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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should they have offered to have washed clothes with vomit on?

210 replies

MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 20:16

We went to see the inlaws. For various reasons we don't stay with them however relations are good and they seem to genuinely love DS (age 1).
We didn't stay in their town, but 15 mins away and about 5 mins away from SILs.

DS was horrendously sick when we arrived In our hotel bedroom. Both our clothes and the surrounding area were covered in vomit. So much so we had to buy new clothes as the handwashed ones didn't dry.

We spoke to MIL at various points in the day namely to ensure that we went to the dinner (in a restaurant in the town where we were staying). We did and DS vomitted there too a few times leaving us both drentched in vomit again.

Since coming home I've been thinking it would have been nice if MIL or even SILs had offered to have washed our clothes or even just DS's or even when we saw them this afternoon said something along the lines of " you could have washed your clothes here, we have a washing machine and a dryer". As it was they didn't offer and I didn't ask. It has got me thinking if IABU to at least hope they would offer? FWIW I would have offered.

OP posts:
krustykittens · 19/02/2017 22:18

OP, serious question, are you too scared to say no to your DH and your ILs? Because that is what I am picking up here. I got the feeling from a previous post that you KNEW it was best to stay at the hotel with your son but your fear of an impending tantrum from your MIL overrode this. I would find this quite worrying - perhaps it is time to have a very honest talk with your DH?

Original poster
MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 22:28

Episode of puke number 1 Friday evening.
Episode of puke number 2 Saturday evening.

He looked happy playful cheerful inbetween thats why I went with MIL's/SILs desire to meet. Plus the fact that everyone around me was saying it was ok that kids throw up. I love the assumption here that I had some desperate desire to spread DS germs and make potentionally seriously ill people more ill. For the sake of absolute clarity of course I didn't.

OP posts:
novemberontrumpwatch · 19/02/2017 22:29

If my child was 'horrendously sick' when we arrived to a hotel, presumably a drive away from home, I would have taken them home as soon as possible. Not taken them to a restaurant...

PurpleCrazyHorse · 19/02/2017 22:31

I can understand one random puke at the hotel (maybe after a long tiring journey in a different country with unfamiliar foods etc), but after the second puke in the doorway of the restaurant, I would have gone back to the hotel with the baby and left DH at the meal with his family.

I can understand not upsetting the applecart, hence as a first timer, you might think the puke was a one off, especially if the baby seems totally fine and therefore not want to cancel the restaurant. Multiple vomiting, whether through illness or not, isn't pleasant for other diners.

I would also ask to use their washing machine. If I felt uncomfortable, I'd ask DH to ask his parents. I wouldn't expect them to offer as they might not realise we needed to use it (more clothes packed than needed, hotel laundry etc).

kali110 · 19/02/2017 22:32

You're going to have to learn to say no to your inlaws, even if it upsets the applecart.
Times like these you need to put your child before your inlaws happiness. They are not as important! Keep thinking that.

Crunchymum · 19/02/2017 22:33

How is the child now?

Crunchymum · 19/02/2017 22:34

OK, I see you are home now. How was child after 2nd puking incident.

bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 22:44

Op what did you do about your clothes which were 'drenched in vomit'. I'm assuming you didn't have spares so must have sat there and ate like that!

Lushka · 19/02/2017 23:02

Yabu - sorry but what were you thinking taking him into the restaurant when he'd just thrown up again? Why didn't you go back to the hotel? I'm really confused by your behaviour.

I don't think that saying you don't want to upset MIL is an excuse actually, your priority should be taking care of your poorly baby.

Lushka · 19/02/2017 23:03

bumsex she said she had spare clothes with her as she wasn't sure if he would vomit again.

bumsexatthebingo · 19/02/2017 23:45

I assumed that was for the child but maybe she had a change for herself as well? Bizarre.

user1471545174 · 19/02/2017 23:57

I want to know what country this was, too.

OhSoggyBiscuit · 19/02/2017 23:59

When I was about 4 or 5 my parents took me to a shopping centre, despite me throwing up that morning. They assumed I would be okay. Except I then proceeded to be sick again all over me, the table and the floor in the food court. I was needless to say taken straight home after that.

mygorgeousmilo · 20/02/2017 00:00

user me too! We should take bets. I'm going with Wales. So very far and difficult for the OP

BlueKarou · 20/02/2017 00:06

Why didn't you ask whoever's house you were in after either of the vomiting incidents whether you could use their laundry facilities so you weren't then carting around sicky clothes?

I can understand why you took baby to visit/to the restaurant - my son would vomit profusely if I tried to feed him formula, vomit is a thing that happens sometimes without baby being ill. Fair enough.

Your question in your OP was whether you were BU for expecting someone to offer to do a wash for you. Yes. You were. You should have asked.

PickAChew · 20/02/2017 00:12

If MIL is the tantruming type , then meeting could only happen in her house. She'd soon give up.

PickAChew · 20/02/2017 00:20

I can't believe that for all the MIL bashing threads here no one has ever been in a situation they don't want to be in becuase they don't want to upset the applecart.

Love my MIL but I'm not so keen to please that I'd endanger public health for the sake of not upsetting the cart filled with fruit that gives me indigestion.

KermitRuffinsTrumpet · 20/02/2017 00:40

Again on her insistence.

It's always someone else's daily isn't it, OP?

Stand up for your poor poorly baby. He needs you. Can you remember how wretched you feel when you've got a sickness big? The poor mite. Sad

avamiah · 20/02/2017 01:01

I would of gone home if my child was that sick, never mind the clothes and the restaurant and the MIL .

teresa2003 · 20/02/2017 01:20

What l don't understand is you arrived after a plane journey and your ds was sick all over his clothes and yours and the 'surrounding area' in the room. So you washed those clothes and they went dry. But that's only one set of clothes each? Surely on a visit requiring a plane journey you would have several changes of clothes? One outfit each needs washing shouldn't mean having to go out buy new ones. Or have we stumbled onto the set of the Exorcist and the vomit seeped into the suitcases

teresa2003 · 20/02/2017 01:22

weren't dry

iamanintrovert · 20/02/2017 01:39

It's obvious to me that the op felt pressured by her in laws to make decisions that she didn't feel were in her child's best interest. This is a horrible disempowering situation in which to be. Add to that being a first time parent and outside your home country, I think she did well just to hold it all together. Next time she will make better choices based on her experience.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 20/02/2017 01:39

That is vile, as soon as he puked you should have took him back, it was a restaurant ffs. And in regards to your aibu I wouldn't offer to wash vomit covers clothes either! If one of my own kids vomits on bedding or clothes it goes straight in the bin.

Allthewaves · 20/02/2017 01:44

if you didn't want to ask inlaws for washing machine, could u not have used hotels laundry service?

littleoldladywho · 20/02/2017 01:54

We spent my parents silver wedding anniversary at eurodisney. I got noro virus, as did one of the gc. We stayed in the hotel quarantined and everyone else went out to the celebration dinner (well, bil looked after his kid as I was in no state). They still managed to celebrate without us. Lots of laundry lol. Three days later we had just got on the eurostar and ds started vomiting. We basically had to bag him until we got off at the other end. They kept us well supplied with plastic bags to catch the copious barf.
Another time dd1 was a baby and came down with a sickness bug when we were in a hotel in a different country for a wedding. Copious barf.
Hotels, different countries, it's all mostly irrelevant - you always take at least four outfits more than you could possibly need for little kids, and quarantine in the event of sickness. It's not rocket science, and you will know for next time. You aren't the only family ever to have experienced a sick bug away from home. This is just the first time. Kids always pick up bugs when they travel. It's a joy. Be prepared and all that. Especially if you are flying - take at least a complete change of clothes in your carry on as well. Sod's law says they always barf when your bag is checked and then you get to sit on a plane topless or smelling like sick with everyone around you gagging and complaining to the flight attendant.
The more you do it, the more prepared you will be. Everyone gets caught out once.