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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be shocked at 7 year olds behaviour?

304 replies

Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 14:05

DS just turned 7 last month.
Quite a loud extrovert personality but up to now had no issues with his behaviour aside from not being able to sit still for long so visits to restaurants and so on were always quite tricky.
We are more positive parents than anything else although don't like to label but have always done all we can to suit their needs ( DS2 is 4 and completely different character )
so have left restaurants and places where he can't seem to behave well in many a time
The last few weeks have been hard
School still seems fine and only just had PE and nothing mentioned other than lacks concentration at times and is quite fearless of danger but generally only does things he knows he's capable of so not really a concern but he just doesn't seem to listen to much we say and has an answer for absolutely everything
He argues back like an adult not a child and is extremely logical but not very emotional
A few examples are :
Throwing a massive rock in a farm as he was insistent it was not a rock, just a soft mass of mud so when it exploded it wouldn't break into pieces, it would just fall apart so I didn't need to worry it would smash anything
Spelling out things to his brother like " shut up " phonetically when he gets annoyed and when told off says he shouldn't be told off as his brother can't understand what he's saying
Ran past a door and accidentally shut his dad's finger in it and when explained he should apologise as although accidental he shouldn't have been running through the hallway - that was his dad's fault for coming out of the toilet at that specific moment in time
He also blames anyone and everyone for things that go wrong, so if he falls over someone distracted him for instance and takes no responsibility for his actions
He has a big personality and we've always been careful to embrace it but I wonder now if the respect is actually lacking because of that!
Anyone else with a " spirited " child like mine??

OP posts:
FATEdestiny · 15/02/2017 14:49

In what way do you think his behaviour (when being told off?) is like an adult?

  • he tried to argue black was white with the rock.
  • he was mean to his younger brother by manipulating his lack on phonics intelligence
  • he was an unappologetic selfish brat when his Dads fingers were hurt.

Do you genuinely see these as "adult" behavours? Would you do the same in that situation? Would your husband?

I wonder if the "adult" way you think of him had to do with him being your firstborn. He behaves in a more grown-up way as a 4 year old would. Or a 6 year old. His behaviour is very babyish compared to a mature 12 year old though, or a 16 year old. Certainly an older teenager or adult.

These are not adult-like behaviours. They are the behaviours of a slightly cheeky, rude, boundary pushing but ultimately normal and immature 7 year old.

saoirse31 · 15/02/2017 14:51

Sociopathic comment is ridulous. He sounds like a very bright, verbal seven yr old. If hes not causing problems in school I'd just choose what one behaviour at home u want to improve and focus on that first. Personally I'd focus on sitting in restaurants etc as that's something he needs to be able to do.

Laralouie · 15/02/2017 14:52

I totally agree with FATE an adult should accept they're wrong and apologise, learn from their mistakes.

I do sympathise because my son pushes the boundaries. Got to teach them to own their action somehow.

GabsAlot · 15/02/2017 14:54

why dont u take things away though 0hes being pedantic about eveything or as i used to say a sarky git

just because hes bright doesnt mean he sholdnt be told off

llangennith · 15/02/2017 14:55

He's the way he is because that's the way you've brought him up. Rude, badly behaved, and probably not very popular with either children or adults.
I wouldn't be so proud of him if I were you.

lljkk · 15/02/2017 14:57

Kids are still figuring out how selfish they can be. It's normal for them to push that boundary. Your duty is to help him understand the limits.

tbh, the kid sounds completely normal excitable 7 yr old.
It reads like you need to keep on teaching him about acceptable limits for how much exhuberance is ok.

misshelena · 15/02/2017 14:58

You need to take charge now. If you continue to indulge him in his increasingly antisocial behavior, he'll end up with no friends by next year.

LoveDeathPrizes · 15/02/2017 14:58

It sounds a lot like all Year 2 boys I've taught who have Asbergers.

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2017 15:00

I have no problem with my kids arguing back in a calm way if their arguments are rational and well reasoned. That's not rude and the last thing I want is for them to grow up to obey orders without question. I give short shrift to them refusing to accept responsibility for mistakes and pointless arguing for the sake of it, though.

deadringer · 15/02/2017 15:00

I think fate is spot on, and he really can't be empathetic 'when he chooses', it doesn't work that way.

user1484066668 · 15/02/2017 15:01

my little sibling is and was like that when we were growing up. so is my step-sibling who i met later in life. apparently i can be like that too! the one thing in common with the three of us is that we're all autistic in some way, and my little sibling also has ADHD. it's worth getting it checked out because there's brilliant support out there.

user1484066668 · 15/02/2017 15:02

also just saw your comment about autistic folk not having empathy- definetely not true!

Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 15:05

Sorry to drip feed
I quickly started the thread after seeing the one regarding restaurants so haven't put in enough detail I think
to answer a few things, no I don't mean acts like a adult with the things mentioned; I meant in general he isn't babyish at all and is far more grown up than all his peers
He logically thinks things through so never had the whole crying at school for me as he said " but you will come back for me so that's fine " and just argues his points instead of accepting he is the child and we are the adults so that's what I meant by that comment
He is actually very popular, has a nice group of friends although some of their parents have said that he gets away with more than theirs ever would however I don't think this is a bad thing as their children seem fearful of them rather than having this " respect " they bleat about
The sociopathic comment is ridiculous
He is only 7 and I think testing boundaries
Was hoping some parents who use positive parenting could help with getting him to underage even though he has a valid point, he can't always be right
I probably should re word and put it parenting instead

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 15:05

Understand not underage!

OP posts:
myfavouritecolourispurple · 15/02/2017 15:06

"Spirited" 7 yo inevitably leads to out of control teenager

Evidence?

drivingmisspotty · 15/02/2017 15:07

Isn't 7 the 'age of reason'? I would expect 'logical' back chat. My DD has a tendency to do this too but she has a different personality type-more introverted-and often has a think and then come back to me very sorry about what she has done. So of course I worry the other way from you - that she will internalise everything and lose confidence in herself!

This parenting lark doesn't get any easier, does it?!

meganorks · 15/02/2017 15:10

Some of this sounds a bit like my DD. She is younger though. When she was younger (under 3 I'd say) a couple of times we decided to leave places we had gone for food. Usually due to poor planning by us to be fair (not done any running around before hand). And DD really doesnt like admitting she has made a mistake. So if she falls and hurts herself or accidentally hurts someone else she will try and blame something or someone else. We do tell her off for that. At the time she can get quite worked up. But after we explain why that is not OK and she understands. But then next time in the heat of the moment she does it again.
The school thinks she has ASD and she is currently being assessed

AndHoldTheBun · 15/02/2017 15:11

I don't have a "spirited" child. I have 2 children with (diagnosed) Autistic spectrum disorders. They are both very very bright, hyper active, and they behave just like your child. The eldest is a teen and the youngest is the same age as your DS.

I think you might want to consider the possibility that your child may have ASD/Hyperactivity.

harderandharder2breathe · 15/02/2017 15:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 15:14

I just don't want to crush his personality
I really don't think it's down to parenting, as I said I have another DS who is a completely different kettle of fish
I'm pretty sure any SEN would have been picked up on by now
He went to pre school for 2 years and now in Year 1 prep and no mention of any of this
Husbands mum and dad are teachers too just to add!

OP posts:
VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 15/02/2017 15:15

Hi OP,
my now 8 year old DS changed a lot around 7, most of his friends too. A teacher said she sees this a lot, and can be due to hormone surges. We have found him more argumentative (which is positive in a way I guess), lazier, more shouty (which I can't bloody stand) and sometimes very emotional, cuddly and weepy. He is thinking a lot about the bigger world; war, death, poverty etc. He also seemed to go backwards in his physical abilities for a while and became v clumsy, but it passed. Same with his friends. It's been frustrating for us and him and yes, we have become a bit stricter.

Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 15:19

Just to add post should have read "NOT" to be shocked not shocked
It was done in response to the thread about kids being seen and not heard etc

OP posts:
GwenStaceyRocks · 15/02/2017 15:19

Unless you're misrepresenting him then his logic isn't correct. Take the example with his little brother- tone and body language convey meaning. His argument that his little brother wouldn't understand that he was being mean was flawed. His argument also implied that it's OK to be mean to someone if they don't know about it. That's untrue. Being mean about someone behind their back is damaging.

To be blunt, you seem too impressed with what you perceive as his 'logic' but you need more than half-grasped logic to flourish in life. You need kindness. You need to behave appropriate to the situation and as PPs have said you need to be able to admit when you're wrong.
He's only 7. He needs you to teach him all those skills.

knackeredinyorkshire · 15/02/2017 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenBehavingBadly · 15/02/2017 15:19

My DC is 7 and going through a phase of answering back. They don't get away with it as if we let it go now, they'll be an utter sod by the time they're a teen.

Spirited isn't the same as rude.