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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance AIBU

257 replies

WayfaringStranger · 16/02/2017 21:26

I am neither the mother nor the adult children but this situation is causing a shitstorm in our family. I've changed a few details to make this less identifiable. Mother has sadly been diagnosed with a terminal illness. She's in the process of sorting out her affairs. She has a few grand in savings but a property worth around £200k. She split from the children's father when they were little and they've seen neither hide nor hair of him.

There are two adult children in their late 20s. DD is married with a baby. They struggle financially, not unusual for a young couple with a child. DS is disabled (physical and mental health problems), cannot work and has never moved out of the family home.

Mother told the children of her intention to split everything down the middle. DD and her husband will be able to use her half as a deposit and get a mortgage. DS is not going to be able to afford to buy in the area. He feels he cannot move out the area because he'll lose the support from the extended family. He is terrified about moving out of the home he has lived in all his life. He worries it might make his mental health problems worse. Mother then proposed giving him lifetime tenancy. DD feels this is unfair as it ties up her inheritance. Neither sibling are particularly close but both see each other's point of view.

My gut feeling is that DS needs financial advice to ensure financial security for him. I think the house should be sold after their mother has gone. I think DD needs to agree to give her brother some time to adjust.

OP posts:
BagelGoesWalking · 16/02/2017 23:07

The mother or the DS, with your kind help, really, really need expert financial advice on how any kind of inheritance would affect any benefits he gets.

It may be possible that any inheritance is structured in such a way as to minimise any losses in benefits. I don't know if it is possible, but v important to find out now. He might find it extremely hard to get anything re-instated once he's lost it.

brasty · 16/02/2017 23:10

I honestly think DS would be better renting. If he struggles, he is not going to be able to maintain a property. He needs a good landlord, and help to set up his home. But a landlord that will maintain the property.

GloriaGaynor · 16/02/2017 23:14

If it were me I'd just let the brother have the lifetime tenancy.

The kind of tiny place he'd have to live in and uproot his life. I'd sleep much better if I know my brother was comfortable and happy.

Some things are more important than money.

GloriaGaynor · 16/02/2017 23:20

They end up living in a broken down, cold house, unless the delayed-inheritence siblings step in to constantly fix things and pay the bills.

A 200 grand house in the SE is not of a size that needs a lot of upkeep. And if it is, he could buy flat that's easier to manage with the money. A 100 grand flat in the SE will be so small as to be distressing for someone who is not hugely mobile and may have to spend a lot of time indoors.

I can't imagine wanting to get my hands on a 100 grand enough that I would do it to a vulnerable sibling. It's not actually very much money in the general scheme of things.

yorkshirepuddingandroastbeef · 16/02/2017 23:22

Is a granny annexe an option for him. I think if he were my brother and he was vulnerable I would want him close by.

RNBrie · 16/02/2017 23:23

It would be a bad idea for the ds to inherit more on the understanding that the dd's children would inherit his estate as he may not have an estate to pass on in the future.

For instance, he might be forced to sell at some point if he needs to move into residential care and fees will eat up his assets.

JoanofNark17 · 16/02/2017 23:24

And if it is, he could buy flat that's easier to manage with the money
How does he buy a flat with a lifetime tenancy?

It's not just about he's vulnerable so give him the lot. It's so much more complicated than that.

brasty · 16/02/2017 23:24

I would put the brother first. But you do have to think about benefits, maintenance and managing a property.And look at this very long term.

brasty · 16/02/2017 23:27

And remember even a small flat will at some time have broken down heating, or a leak and need a plumber.

monkeywithacowface · 16/02/2017 23:32

mygrandchildrenrock thank you. I've always felt that way but now I have a child of my own with a disability and a child without one so I'm sure one day I will feel conflicted even though I don't feel upset about not inheriting from my own family.

I guess I can benefit from my parents hindsight and hopefully put things in place that makes them feel equally loved and taken care of. Equal and fair don't always look the same.

GloriaGaynor · 16/02/2017 23:34

How does he buy a flat with a lifetime tenancy?

Well obviously the house is sold and he has lifetime tenancy of its replacement.

It's not just about he's vulnerable so give him the lot

It really is.

callmeadoctor · 16/02/2017 23:37

Granny annex the way to go x

brasty · 16/02/2017 23:40

But the DD might not want to take responsibility for her DB

ebop · 16/02/2017 23:45

I feel the calls for "he should go into sheltered accommodation" are rather flippant. It's a complete oversimplification of whether that is at all appropriate for the DS, not only in the level and type of care he might need and whether that would be a good and happy life, but also in the provision in that type of housing.

Whilst I feel for a young couple with a baby and their financial difficulties, the likelihood is that they, relatively, have more autonomy, control and potentially opportunity for change in their lives than the DS. I agree with the PP that fairness does not mean equal and therefore if DS's future could be secured by the inheritance being weighted more to him at whatever ratio needed, then it should be.

There are vulnerable beneficiary trusts that may be able to protect the DS against an inheritance affecting his mean's tested benefits.

