To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

[bhappy55]

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. what, cuddling up together by the fire, the cat curled at your feet, browsing baby books? Only in films...

He sounds like a good dad who is putting his kids first. That is exactly how it should be.
His DC may be feeling vulnerable at the arrival of your baby and he needs to be doing everything possible to reassure them, which it sounds like he is.

YRBVU

Are you serious ?

This has got to be a reverse surely because nobody could be that stupid

Sadly, some people are. My dad's wife was for one. And my exh's girlfriend. And they don't even have children, she just gets prioritised over his children because she's so needy.

The children are aware.

More than that, does anyone actually read "pregnancy related stuff"? What does that even mean?

Grow up.

I am sorry you are getting hostile answers but YABU. You need to work out who will sub in for your DP to support you and be on call while he can continue to see his older children. I think it's really off that some previous posters called you names. A first pregnancy is an anxious time, but you need to now rally your own support network for pre and post birth, as he cannot drop his existing responsibilities.

for these coming weeks and months.

I think people are forgetting how scary it is to be alone during the later stages of pregnancy

Oh please, plenty of women don't have someone in full time attendance in the last few weeks of pregnancy. It's not 'scary'. Unless you're stuck in the middle of nowhere with no phone, then you really don't have any reason to need a fulltime slave.

I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together.
Or, you know, he could just practice the really important bit that comes after they are born... with his actual other children that have feelings and everything?

YABU. You're pregnant, not ill. and you've ages to go.

What's the worst that can happen? Unless you need him to physically deliver the baby, in the event that went into labour and were told to get to the hospital, you'd call a cab and he'd get there asap. It could just as easily happen whilst he's at work but presumably you're not expecting him to take leave.

I get it's special and important for you, but your child won't trump his existing children, ever. He'll love them equally. Yours will have the benefit of living with him, so please don't push them out. It'll backfire on you spectacularly.

OP where art thou?

Sorry that you're feeling vulnerable and lonely but I'm afraid that I agree with the others, YABU. I do wonder if there is a compromise though, does he need to come back that late?

I don't think you can expect him not to see the kids until the birth, and agree with others that there would be a risk of building resentment. But you might want to make sure for peace of mind that you've thought through contingency plans, is there someone else you can also call if it were to happen that he is two and a half hours away when the time comes, to support you while he's end route?

But I also think it's likely to feel more difficult not having him around every other weekend with a new born (and beyond). As others have said/asked, can't the children come to you rather than him being away, at least some of the time? Though if they have e.g. weekend activities perhaps that makes it difficult/them reluctant.

Another YABU here i'm afraid. He's being a good parent. I understand you're feeling vulnerable but you can't keep him or anyone else chained to your side for a month with no good reason. Life doesn't work like that, even when you're pregnant.

YABU will this sort of thought process continue once your baby is born?
"AIBU in wanting my partner not to see his DC this weekend because our baby is 3 days old, 2 weeks old, 3 weeks old, 18 weeks old"...

Do you not have any kind of relationship with his DC? From what I read, he always goes to them. Is that right?

Get a grip! Be glad he's a great dad who wants to spend time with his kids.

YABU Invite his kids to stay and ask him to take some leave.

Read all 5 pages waiting to see how old the kids were and op hasn't replied 🙁
Anyway, yabu. Of course you are! You could have another 6 weeks to go yet. What would you do if you went into labour while he was travelling with work? His kids are just as important to him as your child will be. And you need to accept that now otherwise it will be a difficult transition into motherhood. It's hard to think rationally though when you're 36 weeks pregnant.

As others have said YABU.

He needs to see his children and the world does not stop because of your pregnancy. If you go overdue, he may not see his children for a couple of months.

You sound a little precious with wanting him to read pregnancy books with you. He has been there done that already and most men don't sit there reading books. Many women have coped fine on their own without needing a partner there all the time. As long as he is there for the birth all is fine.

I know you've not had the baby yet but try to imagine not living with your baby and only seeing him/her every couple of weeks.
Then imagine your DH asking you not to go and see your baby.
That's probably how your DH is feeling.

Why would he want to neglect his children's need to read pregnancy books? Seriously? I'm a bit confused by all this. I can't actually believe someone can be so precious. Potentially you could not have the baby for another 6 weeks and you think you're reasonable in asking him to stop seeing his kids for that long? Christ.

Very unreasonable. What makes you think your pregnancy should be more important to him than his DC. Hopefully you've not said this out loud to anyone in RL.

what, cuddling up together by the fire, the cat curled at your feet, browsing baby books? Only in films...

Wow. That was uncalled for!!!! Nasty comes to mind.

OP - onviously all these people on here during there first pregnancy done in completely alone no one to help them.when waters broke etc cave woman style and there supee human.
I however do remember my first being born and the last weeks and the worry. So although you cannot expect him to not see his.children. prehaps you have another close relative or friend that would love to be ur bakup birthing partner incase he cant make it?