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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should they have offered to have washed clothes with vomit on?

210 replies

MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 20:16

We went to see the inlaws. For various reasons we don't stay with them however relations are good and they seem to genuinely love DS (age 1).
We didn't stay in their town, but 15 mins away and about 5 mins away from SILs.

DS was horrendously sick when we arrived In our hotel bedroom. Both our clothes and the surrounding area were covered in vomit. So much so we had to buy new clothes as the handwashed ones didn't dry.

We spoke to MIL at various points in the day namely to ensure that we went to the dinner (in a restaurant in the town where we were staying). We did and DS vomitted there too a few times leaving us both drentched in vomit again.

Since coming home I've been thinking it would have been nice if MIL or even SILs had offered to have washed our clothes or even just DS's or even when we saw them this afternoon said something along the lines of " you could have washed your clothes here, we have a washing machine and a dryer". As it was they didn't offer and I didn't ask. It has got me thinking if IABU to at least hope they would offer? FWIW I would have offered.

OP posts:
SockswithSandals · 20/02/2017 02:08

Same here @crunchymum if I'd been in that restaurant I'd have ended up in major panic attack mode

ElvishArchdruid · 20/02/2017 02:17

Playing devils advocate, I take chemotherapy by injection weekly, so immune system is weak. I have multiple issues so I have an illeostomy & im tube fed. So I don't go to a restaurant to eat but keep my hubby & children company.

If you were on the table next to me I'd be freaking out, DH would know I'm freaking out and start to panic himself as he knows what will be going through my mind. We protect the children from such fears as we don't want them getting a phobia of being ill.

I would then be on high alert for 72 hours, panicking at every creak of the floor boards after bed time, panicking everytime someone went to the loo at night.

If I was to fall ill I'm pretty much guaranteed a hospital admission. Depending on how bad the issues.

At 12 months you have spit ups after feeds, then you have actual vomiting & if it covers you, your DH & baby, plus a sizeable portion of the room, that is code for baby has a bug, stay indoors or make your way home. Try to have as little contact with others as possible. Get a container or something so the person sat with DC can catch the sick.

It is my number one pet hate, hearing kids who are out saying they don't feel well, then throwing up over half the restaurant. It doesn't do good for other patrons who suddenly won't be hungry, plus the poor staff are at risk as well.

But you have the added pleasure it appears, of not ONLY infecting the restaurant but a plane too.

We bash MIL's but we would certainly not take a child into a public place and risk others safety. It seems that we didn't do the initial what a bitch MIL for not cleaning clothes, so now it's her fault for you infecting a restaurant with a sickness bug that is going to can their livelihood.

What's the betting MIL calls with, oh that restaurant we went to was on the front of the local paper after everyone got sick. Good bye business reputation.

PrincessPeach08 · 20/02/2017 03:15

First time parent or not where is your common sense? I am a first time parent and can assure you if my child was poorly the last thing i'd be doing would be taking them anywhere, let alone a restaurant. I can't imagine how awful it would be being ill and sitting in a room full of strangers, smells, loud noises etc yet you thought it acceptable to subject a baby to this. Beggars belief... oh and thats before the fact you didn't stop to consider the implications for the other diners, restaurant staff etc. Beyond selfish and incredible that your worry in all this is that no one offered to wash your clothes ffs. As a parent of a child the same age as yours I'm actually gobsmacked you could bow down to your mil over the comfort of your child for the sake of family politics.

TowerRavenSeven · 20/02/2017 03:41

Yabu. When I start to vomit I can't stop, the last two times I ended up in hospital. I wouldn't wash someone's pukey clothes with a ten foot pole unless it was my own ds's or dh's for fear I would catch the virus.

There is no way on earth I care what any one thinks if our ds is sick. Who cares if you upset the apple cart when your child is miserable? I just honestly can't understand that.

onbroadway89 · 20/02/2017 03:46

Agreeing with everyone else (not sure anyone could agree your decision to take your LO into a restuarant that could have such potentially dangerous consequences for other diners). However, I really hope that he is better now.

One of my major concerns is that you say the restaurant he had vomitted in the doorway of told you it was ok to come in. If that really did happen then I think they need reporting to enviromental health. It is just so hard to believe that anyone in the restaurant trade would risk their repuation, health of their diners and possible legal ramifications, and told you to come in. Surely not?? They need reporting - though one of the other diners who walked through the "drenched in vomit" areas may have already done that.

ps I do think most people would put the health of their child before their MIL's wishes, even if she had a gun to your head, but I am sure you realise that now.

ElvishArchdruid · 20/02/2017 03:59

Hang on a minute!

You're saying that you bought spare clothes, you went out in the evening, you just happened to have extra spare clothes with you? A coincidence, or were you thinking just in case.

MrsPeelyWaly · 20/02/2017 04:35

Love my MIL but I'm not so keen to please that I'd endanger public health

The baby was sick, not radioactive.

