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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party one

229 replies

puppysurprise · 16/02/2017 05:07

So my LO is 4 this month. Party booked and invites all gone out. I've gotten several rsvps saying thanks for invite - - - would love to attend thank you. With the invited child and both parents names! Really?! Both parents? It's a children's party why on earth would both parents attend? It's limited spaces at the venue and I don't know what to do if it's full of mainly adults?

I just don't understand why you'd both want to go is it just me is this really odd? Surely a free Saturday afternoon to sleep / work / watch tv that's not CBeebies is welcome?

It's 15 kids 28 adults right now. Grandparents also invited.

OP posts:
Princesstwilightsparkle · 16/02/2017 09:04

I would class myself as a bit socially awkward tbh but I mainly go on my own and try and throw myself into conversations with other parents in an effort to get over the awkward hanging round bit. Think I'm getting to know some of them now. Big hater of small talk though.

RiversrunWoodville · 16/02/2017 09:06

We never stay at parties but they are always at awkward times so we would be going to/from something with younger dd so would both be there. At any we have hosted its usually no parents but if any stay its usually both

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 16/02/2017 09:11

If both parents go & take a sibling, do they then expect the sibling to be involved in the party?

smilingsarahb · 16/02/2017 09:14

At 4 I'd expect one parent but not two. I'd secretly hope some children got left without a parent and some parents paired up too..can you zone put a parent creche in a corner of the venue

Cheerybigbottom · 16/02/2017 09:23

First party my son, then 4, was invited to from school I went with my dh. Ds was unpopular with a lot of parents due to a 2 month biting spree when he was 3 and at the school nursery (speech & language issues). I couldn't face the parents on my own, but dh couldn't go on his own as to be honest he wouldn't know what to do.

As it was not a single other person spoke to us or ds the entire time. When we had a party this year some couples came and it was great to chat to them. Grin

yummycake123 · 16/02/2017 09:36

DS is 4 and we've been to a lot of parties recently. Sometimes I go alone, sometimes DH comes too. When we both go it's because we know the hosts. If it's a party for a kid from nursery, I tend to go alone as we don't really know the parents..
I wouldn't leave my kid alone at a party unless I really knew the hosts. Not at this age anyway....

FrogletinaBallerina · 16/02/2017 09:39

We've never taken the DC to a party as a couple - one of us takes the child, whilst the other stays with our other DC.

Where we are it's always just one parent taking their child. Never seen a couple.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 16/02/2017 09:47

I really don't understand why it would be odd for both parents to attend, especially if there are no siblings to be cared for. Weekends are really precious and it makes perfect sense that a family would come together.

There are very few SAHP of children in DD's class. I and many others work PT but that means I only get to meet the parents who are off on the same days as me at the school gate. Birthday parties are virtually our only opportunity to meet and chat with the other parents in the class. I know many MNers are sick of such relationships and can't wait for their kids to get to secondary and leave it all behind but we are new to the area and I really value the opportunity to meet people.

OneLumpOrSeven · 16/02/2017 09:47

Today 09:11 EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans
If both parents go & take a sibling, do they then expect the sibling to be involved in the party?

No.

If it's at a soft play then dc2 comes and goes in the soft play and we pay for him, but doesn't get involved in the party. I would never turn up with a sibling that wasn't invited, but reading on here turns out that some people do.

Jellybean83 · 16/02/2017 09:48

DP and I usually take DS to a party together if the party is on a Sunday. Sunday is the only consistent day DP gets off work so we always do something as a family as he doesn't get much leisure time with DS, usually we would have plans before or after party depending on party time of day, so it makes sense for us to all go instead of taking different cars/dropping one parent back off at home or collecting a parent after the party. I'm a little bit Confused thinking that we were being judged for that.

He's 7 now so we both do drop off and go for breakfast/lunch together while DS is at party.

Notso · 16/02/2017 10:09

DH and I argue about which one of us is going to the party, who willingly goes to kids parties?! I can't recall many parties where both parents turned up, I understand people like family time but there's many other hours over the weekend for that.
The only times we go together is if it's a soft play type place so one will be with the invited child and the other is with the siblings who have paid to get in.

