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AIBU?

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Original poster

Birthday party one

229 replies

puppysurprise · 16/02/2017 05:07

So my LO is 4 this month. Party booked and invites all gone out. I've gotten several rsvps saying thanks for invite - - - would love to attend thank you. With the invited child and both parents names! Really?! Both parents? It's a children's party why on earth would both parents attend? It's limited spaces at the venue and I don't know what to do if it's full of mainly adults?

I just don't understand why you'd both want to go is it just me is this really odd? Surely a free Saturday afternoon to sleep / work / watch tv that's not CBeebies is welcome?

It's 15 kids 28 adults right now. Grandparents also invited.

OP posts:
Jumble27 · 17/02/2017 17:40

Nicpem please give me some of your children party enthusiasm!

I barely know any of the parents either as I get to do one drop off and pick up every 3 weeks due to work.

Funnily enough, today DD has received 2 from party invitations from nursery friends--maybe I can use this thread as an excuse not to go?! Although I'm sure one of the party mums won't mind because I've talked to her a lot (back before I started working full time) and we seems very nice and laid back. I will most definitely make sure to offer a helping hand if we both go Grin

wheresthewine36 · 17/02/2017 17:55

I would expect one parent to stay with children around that age but would be irritated by 2 parents staying. It's a children's party, for god's sake, who stays if they don't absolutely have to?!Grin

julessussex · 17/02/2017 17:56

This is a real issue, I posted about it on my blog recently ..Kids birthday party etiquette
I'm struggling with current kid party etiquette. Why do most parents treat kids parties as a parents social? Controversial opinion I know, but hear …
entertainer,Kids,birthday party,helicopter parent,etiquette,parenting
myfamilyhomeblog.wordpress.com/2017/01/09/kids-birthday-party-etiquette/

Maireadplastic · 17/02/2017 18:00

I've simply said to parents 'there's no need to stay'. If anyone is concerned, they can then discuss it with me- I usually say 'I promise they'll be fine, we're old hands, this is our 18th time throwing a birthday party'. If they are really worried, I say - fine, stay for the first little while so that you can see they've settle. The children are always fine.
I love throwing parties at home- we like doing the games, chatting over jelly and ice cream but I don't like being observed by other parents.

Maireadplastic · 17/02/2017 18:04

I would add that we often use a birthday party as a good opportunity to drop of child or children, go home and have afternoon sex.

MadMags · 17/02/2017 18:13

I think it's quite sad that people see parties as family time.

Your child is off playing with his/her friends and you're sitting there like a pair of tits, either making awkward chit chat, or in an insular little bubble.

Christ! Let your kid enjoy the time with friends and you just...find something better to do as a family!

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 17/02/2017 18:14

Fucking hell, I send my DH and have some fuckin MEEEEEE time, you know like a dump in private, or showering without a gawping audience. Never occurred to me to turn it into a family outing. I am pretty selfish and don't like other people's kids much though.

Mrsleighdelamare · 17/02/2017 18:15

One of us will take the relevant DC. And will only stay if we judge it to be the right thing for that particular party. Usually just drop off, after we check it's okay to do so. Almost never go together and stay although we do have three DCs so one of us will be entertaining the other ones. Unless the invite is specifically extended to all of us and we know the parents well.

IME other parents don't seem that keen on having loads and loads of other parents there, particularly if it's at someone's house. I will always offer to stay on but no-one has ever taken me up on my offer except for those parents that I'm friends with!

We've had parties where loads of parents and younger siblings have stayed and as a result of the all the extra sibs, we ran out of food. I understand that some people don't feel happy leaving their kids, and that's fine, but to assume that it's okay to stay with a younger or older sibling who insists on joining in and eating the food, without asking first is different.

As for parents turning up together and both staying, it's a bit strange. If you want to spend time together as a family, don't say yes to the invite in the first place?

Nicpem1982 · 17/02/2017 18:29

Jumble- we really like them and spend a lot of time planning our own dds party and do genuinely enjoy seeing our dd with her friends.

We also have a good balance of family time as we have a fair bit of time through the week after work as we both work until 4 each day (unless dh is working away) and I work part time so me and dd have date days every 6-8 weeks. Weekends again are open as neither of us work weekends. We're very fortunate.