IwasAM · 20/02/2017 04:35
Hmm
HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 20/02/2017 05:36

My ILs and parents would have offered to wash the clothes, and I would offer for my family in a similar situation.

The op has taken on board that she wrong to go out to dinner.

MontePulciana · 20/02/2017 06:00

I don't ask. I just go straight to their washing machine or dryer and use it. We're all family here. Echo the can't believe you took poor baby to restaurant though!

Casschops · 20/02/2017 06:27

You were walking through the doors! Any sane person would have turned round and gone back to the hotel. It is unreasonable, selfish and unkind to your child and fellow diners. Why should your relatives know to offer to wash the clothes? Why should they compensate for your lack of preparation and carelessness?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/02/2017 06:47

You took a vomiting child to restaurant? Presumably the child doesn't have acid reflux. My DCs had it and I used to get covered from head to toe after every feed.

How unfair to the other diners and the poor kid who clearly needed some rest too.

VintagePerfumista · 20/02/2017 07:30

If you or your husband had vomited first in the hotel room, then in the entrance to the restaurant, would you have continued?

Exactly.

(and, please give over with the "first time mum, she'll know better next time" malarky, we aren't lobotomised at the point we give birth, some iota of common sense generally remains)

I am still nonplussed that the visit was a plane journey away and only one pair of pants was taken tbh. Even Ryanair will let you take 10k of pants for free.

Ankleswingers · 20/02/2017 07:42

Oh jeez. My kind of nightmare this. How utterly irresponsible and selfish of you. How the hell can you think it's acceptable to take an unwell child into a restaurant.

I am emetephobic too and would have freaked out big time. Massively.

Aside from that , the selfishness is unbelievable. To your DS most importantly, but also to those people eating in that restaurant.

Where is your common sense??

Shock
Oblomov17 · 20/02/2017 07:52

Good god. Are you for real? I find women like you so weak, that I find you literally frightening. Seriously.

KermitRuffinsTrumpet · 20/02/2017 07:54

*Someone else's fault, not daily Hmm

RupertsMum2 · 20/02/2017 08:00

I don't think you are unreasonable to have hoped your MIL or SIL would have offered to wash the clothes for you. I would have offered to wash dsd or dgs things and, indeed, have done all their washing for two weeks whilst waiting for a new machine to arrive and they had some amount of washing!
Your dh should have asked his mother if you could use her machine. She may have thought you would have asked if you had wanted to.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 20/02/2017 08:28

At my DCs last school. We had a letter sent out saying a child had been diagnosed with leukaemia and could you please alert the school if you're child comes down with chicken pox etc as the childs medical team need notifying.

Literally a week later. A mum bought her child in and was laughing and joking saying "she was sick in the night and this morning but I'm still bringing her in. She's fine now and I need a break".

I once knew a child on chemo who spent two weeks in hospital when he picked up a tummy bug. I spent the rest of my time in that school thinking she was one of the most selfish twats I'd ever had the misfortune of knowing.

Does MIL have health problems OP? I'd have been hesitant to wash them to in case it was contagious. I have my own health problems and I'm a single parent.

Picking up a bug guarantees me a hospital stay.

More to the point. Regardless of you taking a poorly baby into a crowded restaurant. Young children need rest when they're that poorly. Not dragged out when they've vomited several times already. I'm sure the people wouldn't have been offended if you'd made your excuses.

ElvishArchdruid · 20/02/2017 08:30

I really hope this isn't true as its a totally new kind of stupid. No matter how sorry OP is, it won't comfort those who were about who may now catch the bug, or worse have sick children, need time off work, generally having a shitty time.

You could argue it's a risk you take when you go out. But even with first time babies you can generally tell if they're not well. After either of mine were ill they'd have boiled water and toast for 24 hours.

DixieNormas · 20/02/2017 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BorrowedHeart · 20/02/2017 13:30

Just incase you haven't heard it enough, how thick can you be to take a child that has vomited in the last 48hours out? Do you really care more about your mil than your own son? I'm a bit concerned that you aren't smart enough to have a child, everyone knows it's 48hours after vomiting of any kid just to be safe. People like you could kill my child!

BorrowedHeart · 20/02/2017 13:30

Kind*

Trainspotting1984 · 20/02/2017 13:43

I think people are being really unkind. If you really think everyone quarantines their child for 48 hours after every vomit you're mistaken. It's nothing to do with being stupid or thick (unnecessary insults btw)

mouldycheesefan · 20/02/2017 13:52

If you are so driven by FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) of your mil that you take a sick baby to a restaurant then you really need to review your relationship. You made a very unwise decision. Be a grown up, you are a mother, put your child's needs first. Not your mils.

Leatherboundanddown · 20/02/2017 13:57

You spread d&v round a restaurant! This is unbelievable. I am a waitress and would have definitely been very shocked by this.

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