Birthday party one

[puppysurprise]

So my LO is 4 this month. Party booked and invites all gone out. I've gotten several rsvps saying thanks for invite - - - would love to attend thank you. With the invited child and both parents names! Really?! Both parents? It's a children's party why on earth would both parents attend? It's limited spaces at the venue and I don't know what to do if it's full of mainly adults?

I just don't understand why you'd both want to go is it just me is this really odd? Surely a free Saturday afternoon to sleep / work / watch tv that's not CBeebies is welcome?

It's 15 kids 28 adults right now. Grandparents also invited.

Well I think some parents would actually like a few parents to stay rather than have to manage a class full of 5yos on their own for eg.
And while I'd have been happy to drop my child at that age with parents I knew they got quite a few whole class invitations where I had never so much as spoken to the parents so I wouldn't have left my reception age child with them!

We both work full time but it wouldn't occur to us to both accompany our child to a party. And at all the parties I've held for 2 children over 6 years, I can't remember 2 parents coming with any guest children. I'd find it odd! It's only 2 hours out of the weekend and your child is going to be involved in the party so it's hardly family time...

Two parents is ridiculous. It is usually me [ most likely] or on the odd occasion my dh. My dd has a party to go to on Saturday. She is 5 and still gets nervous. She found it hard for me to leave her last time as she didnt really know the mum and most of her circle of friends werent really there. This time she has asked me to stay with her but I have said to her that she should really just stay herself. I will stay for a short while and hopefully leave. But it will only be me, not me and my dh!!!!

I still find it strange that parents stay to parties at all. At risk of sounding ancient, when mine were young it was children only except for larger parties where we shared a hall with a friend and then we'd rope in a couple of other friends/parents to stay. Even when at playgroup (so 4th birthdays) it was just children (about 8 of them). Child has invite to party, child gets dropped off at party. Simple.

Don't know when this changed.

Anyway OP, YANBU, but maybe next time make invites clearer :-)

But it's family time if you're going to visit relatives or do something else after and the party is in the same direction. It depends on the venue. If it's a house party I would either drop off if I knew the parents or go alone but a playcentre etc I would see no harm in both parents going if it was more convenient for whatever we were doing after.

• When i say odd occasion dh, i mean either him or me, not both of us at the one time.

why are you worrying about the adults outnumbering the kids - the adults will be standing/sitting at the side not competing in games and fighting kids for cake! and guess what? some even help out !

FWIW we've done this occasionally. If we only have one day off together that fortnight and a kids party falls on it, then we'll go together because it's still spending time together.

From the hosts point of view, I usually only know one parent - whichever does the same pick up as me, so it's nice to meet the other parent. That's one of the benefits of kids parties - getting to know your kids friends parents. Its really important to do that ground work because in a couple of years they'll be asking for sleepovers and you really need to know the families to facilitate that

I have held parties and either mum or dad has stayed. Its no big deal. They stand at the side and have a coffee if its at the soft play. It really is no big deal.

Ffs your lives don't revolve around your child, get some hobbies
k. like what? what hobbies should we be doing that can be done in under an hour on random saturday afternoons at varying times when there isn't time to travel home and back again for pick up?

Reading?

Reading?
Oh cool reading in the rain sat outside the hall or at the bus stop - yeah I really should get a life like that
Or could I not just come in, sit at the side and chat to the other parents, and offer a hand if needed?

I think it would be fine to say that space is an issue and so either drop off and go or just 1 adult stsy but if you didn't make it clear then YABU as both parents attending is pretty normal I think.

For parents who use wrap-around care, parties are one of the few times to make connections for potential playdates. It is normal and quite sensible to get to know the parents of the kids whose houses your kid will probably want to go to after school etc.

Well I find it pretty odd that people would leave their 5yo in the care of strangers. Just because your child may go to school with their child that doesn't make it any different to leaving them with any other random person you don't know.

AND you NEED two parents to do that?

well, yeah!

One of my kids friends mum is absolutely lovely, she was the only one I knew because she is the one that does drop off/pick up. But I've met her OH and he instantly got my spidey senses up, and there are various things that tell me that when DD asks for a sleepover with X, I'm gonna suggest it happens at ours.

It is kinda useful to know both parents of your kids friends.

I find it a bit weird to be honest but then I am also baffled parents who both turn up to pick their child up from school or both take their child to clubs. Each to their own but I personally don't feel the need or the desire to spend every possible minute together.

Gosh. Damned if you do and damned if you don't - that's the general theme with parenting, there's no right answer!

My 4 year old isn't quite ready to be left at parties yet. He's fine at nursery, but doesn't do very well with unfamiliar people / surroundings. Usually DP takes him as I'm not a fan of parties of any kind!

Thanks everyone. Less worried now and really looking forward to the party and the venue is quite big it's just the room we have hired might not be. Got lots of games planned now will definitely rope in helpers as its a 4th party but some attending are younger.

Maybe they do also have plans after as there is loads to do nearby as its in the town centre.

There is also a coffee shop there and we can also bring our own food. Last year I did over cater you're right. Just seemed odd the amount of replies who said both are coming as last year I think only one couple turned up - who lived on the other side of town.

This is totally normal. We've had 3 4yo parties this year already (!) and the parent crowd tends to be a mix of lone parents and pairs. Probably 50/50 I'd say. Because a lot of parents socialise at these things, it tends to feel more polite to both attend, if anything I feel that's more an obligation and most parents assume the invite includes them, unless specified otherwise. We usually both go if we can, but we both work all week so value our weekend time with LO. I can see why it's difficult for you in this situation but yeah, you should have made it clear on the invites that space was limited. I certainly wouldn't be offended to be told only one parent could go (or dropping off completely) but the standard round our way is all parents welcome. Some parties feed/drink us, some don't - all good either way

Oh I hadn't realised it was unusual for both parents to attend with a child. Dh and I usually go together especially if it's a soft play kind of deal. We wouldn't expect catering or whatever though it's just nice to have someone to chat to who you know I guess.

Flump Well you must have noticed you were in the minority surely! Unless the parents at your DC's school also do as you do?

Most people don't enjoy children's parties...especially the soft play type. So take it in turns. And if you're always chatting to DH how on earth do you make friends or aquaintences with the other parents?

I think it depends on the type of party.

We had a soft play party for my dd and in this case one parent accompanied with the exception of my neighbor who's got 3 children and in this case children's grandma came to help.

This year we've booked a zoo party and on the save the date we've advised that after the party you can stay at the zoo for the remainder of the day so both parents and siblings welcome. Will just confirm numbers a week before and pay.

At a recent farm party we were asked for a 4.00 contribution for the second parent as again you could spend the rest of the day at the farm after as a family.

I don't think either is a problem if there's a lack of space at the venue specify that adult space is limited and only one chaperone per child

Oh my - no wonder the divorce rate is so high when so many in our society are happy to shame and disparage families who connect and do things together.