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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

347 replies

bhappy55 · 19/02/2017 21:41

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

OP posts:
angeldiver · 19/02/2017 21:48

Yabu. How do you think his kids would feel if he didn't see them and explained the reason why?
How would you feel if you were those children's mother and the father abandoned them for his new wife? Not happy at a guess!!

Somehowsomewhere · 19/02/2017 21:48

So 6 weeks then a couple of weeks when the baby is born... you really want him to not see his DC for 2 months? Really?

lazydog · 19/02/2017 21:48

YABVU. At 2.5hrs drive away he'll have plenty of time to get back to you, assuming that this is your first?

AverysillyoldHector · 19/02/2017 21:48

Yes you are being unreasonable.

drinkyourmilk · 19/02/2017 21:48

I understand why you feel this way' I'm 34 weeks with our first and I like my dh close too. Alas it's unreasonable to punish his existing children, but I'm sure you know that. Is it possible for the kids to stay at your &dh house for the weekend? Or for you to visit woth him? Where does he stay when he sees them? Do you have a relationship with them?

user1471467016 · 19/02/2017 21:49

Yabu

Moanyoldcow · 19/02/2017 21:49

Think how you would feel if your DC was the one whose visits were stopped because their dad's new wife was about to go into labour? You should be glad he loves them and wants to spend time with them - it shows you how he'll be with your child, esp if your relationship fails (which I obviously hope it doesn't!)

RyanStartedTheFire · 19/02/2017 21:49

YABU. No matter how you're feeling, it's unreasonable to ask anyone to put their kids on hold.

BToperator · 19/02/2017 21:49

YABU. His DC are every bit as important as the one you are expecting. You are lucky. It sounds like he is a great Dad, and your DC will be lucky to have him.

Goondoit · 19/02/2017 21:49

Yabvu. Those are his dc too and should you start to feel the pangs of labour I'm sure you can contact him and he will start to make his way home.

You can't ask him to stop visiting his dc just incase

Theyhaveallbeenused2 · 19/02/2017 21:49

Yabvu. Can't you go with him or kids come to you?

londonrach · 19/02/2017 21:49

Yabu. Really bad move. His dc in fact will need more attention now. Can they come to you instead.

clumsyduck · 19/02/2017 21:50

As others say yabvvvvvu !!
Once you have your dc hopefully youl appreciate how much of a big ask what your suggesting would be

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 19/02/2017 21:50

YABU.

I remember posting on here when my third was due, because we were meant to have DSS for the half term week which my due date fell in. DH also hadn't booked a specific week off for paternity leave as I was induced at 36 weeks in previous pregnancy.

All worked out in the end - his kids aren't going anywhere you need to get used to them being there when it's inconvenient to you or when you plain don't want them there. He only sees them every other weekend.

You could have another 6 weeks to go and you don't want him to see them at all?

ifyoulikepinacolada · 19/02/2017 21:50

Yab totally u.

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 19/02/2017 21:51

he needs to see his kids. Please don't exclude them

Whattodo23 · 19/02/2017 21:52

Ridiculous. Yes you are definitely being very unreasonable.

Redglitter · 19/02/2017 21:52

YABVU the children he has are every bit as important as yours will be. His children might already be feeling unsettled knowing their daddy is about to have another child. Not seeing them for the weeks as you've suggested sends them totally the wrong message about where they feature in his life.

SofiaAmes · 19/02/2017 21:52

Just wait until you have the baby and you will wish he had traded the time with his kids before the arrival until after the arrival when you will really need him. But seriously YABVU. I am beginning to think this is a windup. How could anyone be so oblivious about the feelings of her stepchildren? And it's very weird that they don't ever come to stay with their father (they would not be visiting you, as you put it).
And you are worried about him driving around the country and the effect it has on his health????? This really must be a windup.

DementedUnicorn · 19/02/2017 21:52

YAB totally and utterly U

Costacoffeeplease · 19/02/2017 21:52

Really? Shock

Bluntness100 · 19/02/2017 21:52

Oh dear, this is going to be unanimous.

How long after the birth will you feel he can leave you. How long in total would you like him to stop seeing his kids for.

Yes, you're being unreasonable and rather unpleasant. He only sees them every other weekend, so he's with uou the alternate weekends.

DreamingOfAFullNightsSleep · 19/02/2017 21:52

He can't ditch his children just in case ! They'll feel threatened by the new sibling immediately. 2.5 hours gives him time to get back if you went into labour. Why does he need to leave at 10:30pm though?! Can't see why he can't get home for a reaosnable hour, enough time for a brew with you if not a meal though.

yorkshapudding · 19/02/2017 21:52

Have you discussed what will happen once the baby is here? Will you also be asking him to not see his DC for a while after the birth? If so then he could end up not seeing them for two months! Maybe more. Imagine how that would make his DC feel. They may already be feeling anxious and resentful about the impending arrival of a new baby so any gaps in contact will intensify that.

Thattimeofyearagain · 19/02/2017 21:53

You are having a child with a man who already has children . You presumably knew this when you got pregnant? Have a good hard think on how you want your family to work because at the moment you sound like your going to put one child ( yours) over his existing children. No good can come of it.

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