To ask for your best-bad jokes

[Maryhadalittlelambstew]

Not an aibu really but it's midnight and I can't sleep!

Please give us all a laugh and share your best/worst jokes or even chat up lines.

My DD aged 13 has been telling this joke for years..."what did the ghost say to the bee?....Boo-bee"!

My guilty favourite one liner..."I went to the zoo the other day, it was awful. Absolute rubbish. They only had one animal, a dog...it was a shit-zhou"!

Oops bold fail!

A bear goes into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a ...................... pint of beer please".
Barman replies "Why the big pause?"

What do you get if you cross a cantaloupe with Lassie?
A mellon-collie baby!

A man walks into a bar.
He said - Ouch.

What do you call a crate of ducks?
A box of quackers!

What do you call a man with a 2inch dick? Justin!

What's worse than a pixie in your pocket? A brownie in your pants!

Knock knock.

Who's there ??

A dunnop.

A dunnop who ??

Ewwww, you don't poo on the doorstep 😑

Best. Joke. Ever !!!!

Knock knock
Who's there
Interrupting cow
Interrupting cow moooo

How do you circumsize a whale?
4 skin divers

Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she'll let it go

Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
Because he had no body to go with

Probably already posted, haven't read back.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
No, you're a Poo!

Middle aged lady selling her boot she wanted to downsize

What do misers do when it’s cold...

Sit round a candle.

What do misers do when it’s freezing....

Light it.

What's the name of the toughest bird in the sky?
Steven Seagull

OK, this is nearly three months old, but it's bothering the life out of me that no-one corrected the spoon joke on the first page. Obviously it's supposed to be "stop stirring". "Staring" makes even less sense than these jokes are supposed to.

p.s. Now I have your attention:
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Lie down on the couch, please.
Patient: I'm not allowed on the couch!

Oh, and the good old chestnut (by the ever great Tommy Cooper I believe):
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love, decide to get married. The ceremony was a bit rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

The first joke ds learned
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonky
And dd first...
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef

I know this is a zombie but we all need a terrible joke from time to time.

I'm having terrible problems with my laptop. Every time I switch it on, it sings Hello from the other side.

It's a Dell.