Ohyesiam · 16/02/2017 10:56

Never seen 2 patents at a 4 and under party, unless they are the hosting couples best friends, and have been asked to help.

Original poster
puppysurprise · 16/02/2017 11:57

No I'm not a single parent. And yes I get that weekends are family time but most of the invited people don't work mon-fri hours and I just thought it was odd... As for socialising with other parents why the hell would anyone want to do that?!

OP posts:
hibbledobble · 16/02/2017 12:02

It's usual, as families like to spend time together at the weekend. Whenever I have done a party I expect both parents, and sometimes a sibling or two.

Unless you are expecting the children to come unaccompanied you need to expect this. Four is too young for unaccompanied parties I think though. We are going to try our first for age seven (so six and seven year old guests)

Jellybean83 · 16/02/2017 12:10

I understand people like family time but there's many other hours over the weekend for that.

No there really isn't when one or both parents work weekends.

K425 · 16/02/2017 13:00

When DS was that age, we fully expected both parents to come to his parties, and generally both went to parties he was invited to. His nursery was miles from home, so it was often the only chance we got to talk to the other parents beyond "good morning". Also, I don't drive, so DH always had to go, and if he really didn't know anyone I'd go to keep him company and to point out which parents belonged to which of DS's friends.

SnowWhite33 · 16/02/2017 13:16

We go together too, weekend is family time and we like to socialise together and chat with other parents. I dont see why i(or my husband) would like to stay behind.
But our son is only 2 and all his friends are preschoolers. I assume that when he is older (maybe 5+)and if its an activity party, only one of us would go (or it will be a drop off).

User24601isTaken · 16/02/2017 14:17

As for socialising with other parents why the hell would anyone want to do that?!

Many of them are nice, but I suspect with an attitude like that you won't get to learn that about any of them.

Do you realise we are all other parents? Confused

FixItUpChappie · 16/02/2017 14:37

I always say parents and siblings welcome to remove any barriers for invitees coming. I found at my eldest son 6th party many people dropped off for the first time.

meganorks · 16/02/2017 14:42

I'm not sure they will all come. But if they do its not really a big issue. They can sit or stand round the edge while the party happens. You don't have to cater for them. Sometimes people do but I would never expect as the parent to have anything provided for me.
I've strates asking if my little one can come to her older sis parties when they are whole class in a hall types. I used to carefully explain to them both why DD2 couldnt go as well, only to get there to see all the other little siblings thereally running about!

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 16/02/2017 14:50

Pengweng 60 kids?!?!? I'd be sending out the invitations three days before, with fake apologies for the very short notice...

TBH, I think your problem is going to be the opposite one - 60 kids and the parents dump and run...

MTB1003 · 16/02/2017 15:02

If both parents work full time then they have very little time to spend with their children so a few hours at the weekend is probably important to them.

This. Or maybe they have stuff to do after a party and it's more convenient to come
Together.

SuperSheepdog · 16/02/2017 15:07

Yanbu I find it odd. Most parents don't come as pairs, like you said it's a good opportunity for one parent to do something else. Also seeing as the kids are playing party games/softplay or whatever it's hardly quality time with the parents! It's unusual for both parents to come ime.

ALittleMop · 16/02/2017 15:14

When we have parties at home we always invite parents and do nice food and wine, it minimises the pain and everyone has a good time.

We tend to drop and run as have 3 kids and are world and soft-play weary. (unless as above, wine etc is on the cards). Most other families seem similar but a few always all do turn up together.

Is it ACTUALLY a problem? They will all huddle together and chat, I don't suppose they will want party bages or to take part in pass the parcel

Original poster
puppysurprise · 16/02/2017 15:22

@user24601istaken mumsnet is used by plenty of non parents. I was only half joking. Most of the invitees are good friends of mine already many I've known pre kids (but not their partners) even the ones I've known for a few years I still don't get why they both want to come, it's daytime and not exactly great for socialising as its a child's party not an adult event? They'll be party games and children's art activities it's for children. The pub and coffee shops and art openings and gigs are for adults to socialise at thanks.

OP posts:
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