GloriaGaynor · 16/02/2017 23:46

Owning his own home will not affect DLA and ESA but savings above £16,000 will.

DropZoneOne · 16/02/2017 23:52

My brother is disabled, he is currently able to work and he is fiercely independent, but my parents do help out as much as they can. They live nearby and my Dad will often be round helping with DIY. I chose to move away so I don't get as much physical support but that was my choice and I would never begrudge him the attention he gets.

My parents have always tried to split things equally. When I was out of work and struggling with a new baby, they gave me some money to tide me over. I tried to pay it back, and they refused, then admitted they couldn't let me do that because they'd given my brother a similar amount!

I've told my parents I don't expect them to split things equally when they die, that it would be lovely if there was enough money for me to help get DD on the housing ladder when she's older, but that my brothers needs are greater than mine and at some point he may not be able to be as independent as he is now. If that time were obvious at the point power of attorney was being given, I couldn't in all conscience demand half the inheritance and leave him to struggle. We're not amazingly close, but he's still my brother, my family.

GloriaGaynor · 17/02/2017 00:02

It's true that a vulnerable beneficiary trust may protect his benefits, but it's not a given and they're expensive to set up. If you're going to ringfence the money in a trust you might as well leave it where it is in property.

It should be born in mind that DLA is shifting to PIP (assuming that the OP is correct that he's still on DLA) which is much harder to claim and is designed to fail the maximum number of people to cut costs.

14,000 disabled people have lost their motability vehicles. Seriously sick and disabled people are failing PIP.

The more money he has available to him the better.

sleepingdragon · 17/02/2017 00:06

It is possible to set it up that the house is inherited soley by the DD, who could rent it it to her brother, who could claim housing benefit as long as the tenancy is set up correctly (best to get advice in advance to ensure this happens). This puts the DS at risk of being evicted by his sister later on, who then gets to keep the house, so depends on their relationship. It also means DD doesnt get her lump sum, but should get enough of an income from the rent to keep the house in a good state of repair and may be able to mortgage it to get the lump sum.

Alternatively, the DS may be eligible for shared owership as a disabled person. It has got much more difficult to do.in recent years but is still possible especially with capital from a family member: As far as I know this company are the only ones who help disabled people buy shared ownership from the open market, but there may be others: www.mysafehome.info

GloriaGaynor · 17/02/2017 00:10

You can't claim HB for family. What set up could avoid that?

StillMedusa · 17/02/2017 00:18

I will be in this situation one day... I have 4 children; 3 are independent and theoretically capable adults, the youngest who is 19, has Autism and learning disabilities and will never be independent.

I know I won't live forever so we are getting the ball rolling for DS2 to enter supported housing in his mid twenties.

A social services care assessment is the first step..identify his needs, have official confirmation that he NEEDS support, then apply for housing. It takes time, but ultimately if he needs support, then it is necessary. There ARE options out there, even if not classed as Learning Disabled (my son isn't although he went to special school and has LDs)

A trust fund is another option.. inheritance will definitely affect his ESA as you can only have minimal savings (DLA /PIP is not affected). If he hasn't been assessed for PIP yet, that is another concern as PIP is being denied to an awful lot of people.

You need financial advice.
I would happily leave our home to DS2 and my other kids would understand ; but it wouldn't be in HIS best interests to do so .

omnishamblesssssssssssssss · 17/02/2017 00:23

The things is that no one knows what lies ahead for the DD. She might become disabled herself or seriously ill.

It's probably best to split it 50/50 and let the DS have 6 months grace.

If the DS doesn't need space, is it worth looking at studio flats?

olderthanyouthink · 17/02/2017 00:24

I see this coming in my future, my brother is disabled and incapable of living alone (technically he could do simple stuff if prompted, like make a sandwich or wash up but my parents don't do that). He has a normal life expectancy - provided he doesn't get himself run over or something (he's not big on road safety).

If we go by my grandparents, I'll be 50+ by time my parents die, I'd like to have a house before then so I guess I'd like an inheritance for my hypothetical kids. If everything was left to my brother it might not be a big deal not directly to me but to my kids, maybe they'd inherit later.

I'd hate to see the money be pissed away on rent because he couldn't have benefits because of inheritance. He couldn't stay living in the house, its far too big and old. Also, call me a terrible person but, I don't want to be solely responsible for him. Support & visits, sure but everyday/all day is too much.

In mine and OP's friends case someone has to look after the DS. If its not a sibling it has to be sheltered accommodation otherwise DS will end up living in substandard conditions.

I hope my parents will face facts and like StillMedusa get the ball rolling for my brother to enter sheltered accommodation in the next 5-10 years

38cody · 17/02/2017 00:27

Split down the middle is fair and DD should be able to access hers now whilst she needs it with a young family. DS needs a home.
They should start looking now at shared ownership schemes - find a property that he can afford 50% of market price - shared ownership buy the other 50% and he rents that 50% from them with his pip and housing allowance if he is unable to earn.

HerrenaHarridan · 17/02/2017 00:30

You can claim housing benefit while renting from family as long as it is done properly, tenenacy agreement, deposit, gas safety certificates etc