man.

Go for it and enjoy yourself. Fwiw I have never been away alone without my children or husband in 13 years of marriage and having read this post, I now know I have missed out. Not leaving them ever before has built up over the years and I do begrudge not ever having had the opportunity to 'escape' for a few days with friends or family. So I suggest you take the chance and make the most of it, which I am sure you will! Let us know how you get on.

Do it! I recently announced I am going away for 1 week to visit a friend abroad. Like you, I didn't want to take dc - I'm going to Hong Kong!!! Neither could we afford all 4 of us to go and stay in a hotel. So, I'm going on my own.

DH initially grumbled a bit ( I do all the childcare) but lately said I deserved it

My children are now grown but I remember going away for 4 to 5 days every year after they were aged 4, it was my time to recharge and I still have a holiday every September by myself...just me time.I have to care for relatives all year and really need the break.
I fully understand your need to go on your own on this sentimental journey, GO !

My OH wouldn't do it, end of! (Look after the children) I suppose it's different as he works all day every day. But he would have still refused when they were small. He's older than me and on his second lot of children. He always says "you wanted children, you look after them" am I the only one with a partner that says this? He's a bit better now they are older.

Your OH is an arse,mumof

Yes mumof, I hope you are the only one. My husband works all day, don't most people? Presumably he wanted kids or he wouldn't have impregnated you...So that is a spurious argument made by a lazy man.

No fucking way in hell would I put up with that.

Op I really think this should be no big deal. Both husband and wife should support each other in both the good times and the bad, that's the whole point in marriage or any equivalent partnership. You should be equal partners. That means if one of you has a burning desire to do something and it is reasonable there is a way it can be organised in practical terms, it should be respected. All that should be expected in return is the same treatment. Therefore it would be quite acceptable for him to do the same or spend a weekend with his mates or whatever it is. My dh is happy for me to swan off to a fairly close European destination roughly twice a year for a long weekend and actually encourages me to do so (it is to visit family but also a treat for me). He gets to have a lads weekend every now and again. Simple, fair. I feel very much for you if you feel you are asking too much here and YANBU

Its a great idea i myself have done 3 sole trips so far and doing another this year. Its great for your own well being and your DH will have a new found respect for what you do with the children. Do it and keep your sanity. He will be fine and might actually enjoy his time with them. Good luck and stick to your guns!!

It is tempting to bin husband and do the trip. But then reality ... Mumof I'm so sorry you're going through that, it was definitely DH here who was keen to have kids but what a horrible attitude.

Maybe he's scared you'd never come back!

YANBU nor have you lost the plot husband and children need reminding from time to time the you need a break too, hire a nanny and go.

Hi, my friend and I went away every year without her two children, from when they were young preschoolers, for a week to somewhere sunny or interesting in the winter. Her husband then went skiing for a week without her.

It worked well, she said it was mildly galling that people thought her husband was very brave to look after his two children while she was away, but never thought she was brave being with them while he was away for his week of skiing!

It worked well, and children are now in their twenties, my friend and her husband going on holidays together, all extremely happy. 🌏

4g - I hope you're ok. Of course you should be able to go. The reason is irrelevant - a loving husband should want to support his wife in something she feels is important whether he understands the rationale or not, especially when all that's required is spending some quality time with his children. It sounds as though there are deeper issues though - I hope you can get some support and consider your position. It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

keen to make you have kids
who suggested you give up work when no 1 came along?
everything is a compromise (ie you give in for an easy life, no 'compromising' the other way)
He has worn you down so that you wont be going on the trip you really want to go on by being nasty.
sex is an entitlement.

This isnt a man who is being a bit of an arse, this is a man who is abusive.

Take a look at these two threads and come join us over in 'relationships'

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2268977-The-Abuser-Profiles

You NEVER get a near unanimous on AIBU

I think you need to sit down and tell him what you plan to do there . Which want to alone for tell him why . Show him where you staying and how unsuitable it is for the kids . Ask him how he would entertain the kids . Tell him you will gone all day every day and won't be back till late and will need to alone then .

Do it! i have done it a few times and get so much out of it. Plus, although he may not think it now, your DH may actually enjoy the time with the kids and feel good about having taken care of the kids by himself.

He would hide your passport????

Massive red flag.

This is not normal.

I love skiing, my husband doesn't. He loves golf - I don't. The kids love skiing too, but I can't always afford to take them too, as DH won't contribute, but will take time off work once a year to look after them while I go. I do the same when he golfs. It's not peculiar at all.

He works every day 7 days a week 365 days a year. (Farmer with livestock) So looking after youngsters wouldn't have been possible. But now they are older it's a bit easier. I thought it was the norm. I have friends who's husbands do more but thought they were the minority.

There are two issues here as far as I see it: 1) trust and 2) job roles. Let's put number 1 to bed. He should trust you, assuming there is no reason not to. If he doesn't, you should talk about that frankly. Number 2, job roles: if you are a full-time mum and that is your job, do you not also deserve some 'leave' or me-time? I think you do. I think where a family has no support (even if you do...!) then both partners need to parent equally. This means (for me) that during the working day the children are cared for - however a family chooses to do this, nursery, child minder, one parent does not work and is the primary carer etc... - and outside those hours both parents are responsible. Which means both are comfortable with the routines, can feed and bath etc, and do not require a medal for doing so. Too many men I know are lazy and cast earnings up to their partner, or joke about 'babysitting' to 'allow' a girls night. This happens only if we allow it. We are no longer in the 1950's in terms of gender roles, nor do we always stay living near our families as we did then. This means more pressure and potentually isolation if you are a full-time mum. It also means that both parties need to step up in terms of childcare. I work full-time now, but have also been a full-time parent; both are equally hard, but with different challenges. If I were forced to choose which was easier I would say working....He has it easy not having to worry about childcare; so I think a few days away to do something that is important to you is not only acceptable, but essential to regain and maintain balance. YANBU.

4g, YANBU at all.

A pp who said something along the lines of - if you were giving advice to a friend going through the same, what would it be - is completely right.
Think about that.

My 'D'H would start an argument EVERY SINGLE time i was due to go out with friends (3 times in 2 years). He went out maaaany more times than me, but i enjoyed the time with my DC.
When i ended up in London on one occasion and rang multiple times to make sure my DC was ok, he would not answer the phone on purpose. He knew it stressed me and spoiled my night - and that of my friends.
He is my ex for this - and many, many other - similar reasons.

He is emotional abusing you by not supporting you in something so important to you. 4 days is not a long time.

Please think about this 4g, hide your passport (give it to a friend or family member to look after if necessary) and change your name on here on the relationship boards.

We will be thinking of you.

Yet another bloke who sees his wife as a possession, a domestic appliance, not a person. He would hide your passport? I'd be tempted to report it stolen by him. How the hell do intelligent, sparky women find themselves in thrall to such fuckwits?