To hate school for backing me into a corner

[Becks84]

My six year old ds has Sen and is currently in year one at school. Since he started back last septemeber it's been hell. His year one teacher was horrible and made no attempt to try and understand his needs and she was very abrupt telling me his diagnosis doesn't excuse how he behaves. Come October we were called in to see the head who told us they wanted our ds to go back into reception temporarily. We reluctantly agreed just to see if things would improve but they didn't and he had multiple exclusions. He went back after Christmas and again we were called in to see the head who told us they wanted him to go on a reduced timetable. We told her that we didn't agree with it and she told us straight that if we didn't agreed we'd have to find our ds another school!

So he's been on this reduced timetable for five weeks now and things still aren't improving at school and have actually got worse at home. I do not want him at the school anymore and have been to view a couple others but as the local authority have agreed to assess for an EHCP moving him isn't an option right now. But I'll be blunt. This reduced timetable is fucking killing me! Not only is it affecting my ds as he doesn't understand why he's being sent home every lunchtime it's also killing me.

My dh works full time on shifts and I'm at home currently as I had to quit my job. Without wanting to come across as a selfish cow, I need that time when my ds is at school to recharge my batteries. We are currently trying to decorate the house after having plastering done due to ds destroying the house but we can't get anything done as by the time I've dropped him at school, done a bit of food shopping and errands it's like 11.30 and I need to go back for him at 12.00. Plus I signed up to a couple of courses (parenting, neurodevlopmental, sensory problems etc) and I'm now having to mither family memebers to have my ds as my dh is working so can't. I rarely rely on family to help, because my side of the family don't really do babysitting and although my husband's family will help out we only usually ask them twice a year for mine and dh's birthdays so that we can go out for a few hours. I've always paid for nursery and out of school care myself when I was working and the whole point of being at home is that I don't have to rely on people to help, as I hate asking.

I'm absolutely exhausted and whilst I know really it's all about my son and how he's coping but if I'm not coping and feeling tired all the time I can't really help him can I. I feel as though I'm back at the nursery stage having him there a couple of hours and having to rush round to get things done before I have to go back for him. But I've been there done that and didn't wish to go back to it.

School know I don't work so are absolutely taking the piss just assuming I won't mind picking my son up at lunchtimes, but i do. Not because I'm this mean mum who would rather lunch with friends than look after my own child, but because one, he is entitled to a full time education, and two, why do they have the right to back me into a corner and not give me a say in what happens to my son. Aibu here?

By no-one uses violent - I mean amongst the people who know what they are doing, who have been trained. Newbie off the street might, mainstream school teacher might, but that's because they know nothing about physical behaviours.

FFS! How many more times? We know the violent behaviour isn't deliberate.

I have been trained as have the many, many teachers I've worked with in Special Ed. I can't think of a single one who would blanche at the use of the word violent when used to describe behaviour causing injury when discussing it in the staffroom. They've all been trained as well. But we don't use it in front of parents. Why do you find that so hard to understand?

I get that you don't like it but that doesn't mean is doesn't happen.

It's important that TAs and teachers know exactly what they may be dealing with in the classroom with a particular child. "Distressed" doesn't begin to describe some circumstances.

You really need to concern yourself more with the behaviour and less with the vocabulary, frankly.

Gone now, I can only bang my head against the desk so many times when dealing with people who don't want to hear.

Hi there, legally they can only use a part time timetable for half a term and not as a punishment but as a stop gap whilst working iyt how to support your child back into full time. In all honesty it sounds like he isn't in the right school if they aren't prepared to make school a safe and positive place with support for his needs x

I work with staff - and no they do not use violent.

We find that attitude is important in understand.

'You need to concern yourself with the behaviour and less with the vocabularly' just shows a complete lack of understanding.

I am very concerned by the behaviour - and find it is far better managed by staff teams who understand that it is distressed behaviour and wouldn't dream of using the term violent - even when alone. Thise staff golet hurt less as well.

