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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should they have offered to have washed clothes with vomit on?

210 replies

MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 20:16

We went to see the inlaws. For various reasons we don't stay with them however relations are good and they seem to genuinely love DS (age 1).
We didn't stay in their town, but 15 mins away and about 5 mins away from SILs.

DS was horrendously sick when we arrived In our hotel bedroom. Both our clothes and the surrounding area were covered in vomit. So much so we had to buy new clothes as the handwashed ones didn't dry.

We spoke to MIL at various points in the day namely to ensure that we went to the dinner (in a restaurant in the town where we were staying). We did and DS vomitted there too a few times leaving us both drentched in vomit again.

Since coming home I've been thinking it would have been nice if MIL or even SILs had offered to have washed our clothes or even just DS's or even when we saw them this afternoon said something along the lines of " you could have washed your clothes here, we have a washing machine and a dryer". As it was they didn't offer and I didn't ask. It has got me thinking if IABU to at least hope they would offer? FWIW I would have offered.

OP posts:
Sabsy1 · 19/02/2017 21:39

I find it weird that you went to another country with no spare clothes??? I have a 1 year old too and often go abroad to our holiday home and always take loads of spare clothes for all of us, just in case there's a problem while travelling. I will not get involved whether you should have gone out or not, but with a 1 year old I find it so much easier being in a different environment than a restaurant. At that stage they are crawling/walking/grabbing/screaming.... I really don't find restaurants or any other formal setting appealing with such a young baby. Be stronger with your Mil next time.

PurpleMinionMummy · 19/02/2017 21:41

You were so far away from home you flew there but you had no spare clothes after your baby threw up so you had to buy some?

Your baby drenched you both in sick in the restaurant, yet you stayed long enough for it too happen a few times?

Really?

helensburgh · 19/02/2017 21:43

What country were you in?

OopsDearyMe · 19/02/2017 21:43

Onto answer the OP and not be like others crazy obsessed with your other decision. I am WITH you about offering to wash said clothes, but only had you been staying with them. I would have assumed that you would have used the hotels laundry, and as many on here will also say taken 10x spare clothing changes.

Also to whoever the dick was who went all bloody femme ... Oh why only women doing laundry.. Because she's the mum and its her bloody job fffs!!!

Trainspotting1984 · 19/02/2017 21:44

Slightly beside the point but I am still Shock. At this:

" Someone attended my sons christening within the 48 hours of having a stomach bug. Out of 140 guests 86 of them ended up with it"

How do you know one person infected them? Did someone go around licking people's faces or something??!

OP -children don't only puke from vomiting bugs, in fact they very regularly don't have a bug when they puke so I can see why you ended up in your situation.
I doubt you were drenched, which conjures up that scene from bridesmaids, but the in laws shouldve offered to help. Mine would've and they're not even very helpful

diddl · 19/02/2017 21:44

I might also have gone to the restaurant if the initial puking seemed to be a one off.

Although if it was as bad as you say, probably not.

How long were you there for & how long was it before you were due to come home?

I can't imagine letting people travel with damp possibly vomit smelling clothes.

No laundry service at the hotel?

Original poster
MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 21:49

Re the purchase of new clothes. I had taken sufficient changes of clothes for a NORMAL stay with me. The clothes that we had hand washed were still wet/damp and I didn't know if he would stop vomitting or continue so it seemed sensible to buy more.

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 19/02/2017 21:50

Is this a joke?! YABVVVU
you are unreasonable in the first instance, for going away with not enough clothing, so that when your DS vomited the first time, you had to dramatically go out and buy new things. I wouldn't transport sick covered clothing ANYWHERE. If you're all drenched in sick I'd literally have chucked it in the hotel shower, done my best and either binned it or brought it home to hot wash. You should have just asked them if you wanted to use their machine, but why would they want the bugs? Secondly, nobody is suggesting you go 'home' when you're in another country, they mean the hotel - obviously! You should have put your child first, and not been so fucking disgusting as to take a vomit drenched baby for a sit-down meal. You said drenched, they're your words. He then proceeded to violently vomit again. In a restaurant where people are eating. I couldn't care less if your MIL would have been pissed off, no way would I or most other people have gone into a restaurant and sat down to eat after a baby had been violently sick. You and your DH are pathetic if you can't put your own baby before his mum. Then you end up at SIL's?! It gets worse!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 19/02/2017 21:50

Stop letting other people insist what you do. Man up and say "no sorry, my child is ill, we ARE going back to the hotel" then go. You don't ask, you tell them. Cannot believe you have put so many other people at risk because you can't say no to your ILs.

m0therofdragons · 19/02/2017 21:55

I would have called and said we couldn't make the meal and asked sil if I or dh could pop over and use her washing machine. Simple.

