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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for your best-bad jokes

188 replies

Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:11

Not an aibu really but it's midnight and I can't sleep!

Please give us all a laugh and share your best/worst jokes or even chat up lines.

My DD aged 13 has been telling this joke for years..."what did the ghost say to the bee?....Boo-bee"!

My guilty favourite one liner..."I went to the zoo the other day, it was awful. Absolute rubbish. They only had one animal, a dog...it was a shit-zhou"!

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ACatastrophicMisintepretation · 18/02/2017 00:33

Mary I've nothing to add to this except that I was in paperchase just the other day and saw this card which upon reading your post sounds PERFECT for your son!
www.paperchase.co.uk/boo-bees-card.html

dodobedoop · 18/02/2017 00:34

How do you know there's an elephant under your bed?

Your nose is touching the ceiling!!

First joke my Dad told me, Grin

greenmidgetgems · 18/02/2017 00:34

2 parrots sitting on a perch. One says to the other:

Do you smell fish?

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:34

Ha! Brilliant. I love that hardly and if these make sense. @Bahh...what?! Just what!

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Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:36

Dr Dr I feel like a pack of cards....I'll deal with you later Blush

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ACatastrophicMisintepretation · 18/02/2017 00:37

Apologies Mary, your daughter!

PrancingQueen · 18/02/2017 00:37

What did the cheese say when he looked in the mirror?

Halloumi

SparklyBusinessFuckingFairyNo1 · 18/02/2017 00:37

What's green and smells? kermits bum

Bahh · 18/02/2017 00:37

Doctor I have a strawberry stuck in my ear
Have some cream

IrregularCommentary · 18/02/2017 00:38

How should you approach a Welsh cheese?

Caerphilly.

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:38

Dr Dr I'm seeing insects everywhere...don't worry it's just that bug going around

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Bahh · 18/02/2017 00:38

What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you?
Nacho cheese

Hey you look sad are you okay?
I don't wanna taco 'bout it

What does a Mexican carpet fitter sing as he works?
Underlay underlay!

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:39

No problem @AC

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Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:39

I looove the nacho cheese one!

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Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:40

Dr Dr Everyone thinks I'm a liar...i don't believe you!

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PageStillNotFound404 · 18/02/2017 00:41

Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much cop but the reception was excellent.

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:42

Ha'

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PageStillNotFound404 · 18/02/2017 00:43

Why don't you ever see hippopotami hiding in trees?

Because they're really good at it.

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:44

What do you call it when batman skips church?

Christian bale.

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PageStillNotFound404 · 18/02/2017 00:44

What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods?

Camembert.

PinkShampagney · 18/02/2017 00:45

What kind of cheese do you use to attract a bear?
Camembert.

What kind of cheese do you need to hide a horse?

Mascapone

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:45

Why don't they play polka (sp?!) in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

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PageStillNotFound404 · 18/02/2017 00:46

Ooh, spooky Pink!

Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:47

Why was the little mermaid wearing sea shells?

She grew out of her b shells.

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Original poster
Maryhadalittlelambstew · 18/02/2017 00:49

My son would love this one...

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it...

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