To ask for your best-bad jokes

[Maryhadalittlelambstew]

Not an aibu really but it's midnight and I can't sleep!

Please give us all a laugh and share your best/worst jokes or even chat up lines.

My DD aged 13 has been telling this joke for years..."what did the ghost say to the bee?....Boo-bee"!

My guilty favourite one liner..."I went to the zoo the other day, it was awful. Absolute rubbish. They only had one animal, a dog...it was a shit-zhou"!

All of these are either great or tragically cheesily fab!

Love reading jokes by kids, still make me laugh every time.

@BorrowedHeart going to have a read of Thad!!

*that

What do you say to a legless dog?

Draggies!

Two sausages in a frying pan.
One says: "Oh my god, it's so hot in here"
The other one says"Oh my god, a talking sausage!"

Where did the computer go to dance? A disc-o

What do you call a cheese factory in Israel?

Cheeses of Nazareth.

What did the triangle say to the circle? You're pointless.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling well.

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila!

Why doesn't the oyster have any friends?

Because he's shellfish.

Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep? Because of his coffin.

How do you make a bear cross?
Nail 2 together!

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.

Why do you never see elephants in cherry trees?
Cos it works

Why shouldnt you go into the jungle at 4pm?
Cos thats when the elephants all jump down from the trees.....

I thank you!

What's green and hairy and goes up and down?
A gooseberry in a lift

Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.

What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.

What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

The bear cross joke made me genuinely LOL!

Im leaving in that job in the candle shop. It gets on my wick.
I'd also leave my job in the bakers, but I need the dough.

Hello can I speak to Mr Wall, please.
I'm sorry, but. You've got the wrong number. There's no one by that name, here
Can I speak to Mrs Wall please.
I've told you. There are no Walls here.
May I ask, then. What's holding up your house.

Now this one is for us oldies who remember pre Snickers!

Did you hear about the guy who entered a marathon?
He got a peanut stuck under his foreskin

I saw an advert in a shop window that said “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Full”.

I thought “I can’t turn that down”.

What's black and dangerous and flies through the jungle?

A crow with a machine gun

Why does Edward Woodward have 4 D's in his name?

Because otherwise he'd be Ewar Woowar!
(Pronounced Ee-wah Woo-wah)

Why does Bugs Bunny have big ears?
Because he's a rabbit