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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party one

229 replies

puppysurprise · 16/02/2017 05:07

So my LO is 4 this month. Party booked and invites all gone out. I've gotten several rsvps saying thanks for invite - - - would love to attend thank you. With the invited child and both parents names! Really?! Both parents? It's a children's party why on earth would both parents attend? It's limited spaces at the venue and I don't know what to do if it's full of mainly adults?

I just don't understand why you'd both want to go is it just me is this really odd? Surely a free Saturday afternoon to sleep / work / watch tv that's not CBeebies is welcome?

It's 15 kids 28 adults right now. Grandparents also invited.

OP posts:
User24601isTaken · 16/02/2017 05:13

I've known this to happen when children are younger. Usually lovely families invested in spending time together. I think YABU if you weren't clear it was child and one chaperone. I also think YABU to not realise how lucky you are to receive RSVPs!

Grin
HeadDreamer · 16/02/2017 05:47

It is normal at 4. You should have said on invited that due to limited space at venue, one adult per child only.

KoalaDownUnder · 16/02/2017 05:54

What do you mean, 'grandparents also invited'?

Do you mean that you invited them, or that people RSVP'd for the child, two parents and a grandparent?!

Original poster
puppysurprise · 16/02/2017 06:38

No my child's two grandparents are coming Confused hope no others!

I did say please let me know because the venue needs numbers I suppose I should of been more direct!

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 16/02/2017 06:52

At 4 at least one parent is normal and if you don't have other children to cater for then maybe you just think it will be a fun afternoon out. Are you sure the venue is wanting numbers for non participating adults?

Notonthestairs · 16/02/2017 07:01

It's unusual Op, I think one parent per child is standard when the child is 4. But not both parents unless it's family party. What about siblings are they coming too?

Mol1628 · 16/02/2017 07:04

One parent per child is standard I thought. Unless parents have several children that are invited in which case both parents usually come to help.
Don't think there's much you can do now though really.

CactusFred · 16/02/2017 07:10

I've found with the last 2 parties for 3 then 4 that sometimes both do attend. It's never been a problem. It's not like I have to feed them too.

The only one that annoyed me is the mum who asked if she could bring a younger sibling so I said yes assuming she had childcare issues... but then she came with her dh as well so I was a bit miffed he couldn't have looked after the younger child!

OneLumpOrSeven · 16/02/2017 07:13

I've been to lots of parties where two parents have gone. Sometimes DH and I both go, why not.

BaconMaker · 16/02/2017 07:13

I've seen two parents come lots of times. WE did both come once - my DH wanted to go because he doesn't get to see DD much during the week and he wanted me to come as he feels awkward not knowing anyone (usually I would definitely take the chance to relax at home). Sometimes people are going straight on somewhere afterwards so all come to the party.

Stopandlook · 16/02/2017 07:20

Weekend is family time here. Unless an invite says there is limited space, or one of us has something else we have to do, it's quite common for us both to go and plenty of other parents come x2 as well. YABU

deadringer · 16/02/2017 07:56

Both parents is ridiculous imo. Don't they have anything better to do?

Rainbowqueeen · 16/02/2017 08:00

Never done this and never had two parents turn up at a kids party, maybe because most people I know have multiple children and so one parent needs to stay at home with others. I do see it as a bit odd though

KC225 · 16/02/2017 08:03

I don't think it's a big deal. They will hang around the edge of the activity, they don't expect feeding - possibly hovering up any left overs and they can help move and tidy things away. Some parents see this as an opportunity to socialise with other parents.

IntoTheDeep · 16/02/2017 08:06

It's more usual for only one parent to come, but lots of parties I've taken DC to have at least one child accompanied by both parents.

Could the families have interpreted a "venue needs numbers" statement as something that only applied to the children? Because usually that's a cost thing - as in you're being charged per child - rather than a limited space thing where adults count as a space too.

Pengweng · 16/02/2017 08:10

I always send DH to birthday parties so he can show his face and get to know some of the parents. But mostly so i don't have to endure the hell that is children's birthday parties. Grin

DT are 5 in Aug and want class parties. They are in different classes so that means 60 children!!! If they all show up i hope they don't all bring two parents. Bloody hell!! I think i might put on the invite that due to fire safety only one parent per child is allowed.

m0therofdragons · 16/02/2017 08:21

Dd2&3s classes are like this. Dd1s year everyone dropped by year1 but with 2&3 it's a full on family activity. At the end of their party we'd turned off music, bouncy castle was down and table all cleared yet they didn't leave! We had to point out the next family was coming in for their party. It's really weird.

marchmontmum · 16/02/2017 08:38

I've started say "drop off" time is.... and "pick up" time is... on invites. Tends to get the message across! Not very helpful for the current situation but maybe in future xx

Princesstwilightsparkle · 16/02/2017 08:43

Tricky one. I guess at that age a party is also for the parents to get to know other parents too. Normally we go seperate to them & dh looks after the other child if only one has been invited. If its a friends child we may both go to be sociable, but thats only when its a really close friend.

I would say don't worry about it, if you have a buffet half the food will be left over and you may even be happy that the parents help to devour the left overs. I don't think its normal for them to be included in head count by say a soft play place. I just hire a hall and pray it doesn't feel too overcrowded. Good luck!

OhhBetty · 16/02/2017 08:47

Are you a single mum by any chance? In one of my circles of friends it's usual that the dads get sent for the party hell due to weekend contact or mums wanting a break. But we've found if a single mother hosts the mums come too if they're still together! Other than that I'd say its usual for just one parent to go. I understand family time etc but surely 2 hours doesn't make too much difference? Most people I know don't do the standard 9-5 mon-fri anyway though.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 16/02/2017 08:51

In my experience the ones that arrive in pairs are the ones that wouldn't cross the road withdrew it each other as a couple, you know the painful type

ChocolateButton15 · 16/02/2017 08:52

I like my partner to come because he doesn't see her much in the week and i dont know the mums so takes the awkwardness of hanging around like a lemon out. It's not like you need to pay for the adults or feed them.

Boolovessulley · 16/02/2017 08:54

My ex sil and bil always went together.
If they couldn't both go then the invite was turned down.

KayTee87 · 16/02/2017 08:57

If both parents work full time then they have very little time to spend with their children so a few hours at the weekend is probably important to them.

OneLumpOrSeven · 16/02/2017 09:01

If it's soft play we'll bring dc2 along to play whilst the other goes to the party so one of us will have one child each.

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