To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

[bhappy55]

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

YAB extremely U.

We are in almost exactly the same situation, except my DH does all the journeying every other weekend, and the round trip is 8+ hours (longer on Sundays).

With the birth of DD1, she was born in the midweek, I was released from hospital on Wednesday, he went to get DSS on the Friday.

With DD2 I went into labour on a Sunday morning when DSS was with us. We rang his mum, sent an email to the school, and DH's ex came to get him three days later once we'd been released from hospital and DSS had met his newest sister.

He was there first. Your DH will feel exactly the same about your dc together as he does his existing ones. Presumably the fact that he's a committed dad was part of the things that attracted you to him and made you want to reproduce with him; this is an extension of that commitment.

Yabu. For all the reasons above.

Yabu - if the roles were reversed and DH was with someone else who was pregnant, how would you feel if your DH said that to the dc you have together ?

YUBU

I presume you want his DC to have a good relationship with your new baby?

When my Dad remarried and had another baby my DB and I did have our insecurities, thinking he might prefer the new baby to us. He did his best to reassure us.

If you try to stop him from seeing his DC until this new baby arrives it could really affect how his DC are feeling. Have you considered this?

YABU, you can't expect him to not see his children, sorry to be blunt but they are his priority, not you.

Yabu!
I think that you and your h should move closer to the kids. My ex moved 2.5 hours away but it was so hard on everyone including the kids. Luckily he saw sense and moved 40 mins away which is far more reasonable.

Yanbu to feel vulnerable but you might have 6 weeks to go which is too long without seeing your kids. Stopping seeing the kids for so long is a sure fire way to cause the stepkids and your h to feel resentment/sibling rivalry.

Yabu, sorry

He can't just pick up and put down his children because you want to read baby books together. That's not how it works

Please remember that those children will be just as important to him as your baby will be when it comes along.

YABVU!

Can you imagine the conversation.... sorry kids can't see you this weekend as your siblings will be born soon.

Absolutely wrong. You knew he had DC when you married him. Yob can't shelve them to suit you.

You are talking about your DH seeing his chilldren as if it's some optional extra. Something he can dip in and out of according to other plans/ whims. Extraordinary!

Newsflash: he loves his two children right now every bit as much as he'll love the child he's having with you. Then he will have 3 children he will love equally.

Well aren't you a special little snowflake.

YABVU

Like drink, I get where you're coming from - I'm 40+5 with my first. My DH works far away and his hobby takes him to remote places for hours at a time. However, he's always available on the phone, and from my experience so far (and that of many friends), very little happens before time, and it takes a good long while when it does! So, rationally speaking, YABU to ask him not to travel to his kids 'just in case'. I wonder though if there's more to this, and you perhaps aren't feeling as cared for/prioritised as you would like generally?? Does he know how anxious you are?

YABU

Yabvu sorry.

I can understand you must be feeling lonely but you knew he had kids before you agreed to have a baby. He can't just put them on hold.

Why do they live 2.5 hours away, did he move to be with you?

How's it going to work once the baby is born?

Dear god, this can't be real. "Sorry kids, daddy is having a new baby and you're no longer important. His new princess wife is the only woman who has ever been pregnant and needs her hand held 24 hours a day."

How old are the children?
How come he doesn't get home till midnight on Sundays if it's a 2.5hr drive away?
YABU, but I think it would be reasonable to talk with him about the possibility of planning his work so he can get home earlier during the week. What are your plans for introducing the DC to their new sibling?

Is this a reverse?

Wanting your DH to stay home to read books with you is wholly unreasonable. You shouldn't have children with a father if you weren't willing to share him. I'm sorry you are feeling a bit vulnerable. Is there anyone else nearby who can keep you company and support you when he's away?

Maybe just allow him to see them Xmas and birthdays then?!!

YABU.
Believe me, if you think it would be just "in the last remaining weeks" I think you're sorely mistaken... if anything, I think you'd feel like you need him more once the baby is here! If you're going to ask for greater 'presence', pick your battles (i.e. I think you'd have more need of him post-birth than pre-birth).
I think you're being a bit high maintenance. Having married someone with 2 children already, I reckon you have to accept this sort of situation.

Well OP I think you have your answer!

'Read pregnancy related stuff'

Probably why he's making himself extra Scarce

I understand how you feel but yabu. You knew the set up before getting pregnant. His kids are his kids and he will still go to see them. He has ti he is thsir dad and he wants ti. Thats a good thing. It means he is a good father.
They obviously have a good relationshio and i dont know but obviously gets on well with his ex for the kids which is also good. Would yoi want to ruin that and the rest of your lives..... and end up with a a bitter ex wife and the children.

U fortuantly you will just have to suck it up without sou ding harsh. But thats reality. Pregmancy isnt easy but nor his child rearing. What about after baby is born is he exoected to not see his other kids because you will want him around all the time then.

The thing is he will have 1 weekend with you then 1 with the kids. That is how it is going to be.

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and birth. And i am sorry if what i said is harsh. But sometimes we just need to be told straight