Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should they have offered to have washed clothes with vomit on?

210 replies

MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 20:16

We went to see the inlaws. For various reasons we don't stay with them however relations are good and they seem to genuinely love DS (age 1).
We didn't stay in their town, but 15 mins away and about 5 mins away from SILs.

DS was horrendously sick when we arrived In our hotel bedroom. Both our clothes and the surrounding area were covered in vomit. So much so we had to buy new clothes as the handwashed ones didn't dry.

We spoke to MIL at various points in the day namely to ensure that we went to the dinner (in a restaurant in the town where we were staying). We did and DS vomitted there too a few times leaving us both drentched in vomit again.

Since coming home I've been thinking it would have been nice if MIL or even SILs had offered to have washed our clothes or even just DS's or even when we saw them this afternoon said something along the lines of " you could have washed your clothes here, we have a washing machine and a dryer". As it was they didn't offer and I didn't ask. It has got me thinking if IABU to at least hope they would offer? FWIW I would have offered.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 19/02/2017 21:07

Yabvvvu for taking him out to dinner. That was an monumentally stupid think to do.

And yabu for not asking in laws to use their washing machine. They're family, just ask!

sabzii · 19/02/2017 21:09

I wouldn't want to wash vomit-covered clothes from someone else's child TBH, unless they'd been hand washed and I could put them on a very hot wash. I'd be worried about spreading the virus or the smell lingering in my washing machine.
We had a similar thing with DD (toddler) on a long weekend away. She had a bug and was sick a few times. We handwashed everything, bagged them up (damp) in nappy bags and took them home to wash.

abbsisspartacus · 19/02/2017 21:10

I sat next to a family recently whose child vomited everywhere to the point I moved our chairs away they cleaned her up and the staff cleaned the area then they ate some more and gave her more food I didn't see them wash there hands we packed away our stuff and left them too it (indoor picnic area)

minisoksmakehardwork · 19/02/2017 21:10

And after re reading ops posts I think it's even worse that after the first horrendous vomiting experience you didn't just go straight home. It might have been a one off, but I wouldn't have wanted to risk it.

kali110 · 19/02/2017 21:11

helensburgh i don't think the op is ignorant to the rule, she didn't want to say no to the mil.
A lot of people who don't have kids would know not to take a sick one out.
Why do you feel like you can't say no to your mil?
Would your dh not stand up for you?
Or would he not want to let his mom down?

littledinaco · 19/02/2017 21:11

Use this as a lesson to always put your DS and his needs first. Regardless of any fall outs with in laws, etc you are his mum and he needs you to do what's best for him regardless of what anyone else thinks.

abbsisspartacus · 19/02/2017 21:12

Btw when my daughter had massive travel sickness when we were driving to the beach? We bought clothes from a charity shop and washed everything at a laundrette still had a good day but she wasn't ill she was travel sick

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 19/02/2017 21:12

Blows my mind. One episode of vomiting, okay play it by ear. The second he puked on you as you walked into the restaurant you should have told your MIL to poke it and taken your poorly baby out!

Can't believe you subjected your sick child to dining out, and the entire restaurant to your sick child because you were worried about your mils tantrum.

And fwiw, if she's that unreasonable that she insisted you keep you poorly child out, why would you think she'd even offer?

witchofzog · 19/02/2017 21:12

So he was sick in the ONE place every person in the building has to pass through? Bravo op. Selfish and gutless springs to mind. You should have taken your sick DS home regardless to what your mil wanted.

And don't expect other people to catch the bug by washing his clothes either. Double bag,take home and wash them yourself.

Purplepotatoe · 19/02/2017 21:13

I'm reading your responses...

URGH I would not take sicky clothes of my nearest and dearest home with me. Rinse them out in the sink of your hotel and bag them up fgs it's not a big deal.

URGH you took a child up chucking into a restaurant! Who cares what your MIL said, do you not have a mind of your own?

MojitoMollie · 19/02/2017 21:13

did you go to their house at all? if not thats probably why they didnt offer

GarrulousGrimoire · 19/02/2017 21:14

A. No they WBU if you were in my actual house I might offer but in that situation I wouldn't expect vommy clothes to be transported. I would expect you to bag and take home/bin to wash and have enough spares with you.

B. School says its 24hrs for vomit and 48 for diaorreha (sp) so for a baby that could still chuck milk after 24hrs and no symptoms I'd have gone for the meal

C. Carrying on into the restaurant post vomit number 2, whatever the hell the politics are was HUGELY unreasonable and you need to grow a spine to protect your DC and others.

Original poster
MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 21:18

We did handwash clothes in hotel sink with detergent. They remained damp which is why we bought new clothes. Yes we double bagged them and brought them home.

Putting DS in the car and driving home wasn't an option as we were in another country. So a plane ride away.

DS hasn't been sick since.

We didn't go to MIL's house. We did go to SIL's house this afternoon. Again on her insistence.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 19/02/2017 21:19

I bet the restaurant is going to be dead pleased next week if the other diners ring Environmental Health citing their food as the reason they are ill instead of the fact that you knowingly took a contagious baby there.

It still amazes me that, despite all the publicity and education, some people think the 48hour rule doesn't apply to them. I hope there wasn't any one going throug chemo or something else which compromises immunity in the restaurant.