My db turned up with a bag of sick filled clothes after my nephew was car sick. I showed them where the sink was to rinse and said for them to put the clothes in the washing machine then I put it on as I know the settings. I love my nephew and db/dsil and have 3dc myself but don't want to deal with their dc's sick. Why you thought it was okay to take a sick dc to a restaurant is baffling. Often dc are only sick once but the 48 hour rule applies unless you know the cause (e.g. Dn always being car sick).

Pollaidh · 19/02/2017 21:56

This has to be a joke. You took a projectile vomiting child out into a restaurant? And stayed whilst the child vomited? You do realise bugs like norovirus are (1) highly contagious and (2) dangerous for babies, the immunocompromised, elderly, etc... There's a 48 hour post-vomit rule at schools and nurseries for a reason.

Original poster
MrsSnow · 19/02/2017 21:57

Lots of "I can't believes here".
I can't believe a lot of people aren't actually reading the responses.
I can't belive that people haven't been a first time parent and made mistakes.
I can't believe that for all the MIL bashing threads here no one has ever been in a situation they don't want to be in becuase they don't want to upset the applecart.

OP posts:
Trainspotting1984 · 19/02/2017 21:59

It's just easy for people to criticise online OP

littledinaco · 19/02/2017 22:03

Yes, we all make mistakes as parents but usually once we realise we've made a mistake we fix it. You made a mistake taking your DS to the restaurant but as soon as you realised the mistake (he was sick in the entrance) you should have fixed it by going back to the hotel.

Yes, a lot of people are pressured into a situation they don't want to be in but most would tend to put their children first, so would rather have an upset MIL than make their very sick baby go out to a restaurant.

SailAwayWithMeHoney · 19/02/2017 22:03

I think people are reading the responses. But that your responses don't explain why you'd put your mils wants above the welfare of your child Confused

Pollaidh · 19/02/2017 22:05

I've read the responses. I'm still gobsmacked. Common sense?

JayneAusten · 19/02/2017 22:07

But... even first time parents have usually had vomiting bugs themselves. Surely they know how it feels (horrible) and how to treat it (rest at home, plenty of fluids) and what not to do (go near people till it's done). This isn't a first time parent thing at all. It's plain common sense.

One of the big things about being a parent is that you have to put the needs of your child first - often ahead of your own and DEFINITELY ahead of the tantrums of a mother in law. There really isn't a good excuse for what happened.

Unihorn · 19/02/2017 22:08

YWBVU to take a sick child to a restaurant. I think you may know that now...

However to answer your actual post, yes I think it's odd that noone offered as my parents always do if my baby is sick/nappy leaks at their house, or if we're out. I know from this thread now that not everyone's family would though.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/02/2017 22:09

So, to quote my lovely mum when things like this would happen;

"And what have you learnt from this experience, dear?"

mygorgeousmilo · 19/02/2017 22:11

Well OP there's only one thing for it, accept that YABU. Stop trying to turn it around into ohhhh everyone's being so judgey. All parents were first timers at one stage, and you are being plainly told that you showed a serious lack of good judgement. Vomiting in the doorway (drenched as you say) and you STILL go in??!!!

Screwinthetuna · 19/02/2017 22:12

They probably didn't want to catch the vomiting bug...

littledinaco · 19/02/2017 22:13

A friend of mine posted on Facebook earlier that her little boy, who has been fighting leukemia for roughly two years (since he was around two years old), has been extremely poorly with rotovirus for 8 days. He's lost half a stone in weight, I'm sure you can imagine how important keeping his weight up when he has a suppressed immune system is?

I know people have said you were being unreasonable to take a sick child to a restaurant but I want to let you know WHY. For a reasonably healthy child a sickness bug usually isn't anything to worry about, for my friends child it can very quickly turn into something more serious.

I think it's situations like this, posted above that make people feed so shocked that someone would do this to avoid 'upsetting the apple cart'.
OP, can you not see what you did was completely wrong - both to your DS and other people in the restaurant?

GarrulousGrimoire · 19/02/2017 22:13

As a 3rd time parent I'll say a lot of people if one your age threw up just the once they wouldn't be staying indoors/off work for 48hrs. Babies do indeed puke once and randomly and not to be repeated.

You did cock up going in on the 2nd puke though, you are going to need to learn to say no fuck off more importantly your DH does its HIS mother.

Joanna0685 · 19/02/2017 22:14

You took a vomiting child to a restaurant? A few times??? Sorry but that is completely selfish, you prob ruined your neighbours meals, infected them, and I bet you left something for the poor staff to clean up and infected them. Oh dear RE the clothes bag them up and take them home and wash them if they are that precious.

Joanna0685 · 19/02/2017 22:18

'and I didn't know if he would stop vomitting or continue so it seemed sensible to buy more.'

so why on earth did you go to a restaraunt