Birthday party one

[puppysurprise]

So my LO is 4 this month. Party booked and invites all gone out. I've gotten several rsvps saying thanks for invite - - - would love to attend thank you. With the invited child and both parents names! Really?! Both parents? It's a children's party why on earth would both parents attend? It's limited spaces at the venue and I don't know what to do if it's full of mainly adults?

I just don't understand why you'd both want to go is it just me is this really odd? Surely a free Saturday afternoon to sleep / work / watch tv that's not CBeebies is welcome?

It's 15 kids 28 adults right now. Grandparents also invited.

Maireadplastic I think if the party was at someone's home it would be unlikely two parents would stay, I'd probably jump at the chance to leave my DD but be nervous with my DS as he tends to get overstimulated at parties and it can lead to meltdowns and I wouldn't want the host to have to calm him down while trying to run a party.

I don't think it's strange especially at that age. We're all different though - some parents can't wait till they don't need to stay at parties and other parents like to be there. At 4/5 parents are getting to know each other. I don't see it as a social but I do think it's a good opportunity to get to know the children and parents.

In my experience, those meltdowns are more likely to happen if the children's parents are there! Most children generally save their crap for their own parents and are much better behaved for others!

Mairead I salute you. But surely the standard rule of ''children only need to find you at the least appropriate moment' applies? Unless you sneakily drop all three at the same party then leg it home for two hours?

I can't shave legs/armpit/bikini line without one of mine bursting in to the bathroom

For some probably unreasonable reasonit drives me absolutely bonkers when both parents rock up at parties or school things where the parents aren't actually involved. Iyswim.
For example a soft play party for a four year old. The child goes into the soft play bit and needs no help for the entirity of the party. Both parents sit at the side not speaking. Why? Just why?

That's all I have to say on that.

It's perfectly normal, particularly for an only child or if the sibling is a baby. When my oldest was three and four we always went as a family. Once his baby brother turned into a toddler, one of us stayed at home with him.

When we only had one child we often went together to parties with her (aged 4 and under) as we both work during the week and like to spend time together at the weekend. A lot of the parents we know do the same thing - be it soft play, or parties at home. Useful if nothing else for getting to know other parents. Now we have 2 it's more usual for one of us to go. But I wouldn't think twice about 2 of us attending unless the invite made it clear about numbers.

It is quite normal. I think it is rather nice when both parents attend.

Times have certainly changed. I can't remember a single parent staying - ever - to my DC's parties in the 80s, unless DH wasn't around, when I used to ask a friend to stay to help out. If my memory serves me well, they had their first parties when they were 3. I can't imagine dropping my DGC off at that age and running, but we did. And I do remember a couple of younger siblings in nappies toddling round in the chaos.

We never got rid of all three of ours at once, so afternoon nookie was not an option. I worked out long ago, though, why practically every child of my generation was packed off to morning Sunday school every week.

Lots of us are lame and like spending our weekends with our children (especially if one or both parents work long hours) and also have minimal social interactions (particularly if we have younger siblings) and pre-school birthday parties actually seem fun to us! Haha

I'm not sure how people can complain or even mind when it's somewhere like a softplay that is open to the public anyway.

I think it depends on the family .
My daughter is 7 and I have always taken her to the parties.
It's not really my OH,s cup of tea unless it's a family party .
He is usually pretending to fix something at weekends 😬

If you explain on arrival that parents are not expected to stay, and you have not provided adult refreshments, most will embrace the free time. You might get the odd one who stays but most will breathe a sigh of relief!

Could there be something to be gained by leaving them? If our jobs as parents is to equip them for life, ultimately making ourselves redundant, are we doing them a favour by letting them navigate parties (they are generally safe environments) without us?
Or am I being lazy. Is this a cop out so that I get some afternoon nookie?

Unless you state one parent per child, how are they supposed to know there is limited space?

Reading this makes me so glad my twins are 9 now and I can drop and run at parties. The idea of sitting in a corner feeling awkward brings me out in a clammy sweat and gives me palpitations.
I really don't see why people think it's crazy for both parents to want to go. It's lovely to see families who enjoy quality time together. Also you don't know if one of the parents has a particular reason for not wanting to go alone, but not wanting to miss out on seeing their child have fun (anxiety etc).

It's not quality time though is it?

It's just weird to me that people would want to sit there staring at their children playing!

This is a relatively new thing. When mine were smaller dads never came. When I see it at parties now I always think it looks odd.

I wouldn't leave my 3 year old with a parent he doesn't know, I don't know and doesn't know him, who is also responsible for 15 other 3 and 4 year olds running around in a public place, no matter how weird you think I am.

And if my OH who works all the hours under the sun, including most weekends is actually off for a few hours when my son is awake and wants to see his son that day, then that's his choice.

My friend's 3 year old had a train trip birthday where tickets obviously had to be paid per person so no one would dream of bringing two adults then.

Interesting point - same here with the zoo parties - host pays for child - parents pay themselves at a discount - not many parents want to stay!!! Different when it costs you money

And if my OH who works all the hours under the sun, including most weekends is actually off for a few hours when my son is awake and wants to see his son that day, then that's his choice.

Of course it is. So either you all do something as a family on that day and decline the party, or your OH takes him if you don't want to leave him.

I agree that it's not on to leave one host to supervise lots of very small children. But I disagree that "it's his choice" to assume that both of you are welcome to impose yourselves on someone's event just because they've asked your child to celebrate with their child. Sometimes it'll be fine - it'll be a party in a soft play centre (i.e. a public place). Or it's a village hall where the host will most likely be very relaxed about having two of you go along. But I think it's impolite to assume that, in all circumstances, it's fine for both parents to go.

"Different when it costs money". Also different when it's in someone's home.

Quality time is also just being in the same room watching your child have fun with their friends. Sometimes it's comforting to the child knowing Mummy and Daddy are nearby. Also isn't it a good thing a child being able to see their parents being able to be sociable together.
I would also never leave any of my kids at a soft play centre. There's always chance of an accident or some bolshy child who pushes and shoves. I don't expect the birthday boy/girls parents to watch every child that has been invited. It's impossible.