Musicinthe00ssucks · 17/02/2017 18:30

I usually go with the DC invited but once or twice DH has come with me when both DDs have been invited. It's not that unusual around here.

Nicpem1982 · 17/02/2017 18:35

Jules/mrsleigh - also my dd was invited to a party that was a 75 mile round trip do you really propose that we dump and run?

Mrsleighdelamare · 17/02/2017 18:46

Nicpem, er, no, not what I said. I said that I understand some people want to stay on and that's fine. Just not everyone one and loads of siblings too, especially if space is limited.

If I were expecting people to drive that far for a party I wouldn't expect them to go home and come back again....equally if they wanted to go to a local coffee shop for the duration of the party, that would be fine too.

Florin · 17/02/2017 18:49

madmags depends how much time your dh is at home and how much time you get together, if you are lucky enough to have your husband home at 6 every night then fair enough. My dh rarely sees our son during the week. He leaves the house at 6am so if our son occasionally wakes early he will get 10 minutes with him then. It is incredibly rare he sees him after work as Ds goes to bed at 6:30 and husband doesn't get home until 8ish and then has work to do at home and normally at least one night a week he will be home after I am in bed so I don't see much of him either. Weekends are incredibly precious. At weekends we want to be together. My ds is 4.5 and all parents stay at the moment at parties and he is our only so no other children to look after so both dh and I go. He likes seeing ds play with his mates and see who he is friends with and catch up with the other parents as they are a socialable bunch and wine and canapés are normally served, while ds plays we get to chat to each other and just generally enjoy each other' company.

Nicpem1982 · 17/02/2017 18:51

Mrs Leigh I'm so sorry I've put your user name in in error.

MadMags · 17/02/2017 18:55

Florin our set up doesn't sound all that different to yours.

We're lucky though, in the sense that we don't have to rely on our kids' friends' parents for our social life.

Mrsleighdelamare · 17/02/2017 18:56

If the hosts make clear that parents are being catered for and are actively inviting you to stay on, that's different.

Each to their own - spending time at kids' parties is not my idea of fun. And I'm sure my kids have more fun without me sticking around and telling them to make sure they eat some 'proper' food too.

Mrsleighdelamare · 17/02/2017 19:03

Nicpem that's okay! I got quite excited thinking someone had replied to me though...[disappointed face]

Maireadplastic · 17/02/2017 19:12

So no one else uses them for afternoon nookie then....?

Mrsleighdelamare · 17/02/2017 19:15

Mairead, we have two other DC and they never all get invited to parties at the same time....

Nicpem1982 · 17/02/2017 19:21

Mairead- parties here are only about 2 hours......

Maireadplastic · 17/02/2017 19:59

Ha Nicpem! Mrsleigh.....so do we.....

iMogster · 17/02/2017 20:08

At 3rd, 4th 5th we have had a few children come with 2 parents and it wasn't a problem. But if I was having one at home, where space is limited then I would mention it in invite.

tea4two4three · 17/02/2017 20:12

I've just come in the door from a 4th bday soft play party and my husband joined me for a bit. I work so don't get the opportunity to speak with the other parents at the school gate therefore didn't know anyone to talk to. I got there first as it started before DH was home from work and I was sat on my own and felt like crying. My DH said he felt so sorry for me he walked in as my face lit up. I don't think parents do this as family time, they do it to prevent social awkwardness. Trying to make/join conversations with people you don't know (on a Friday evening when all you want to do is be at home having a gin) sucks.

ginsparkles · 17/02/2017 20:15

We only have one day together as a family, so if a party falls on that day we all go. We either do something together and then go to the party or go to the party and then do something family ish afterwards

peajaydoo · 17/02/2017 20:16

To be honest when our son was little, we always used to go to the parties when he was below the age of 6 years. We thought it was cheeky asking another parent to look after our son when it was their child's special day. I never even considered that it would be a problem for the parents of the birthday child. Maybe you need to be clear and say you don't need to stay we will take care of him/her go and enjoy time off! I really honestly thought it was cheeky leaving my son with another parent and expect them to look after him as well as all the other children at the party!

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