If you genuinely cannot understand this I would be asking your SLT about better training.

Using the word violent doesn't tell those working with the child exactly what they are dealing with. Even used in a 'non-judgemental' way it is not useful because it doesn't give enough information.

Surely if a child is known to have physical behaviour towards others you need to know the triggers, what form the behaviour is likely to take and exactly what to do when it happens. Virtually every child at my son's school may have what you call violent behaviour so just saying they might be violent is meaningless.

But January you are assuming someone would say a child was distressed and not elaborate further. It's perfectly possible to be specific and also accurate in the language you use.

Hi. Let me just reply to Kingpin first. I am fighting tooth and nail to get my ds the best education possible. I rushed to get documents prepared to fight for his EHCP at mediation because school cocked it up (I was really worried about this) before the LA unexpectedly changed their minds. We had a meeting last week at school (were it felt like it was me and my dh against the head of Sen, behaviour improvement team and inclusion) were I very clearly stated things were not working, my ds was suffering and that I felt school could not cope. I was rudely interrupted by this horrible woman from education who told me that school are doing their aboalute best and that they will not be taking my ds back full time. Yet when I challenged the Senco and asked him straight out if he felt the school can meet my ds's needs he was adamant they can.

I don't want my ds at school primarily so I can get a break, I mean yes I need one as I'm exhausted. I want him there because I really don't see how part time hours are helping and I feel that especially now the EHCP process has started he needs to be there full time in order for them to get a true picture of his needs. I could move him to another school almost immediately as I've already viewed two that seem good on paper but how do I know we won't be in a similar position a few weeks down the line. My ds would benefit from specialist school but he won't get that without and EHCP and if I move him mid way through the LA won't make it easy. It's not a case of me wanting to palm him off. Not at all.

If the school are refusing to have him full time, ask what arrangements will be put in place for him to receive his entitlement of 25 hours while he is excluded in the afternoons.

The authority has to have '6 day plus' provision in place for students who have been excluded for six days or more. This is usually the PRU, but can also be other mainstream schools. This can be accessed by children without EHCPs. If the school are 'doing their absolute best' and cannot have him in school full time, then their absolute best is not meeting legal requirements. 25 hours per week is non negotiable- if he cannot receive this at school, then the time must be made up with other provision, be it afternoons in the PRU, accessing 6 day plus provision or home tuition funded by the LA (not the SEN dept.).

Don't assume that the views of the SEN woman represent the views of the LA- the departments within the education team are often at odds with one another, and can hold each other to account. Contact the LA admissions and exclusions team (again, PM me if you would like me to look at contacts or provision) and ask how your son will be accessing his 25 hours given that you have been told that this will not be happening at school.

All of the above applies to children without EHCPs, and can be put in place whilst an EHCP assessment is undertaken.

He's getting his ehcp though, that's agreed now and they are saying don't move him till it's done as he may need to go to a specialist school and moving him twice will be detrimental. So really it's a matter of time. Hard time I grant you.

The child was full time 1:1 and had many exclusions, so they moved him to reduced. They have one teaching assistant capable of this and she splits her time between two children. Op, is there a concern from the varying teams that your child can't cope full time, as they were providing it before but he had multiple exclusions when faced with doing full days and that's why they don't want to go back to full time at this stage?

As it stands, as hard as it sounds, it does seem like this will be resolved and he will be in the right school for him by September latest.💐

They've agreed to assess which doesn't necessarily mean they will issue an EHCP. Bearing in mind that they initially refused to assess, there's no guarantees.

Every child is entitled to 25 hours of education, no matter how challenging their behaviour. Undergoing assessment for an EHCP or the school's TA capacity have no bearing on this. If the school cannot deliver the 25 hours, then other provision needs to be put in place, regardless of the child's SEN needs.

If it looks likely that he will get an EHCP and that a special school will be named, a (full time) assessment place at the special school can be requested whilst the assessment is taking place.

"The child was full time 1:1 and had many exclusions, so they moved him to reduced."

