To ask for your best-bad jokes

[Maryhadalittlelambstew]

Not an aibu really but it's midnight and I can't sleep!

Please give us all a laugh and share your best/worst jokes or even chat up lines.

My DD aged 13 has been telling this joke for years..."what did the ghost say to the bee?....Boo-bee"!

My guilty favourite one liner..."I went to the zoo the other day, it was awful. Absolute rubbish. They only had one animal, a dog...it was a shit-zhou"!

Some of these are great. My contribution via DS

Knock knock
Who's there?
Britney Spears

Knock knock
Who's there?
Whoops I did it again

There's just no getting over this.
A 90 ft wall. .

Not sure if this has been said already:

What's the best cheese to hid a horse?

Mascarpone

Guess I saw today. Everyone I looked at.

What is a pirate's favourite letter of the Alphabet?

If you answered "R", you're wrong - a pirate's true love is always the "C".

What did the policeman say to the belly button?

You're under a vest

Which my baby brother used to laugh so hard at he would fall over (being very small)

All wonderfully cheesy. My DC are cracking up!

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

A stern rebuke from the research ethics council, and all your funding stopped

My favourite one of the jokes by kids:

Who is the old man who have six eyes?

It is you.

That (and others) had me crying with laughter at a family party last Christmas. They really should not be funny but they are the funniest thing ever.

Why don't worms have balls?

-They can't dance

What's small, grey and squirts jam at you? - a mouse eating a doughnut

What's small grey and dangerous to know? - a mouse with a machine gun

Two goldfish in a tank - one turns to the other and says - you drive, I'll man the turret.

@ferretygubbins where the hell did you hear that one?!

Doctor, doctor i need a new butt....this ones got a crack in it!!

That's awful @ferrety and not remotely funny

Sorry - I sometimes don't realise how much people love frogs

Why did the submarine blush?

Because he saw Queen Elizabeth's bottom!

DS loved this one in the supermarket today. (Must be told out loud).

What happens when you step on a grape?

It lets out a little whine.

What do hillbillies do at Halloween?

Pumpkin

ohnoitisnt love that one

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

"Selfie is what my husband used to do in the old days"

These are cringe making but you did ask

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the ocean?

Bob

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?

Eileen I lean

How do you get two whales in a mini?

Down the m4 and over the severn bridge...