NoCapes · 19/02/2017 21:23

You were in another country so home = your hotel room
He needed to be comfy in his PJ's cuddled up under a blanket being cuddled and cared for

He also got dragged to SILs house too!?!
Seriously OP why!?!?!!!

melj1213 · 19/02/2017 21:28

OP you are being massively U and I feel sorry for your poor child - they should have been at home if they were that sick!

  1. Who goes away with a baby/small child for any kind of multi-day trip without at least a couple of changes of clothing?! Even if I am just going away for a weekend without my DD I take a couple of extra clothes options, not just enough to get me through the weekend. When my DD was little I always packed us both twice as many outfits as I thought I'd need, not just to cover for sickness but for the inevitable dirt, grime and food/felt tip/who knows what stains that small children seem to get on themselves, and invariably on me, wherever they are.

  2. Who doesn't then ask their family if they can stick said clothes in the washing machine and expect them to just offer? Especially if you're not at their house they probably didn't even think to ask, maybe they thought you'd asked the hotel laundry service/were staying in a holiday flat with washing facilities etc. If it was me I'd have been asking if we could pop over to the house and do a quick load of washing as the baby had been badly sick - they could have had some time with their grandchild and I could have sorted our sick-covered clothes while someone else entertained my child for five minutes.

  3. Who thinks it's perfectly normal for their one year old to vomit so badly they drench their own clothes, their parent's and "the surrounding area"? That kind of sickness is nowhere near normal, if my DD had done that out of the blue at 1 y/o without any other symptoms, I'd have been taking her straight to the doctor; if she had other symptoms before we left home we wouldn't have gone on any trip, she'd have been at home in bed; and if it happened on arrival if we couldn't go straight home then we'd have been staying in until it passed.

  4. Who then walks into a restaurant with said sick child, have them vomit enough to change clothes before you've even got inside and then stay for the meal?! I'd have been taking my DD straight back to the hotel as soon as she threw up the first time, MIL be damned, if not bundling her straight in the car and going home! Even if we had then gone into the restaurant, the moment it happened again, we'd have made our apologies explained DD clearly wasn't well and excused ourselves, telling them we'd call them in the morning. Not only for her sake but for the sake of the other diners who do not need to be in the presence of my violently sick child!

Lazyafternoon · 19/02/2017 21:29

YABU

Why WOULD you expect MIL/ SIL to offer to wash your clothes?! How would it have helped? You'd already been to buy new clothes by the point you saw them hadn't you? Did you spend the day with them at their home? Were you even at their houses for a significant portion of time during the day to give them the opportunity to offer their washing machine? Even so there wouldn't have been time to get washed and dried to wear again that evening anyway?! I'm a bit confused as to why you think they are being unreasonable for not offering if your didn't even think of it yourself at the time?

If I had been your SIL/MIL I would have assumed that as you'd been to buy new clothes and didn't ask you'd got everything under control. I'd only offer if you were at my house for the whole day and it was clear that it was an issue having no clothes to wear. They probably assumed it was just a bit of sick on your shoulder that could be wiped off. If it really was rivers if vomit you were drenched in, then as pretty much everyone else has said carrying on seeing people and going to a restaurant to spread the bug around some more is really odd behaviour! Besides I really would prefer not to have the responsibility of someone elses vomit covered clothing, unless they had nothing else to wear or staying at my house a couple of nights to give time to dry.

SemiNormal · 19/02/2017 21:29

A friend of mine posted on Facebook earlier that her little boy, who has been fighting leukemia for roughly two years (since he was around two years old), has been extremely poorly with rotovirus for 8 days. He's lost half a stone in weight, I'm sure you can imagine how important keeping his weight up when he has a suppressed immune system is?

I know people have said you were being unreasonable to take a sick child to a restaurant but I want to let you know WHY. For a reasonably healthy child a sickness bug usually isn't anything to worry about, for my friends child it can very quickly turn into something more serious.

littledinaco · 19/02/2017 21:29

In that situation you obviously couldn't go home so one of you stays in hotel room with DS, the other one goes out to buy supplies (spare clothes, lots of baby wipes, etc). Then you stay in hotel room looking after DS.
(Warn hotel before you leave that there was D&V so they can be extra careful when cleaning).

CoperCabana · 19/02/2017 21:30

Sorry you have had a shit time. But you know you are a grown up now? Doesn't matter how much your MIL tantrums or you SIL insists. It is your job to do the best thing for your child. And ideally the best thing for wider society. You will miss social occasions because your child is ill. That is how it goes I am afraid.

HecateAntaia · 19/02/2017 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Birdsbeesandtrees · 19/02/2017 21:34

You should have just asked for the use of the washing machine like a normal person.

Do you normally let people walk all over you or is it just your in laws ?

Meffy · 19/02/2017 21:34
  1. If my DC had a vomiting bug I would have not left the hotel and risked them bumming everywhere ....
  2. If I wanted to wash their clothes I would have asked !!!

People have their own lives and they are usually as fought and hectic as yours!

Phoenix76 · 19/02/2017 21:35

Nobody gets to insist anything where the wellbeing of my kids are concerned, you have every right to tell them to back right off.

annabe1 · 19/02/2017 21:35

You took a vomiting child out to a restaurant Hmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread