To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

[bhappy55]

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

It never says anywhere that DH was the one that moved away (maybe I missed but I didn't see that anywhere). It could have very well been the ex. Either way they should be compromising on getting children to one another. It shouldn't be one parent doing all the work every time.

Seeing as his current wife is pregnant I think his ex could be a bit more considerate and offer to meet kids halfway for weekends at dads or something. It is her DC new sibling after all so it's not like the new baby has no relevance in her life.

so it's not like the new baby has no relevance in her life.

My XH's subsequent children have fuck all relevance to my life.

His dc in fact will need more attention now.
^^ This, totally.

soupdragon if that's the way you're going to look at it then why should his old children be a consideration for his new wife?

You can't choose one or the other. It's both always if he's involved in both kids lives. That is your children's sibling. What a nasty view to have.

Well, somebody moved away. Don't see why his ex should compromise because her ex decided to start another family.

"Her DH should push for what is best for his DC."

You can tell him that if ever decides to start a thread on MN.

But for now its OP asking for advice.

'why should his old children be a consideration for his new wife? '

His 'old' children? Obviously they're not a consideration for his latest wife because she'd like for him to drop them for the latest sprog.

Yeah right 🙄👹

You're pregnant not ill. So you want him to abandon his existing children so he can clean the home, listen to you moan about pregnancy and read baby books with you. PFB syndrome at its finest.

His children will already be feeling threatened by a new sibling, to tell them they can't see daddy as his adult wife can't be alone is ridiculous.

I can predict the future, they can't come as recovering from birth, not yet vaccinated etc.

Nr

Threads like this make me thank my stars that dh has had a vasectomy, the thought of some entitled madam demanding our kids miss out on him for WEEKS, is really heartbreaking to think about.

Op, you must be feeling vulnerable i guess, but if you're considering keeping a father apart from his kids, so you can chat about whatever comes into your head, you need to give that head a wobble.

Make a plan for all eventualities' regarding the birth (dh was 5 hours away when dd started coming)

He's really not going to want to read pregnancy books with you
YABU - his older kids will need more of his attention now & when the baby is born not less. Think about it from their point of view.

Having given this a bit of further thought, I don't think it is entirely unreasonable to ask your DH to stay closer to home during the two weeks preceding the due date. Yes, it would mean his DCs had to miss a weekend with him or travel to him rather than the other way around, but being part of a family does mean you have to accept that people need to be prioritised at times and that is fair. For example, if one of his DCs was very ill, you would understand him having to be away even more than he is at the moment. If they are 8+ then I would say they are old enough to understand "Daddy has to be with bhappy this week in case she needs to go to the hospital."

That being said, you can't do this for 6 weeks because that is a lot of missed time with his kids, and potentially more if baby is late.

No way on the planet I'd have this. I'm surprised you've put up with this setup for so long - it sounds horrendous. You can't expect him to not see his children, but you are not unreasonable for him to make alternative arrangements. I'd be having a conversation now about how it's going to work when your baby arrives.

First things first, you are pregnant not terminally ill. You do not need 24/7 nursing for the next 6 weeks and if you do you'll be admitted to a hospital. You're just being a bit speshul snowflakey.

To be fair, as it's your first baby, you're very focused on the "preparation for labour". I'll let you into a wee secret... that's just some bollocks to entertain you while you're on maternity leave! Your husband already knows that. What you need to consider far more than snuggly sofas and baby books is the coming 18 years because it is way way waaaaaaaay harder than the labours your watching on obem.

Ofcourse you're all excited and it's all new to you but you chose to do this with a man whose done it twice before. Every one of us with more than one child will tell you that you just can't disappear in to baby fantasy clouds when you have kids already. Life has to go on. Your husband cannot just drop his kids to hibernate with you, that's not how it works. He's "daddy" already and you're just going to have to suck that up. In 6 weeks time you will no longer be the most important person you know and, hopefully, you'll then understand that what you're asking isn't just "unreasonable" it's downright outrageous.

Chalk it up to pre-baby madness and fgs don't make a huge deal out of it. Good luck.

How ridiculous,if I was your partner and you asked me I'd laugh at you.

I don't think op is coming back.

Some of the responses here are very harsh. I imagine your birth partner being frequently 2 and a half hours away from home would bother any first time mum - it isn't the OP being 'precious' to want her DH to be with her more as she becomes less mobile and more uncomfortable. Her expectations are probably too high given he is already a father but please stop with the contemptuous 'special snowflake' bollocks. Pregnancy is hard and first labour is scary. Be kinder!

but I don't see how he can expect the current set up to continue once the baby is born anyway!

Well the time to have thought about that would have been before you got pregnant.

This is how first family DC get dropped when second family DC come along.

Threads like this make me thank my stars that dh has had a vasectomy, the thought of some entitled madam demanding our kids miss out on him for WEEKS, is really heartbreaking to think about.

It isn't just men that do it. In our case it was DSC mother that decided second family was more important.

I think people have been harsh on the OP and I don't think she's trying to make her baby trump his DC's. It's her first pregnancy and she spends most of her time alone. I don't think it's unreasonable to want him around more the closer her due date gets.... But I do think OP that you are unreasonable to want your Dh to stop seeing his kids altogether but I do think something needs to be worked out where he is at home more/closer imo

I imagine your birth partner being frequently 2 and a half hours away from home would bother any first time mum

My partner was in the forces. He was on the ship right up until His 11 days leave when our son was born. There was every possibility he wouldn't be home for the birth. Luckily DS came during his leave before he deployed for 6 months. We just accepted this was what we chose when we decided to have a baby. OP chose her own circumstances in which to have a baby.

YABU
Include the children, don't cut them off, even for a few weeks.
He sounds like a good father.
I think you know you're being selfish here

I think the OP may have got the point by now.

I think this thread has descended into bullying, just by the sheer weight of responses saying YABU and variations thereon.

She is heavily pregnant and on her own for much of the time FWIW I had an incredibly quick labour with my first and if my DH had been two and a half hours away he would have missed half of it.

I also think she is unreasonable but can't we all just stop now?

I think this thread has descended into bullying, just by the sheer weight of responses saying YABU and variations thereon.

It is AIBU

I know. I think AIBU often descends into bullying.

Buy hey, she knew what she was getting into