To be so fed up with dp's exw shennanigans

[Mrskeats]

I am really requiring a vent.
My fiancee and his ex split up 2 years ago after living kind of separate lives are are divorced.
We are getting married this year and live together in my house (I regard its as ours now) All good relationship between us etc is all great.
However there are major problems with his ex. She still has not taken his name off bills and has not closed their old joint account despite being advised to repeatedly by the mediator they had and her solicitors.
This has been going on since they split and has now culminated in the tax credits office stopping her payments. She did receive a letter asking for conformation that they have split which she sent back with the number of her solicitor. As if tax credits will phone solicitors and anyway surely divorce info is confidential?
Anyway today she is hassling my dp to pay her more money!!
He pays her 1900 a month in child support and alimony as it is.
She uses guilt tactics suggesting her kids will starve etc and uses them against him. He is quite an anxious person and it really stresses him out.
AIBU to think this is her problem for not doing what she should have? Clearly tax credits have a duty to check this out after all this time

On other threads people always claim they get nothing from their ex.
They told him exactly what to send i.e. The absolute, consent order etc so they know they have split
Obviously they won't share income details
The ex gave permission
I wish people would stop telling me that things that happened did.

Not happen

Titainias the ex wife has MS I think this somewhat alters the situation.

He pays her 40 per cent of his net salary
But then I am sure that's nothing

We don't know her diagnosis

Oh and he pays a couple of hundred for activities

I think people are just pointing out you only hear what your DP wants you to hear OP.

I get money from my Ex. Always have done. Nothing like your figure, but comparitively to his salary, a huge chunk. Which considering I am in a better financial position than he is, means I do nod my hat in respect to him, as I know he struggles sometimes, but barely ever misses a payment (and always catches up if he does)

I CAnt see anything generous in support his own DC post 18 especially if they are used to his support and the lifestyle his income brought. And it also sounds like they are at uni.

Would you prefer it if all you DP income was now lavished on you and your DC?

My DH is a high wage earner my DC are used to a certain style of living. If we split yes I'd be in a better position the the exw in this story but my lifestyle would change as I have a regular job and income. I wouldn't expect my uni DC to have a change as DH is paying what they are due and more.

To start with OP I thought you had a point the more you type the more grabby you sound

Blimey projection much!

Does she have me or ms? You said me up thread me but everyone else is saying ms

I get £450/m from exh who earns £55k

Grabby
Lol
I pay all my own bills and support my kids

If the financial arrangement was made through mediation then presumably your dp agreed with it.

Re the joint account maybe banks have different rules. I have recently tried to close an HSBC account but it requires both parties putting it in writing.

We don't know she's having more tests

He did agree obviously
My thread was about her asking for an extra 750 for her mistake
It everyone is so busy basing me to see that

Mrskeats - she was a SAHM, who by the sounds of things had a traditional male provider marriage.
Her DP leaves and she suddenly has to do it all herself. Now for many of us that is fine but if your DP has spent the last 25 yrs "looking" after her this is the bombshell from hell. Plus she has a debilitating illness.

My Ex left I got on with it, it took 3 yrs to get his name off all the bills etc, not through lack of effort but every sodding company had a different rule, evidence etc and I missed one bill out - much to my cost. - not his. Working your way through tax credits, benefits, legal stuff etc is horrendous and for someone who has obviously enjoyed a v high standard of living probably she feels demeaning.

For what ever reason, you resent this woman and how much your DP has to pay her and their children. He chooses to pay the one at Uni - that has nothing to do with her- his choice, respect him for it.

She forgot for whatever reason, human error - implications probably not understood. Give the woman a break -you sound resentful, angry and need to keep your head out of the whole situation.

Yes six letters is not human error
Nor is ringing us at 7 to ask (demand) extra money
I'm angry that all of you think you have it all sorted. There are loads of things she's done that are awful. She told my dp that their son was missing once. He wasn't
But carry on you are all having a lovely time.
There is no point to this site. It's basically women basing women.
My dp is a good man trying to help his ex.
You can carry on your vitriol without me
I feel much worse even though it looks like he's spent ages on the phone sorting it. So that she's ok and the kids are.
I won't be back on this site

Tell you what. Its not the Op who sounds angry and resentful on this discussion.

No of course she shouldn't ask for an extra 750. But nor should anyone partner ever be responsible for another human in perpetuity. You need to be careful with your housing situation. Is the order a joint lives order? If her "needs" as she sees it become greater she can apply to vary the order. If he at that point lives with you then his "needs" will be lessened and he may be ordered to pay her more. There also is no primacy in wives. Meaning your needs as his current family in no way outweigh the needs of his ex. It basically means he's financially polygamous. Ain't that grand? DHs ex has multiple advanced degrees and is able bodied. We are still stuck with her forever more or rather until she dies or remarries (fat chance!). I'm sorry. None of this is nice to hear. But you either make your peace with having your financial situation always be up in the air or you move to a country without reciprocity. Those really are the only two options. You have my sympathy. It's infuriating.

Disgusting attitude. Poor lady has got a terrible illness, children moving away from home, divorce all at the same time! Have some empathy, I wouldn't want to fill out forms either. Maybe she is too unwell and depressed to sort it out with no help.

Being a SAHM is a very valuable role and she should be duly compensated, so I don't think the payment is excessive. I think you sound very naive op if you think they were living separate lives etc. that's the oldest trick in the book! Two years is shockingly fast to be getting remarried. It sounds like your fiancé is hardly a catch

And what exactly is the appropriate period of mourning over a first marriage?

Are you with a " catch" Araminta? No I expect you are.

How well done to you. You are so rude.

And you shock easily ffs. What's with this 2 years judgement? Who says?! Each to their fucking own.

Mrskeats- I know two ex wives who get much more than £2000 a month plus extras. Does you partner pay that much because he is a high income earner?

Using OP's figures (40% of OH's income) & assuming it's based on his net income her OH earns around £72,000 pa however whether or not that's considered a high earner would depend on other things such as profession, area etc

Op

I feel sorry for you! You came to ask if it was ok to be fed up that the ex hadn't removed your dps name from bills and yes you are right to be bloody fed up!

People here are deciding you are moving to quick blah blah the only mistake you made was posting at all!!

It's way more than 72k!