You cannot move a child on to a reduced timetable for these reasons- it should only be as part of a reintegration plan. What the school have done is to exclude him for part of the day under the misapprehension that this is legal. It isn't, as there is no plan in place to move him back to full time.

This part time timetable is in place as the school cannot cope. It is not in the child's best interests to be at home for part of the day and to wait any longer for full time provision is unacceptable. If the school cannot meet legal requirements, thenthe LA needs to step in to ensure that they are met and arrange provision for the time he is not in school.

Is the school an academy or maintained school?

The school is a maintained catholic primary. The problem we have is that we live in one LA but my ds goes to school a couple of miles down the road in another LA. I've been told that as my ds isn't causing any trouble for the LA we live in (all professionals ie Behaviour improvement, Inclusion, Education etc have come from the LA the school is in not where we live) they're not too concerned. The LA we live in are of course the ones who have provided the top up funding but I feel they've done this reluctantly. Education were I live won't deal with me because his school is in the other LA and education from the school's LA are involved but they are on school's side and don't think they're doing anything wrong.

The reason I was told for the reduced timetable was that my son can't cor with a full day in year one. Also that he's on the verge of permananent and him being on part time hours will apparently reduce the risk of this happening.

As your son has not been permanently excluded, the school has the responsibility for providing a full time education. Since they are unable to do this, they must arrange Alternative Provision for the time he is not in school, and their LA should support them to do this. How would you feel about him attending the PRU for the afternoons? This is what should be happening in the short term, whatever the long term plan is.

If your son were to be permanently excluded, your home LA would have the responsibility to find suitable full time education for him.

All SEN funding and EHCP assessment and maintenance is the responsibility of your home LA, and will remain so as long as you live there, no matter where he goes to school.

Even a child who cannot cope with full days at school (and it seems clear that it is the school which cannot cope, as they are unable to put in the correct support) is entitled to 25 hours of education.

Perversely, a permanent exclusion would in many ways make things simpler and more straightforward.

Do let us know if you'd like the thread moved OP
Kindest wishes

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread but am here to support.
I am a teacher in a unit and I have three sons. One is asd, has schizophrenia and odd. He was very bright so I had to take Kcc to court to get a statement (he is older now) and my youngest is autistic and currently in mainstream (although I am not sure this will continue)
The pressure on schools is huge to deal with things 'in house'. I could tell you things that would make your hair curl....they have to exhaust every avenue. I am sure they would love to send him to specialist provision but it's super expensive and places are few and far between. I know you said 'you would name where you would like him to go' that rarely happens. They name placement and it's not always local.
You have to fight, fight and fight again. Does he get pip, carers allowance? Camhs? Keep on top and nag, nag, nag. Be a thorn in the side. It works trust me.
It doesn't happen overnight so be patient. You have to play the game- keep a note of everything. Message me if I can help.

If your in Kent I can definitely help you x

My DGS, who I have custody of, has had an EHCP since he started school aged 4 and 1:1 support.
However it's my understanding that the schools have to pay the first £6,000 for the needs of an SEN child. This is around half the salary of a teaching assistant. Thus schools, which are already underfunded and with a high percentage of children who need extra help, may not have the money to pay for it and TAs may have to be shared between children.
Also the reason, I think, why schools are so unhappy to admit these children. Special schools I believe receive more funding.
OP I really consider about medication. We started it at age six, despite severe misgivings, as DGS was becoming very unhappy about his inability to control his behaviour. It has made a tremendous difference to his ability to learn and integrate into a mainstream classroom.
It is very short lasting, the dose needs to be given every day, so any problems or concerns you can stop it.
The only side effect we had was inability to fall asleep at night but a dosage adjustment sorted that out.

Becks please book a callback session with IPSEA, you need professional help, which LA are doing the EHCP needs assessment? The LA that you Iive in is the one that should be doing it, where your ds goes to school is immaterial.
The home LA should be dealing with everything.