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AIBU?

To be so fed up with dp's exw shennanigans

263 replies

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 16:33

I am really requiring a vent.
My fiancee and his ex split up 2 years ago after living kind of separate lives are are divorced.
We are getting married this year and live together in my house (I regard its as ours now) All good relationship between us etc is all great.
However there are major problems with his ex. She still has not taken his name off bills and has not closed their old joint account despite being advised to repeatedly by the mediator they had and her solicitors.
This has been going on since they split and has now culminated in the tax credits office stopping her payments. She did receive a letter asking for conformation that they have split which she sent back with the number of her solicitor. As if tax credits will phone solicitors and anyway surely divorce info is confidential?
Anyway today she is hassling my dp to pay her more money!!
He pays her 1900 a month in child support and alimony as it is.
She uses guilt tactics suggesting her kids will starve etc and uses them against him. He is quite an anxious person and it really stresses him out.
AIBU to think this is her problem for not doing what she should have? Clearly tax credits have a duty to check this out after all this time

OP posts:

Report

ladylambkin · 17/02/2017 17:20

He is the issue here not her

Graphista · 17/02/2017 17:20

Well yes-they had kind of lived in the same house but separate for years.

Sure they did

My Ex also told his OW the exact same! Again, not true.

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:20

It's not sour grapes. I am just frustrated as she is reducing her income by not providing information she was asked for. Last July

OP posts:

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:21

Think what you like Graphista
You don't know us.

OP posts:

CallMeMaybe · 17/02/2017 17:22

Assuming that the money wasn't something he sprung on you as a surprise some time into your relationship, you knew full well what you were getting into before you got to the point of engagement and marriage, and that arrangement is between them and none of your business. Neither is the joint account, and for reference, I have a joint account with an online bank as well and it cannot be changed without say-so from both parties.

My ex has one like you. He pays me a decent level of maintenance etc and yet she makes constant comments about how I take "our money," every month, even though they're not married, and she knew the score before they moved in together.

Given your insistence about saying how they lived together but separate lives etc I'm guessing however that you were the OW and that this is your justification for having been the reason for their divorce, and now you want a cleaner break before he becomes yours.

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:22

I don't care about what happened years ago anyway.
I was merely asking about a tax credits problem really.

OP posts:

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:24

It will be family money
It's everything to do with me
Why has she wilfully not done what she was asked by her own solicitor?
The mediator also wrote to her as its part of the process to separate everything. Not sure how that is dp's fault.
He paid for her fees too as well

OP posts:

alleypalley · 17/02/2017 17:24

Are you even entitled to tax credits if your income is 4k net per month?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 17/02/2017 17:25

Regarding the joint account thing - I had huge issues with this following my hellish divorce. Despite the balance being 0, they wouldn't let me remove myself from the account without him being with me in person (quite tricky with a restraining order!). But they did let me close it completely on my own, without any need for his approval.
Make of that what you will.

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:25

I was not OW. Thanks for the assumption though.

OP posts:

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:26

Yes cos maintenance doesn't count as income.
I suppose I'm not allowed an opinion on that either.
Her parents are millionaires too btw.

OP posts:

Graphista · 17/02/2017 17:27

Callmemaybe - note - no denial of being ow

'You don't know us'

No I don't, but at only a few years older than you I'm not only the exw in a similar situation I've also seen several friends go through this (from both sides).

Graphista · 17/02/2017 17:29

Her parents are absolutely NOTHING to do with this! And their money CERTAINLY isn't'

The maintenance he pays her (spousal and child) is also NOTHING to do with you. The money he brings to your relationship AFTER that's deducted is for the two of you to discuss.

WorraLiberty · 17/02/2017 17:29

Wait a minute, you've had a 'vent' about his ex before haven't you?

And in your haste to tell us all about how little work she does

You've forgotten to mention the poor woman has MS!

Slightly relevant don't you think?

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:30

I just did deny it
Keep up

OP posts:

EightiethElement · 17/02/2017 17:30

If she's getting 4k a month where is the other 2,100 coming from, is she earning, therefore, working? is she paying the mortgage and funding keeping a car on the road out of that?

BubbleBed · 17/02/2017 17:30

Maintenance doesn't count as income, because at the drop of a hat the man (often influenced by a new woman) often stops it.

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:30

That's in dispute now
The poor woman. You don't know her. Or us.

OP posts:

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/02/2017 17:30

If they are asking her to show proof that she is seperated then she is in the middle of a compliance check.

She will not be able to make changes to her tax credits until they compleate their checks.
And if they are doing a compliance check based on her relationship status and asking her to prove she is single then it means she has already told them this.

She cannot dictate the speed of the investigation that is purely on their own timetable and that timetable for lone parent claiments has a shocking backlog at the moment

Graphista · 17/02/2017 17:31

I posted before you write that

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:31

He actually paid 2800 up to last summer while she got benefits sorted

OP posts:

EightiethElement · 17/02/2017 17:31

Ah. So this Prince left his wife. She has MS and he's found lurve with a new younger (?) partner.

He'll cut himself he's so sharp.

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BubbleBed · 17/02/2017 17:32

And £2100 a month is way over the benefit cap isn't it? Which if she's not working she would be liable to follow.

Unless of course she, or a child, is disabled. Which is a different matter.

TheFormidableMrsC · 17/02/2017 17:32

May I just point out, that it is ONLY child maintenance that is NOT taken into account in terms of benefit income. Spousal maintenance will reduce benefits pound for pound. She may not even be entitled to them due to the spousal maintenance she receives. You sound charming OP.

Mrskeats · 17/02/2017 17:32

She was asked by them to send evidence six months ago
They stopped them as she didn't respond then reaponded with contact my solicitor
They have a job to do

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