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Original poster

To be shocked at 7 year olds behaviour?

304 replies

Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 14:05

DS just turned 7 last month.
Quite a loud extrovert personality but up to now had no issues with his behaviour aside from not being able to sit still for long so visits to restaurants and so on were always quite tricky.
We are more positive parents than anything else although don't like to label but have always done all we can to suit their needs ( DS2 is 4 and completely different character )
so have left restaurants and places where he can't seem to behave well in many a time
The last few weeks have been hard
School still seems fine and only just had PE and nothing mentioned other than lacks concentration at times and is quite fearless of danger but generally only does things he knows he's capable of so not really a concern but he just doesn't seem to listen to much we say and has an answer for absolutely everything
He argues back like an adult not a child and is extremely logical but not very emotional
A few examples are :
Throwing a massive rock in a farm as he was insistent it was not a rock, just a soft mass of mud so when it exploded it wouldn't break into pieces, it would just fall apart so I didn't need to worry it would smash anything
Spelling out things to his brother like " shut up " phonetically when he gets annoyed and when told off says he shouldn't be told off as his brother can't understand what he's saying
Ran past a door and accidentally shut his dad's finger in it and when explained he should apologise as although accidental he shouldn't have been running through the hallway - that was his dad's fault for coming out of the toilet at that specific moment in time
He also blames anyone and everyone for things that go wrong, so if he falls over someone distracted him for instance and takes no responsibility for his actions
He has a big personality and we've always been careful to embrace it but I wonder now if the respect is actually lacking because of that!
Anyone else with a " spirited " child like mine??

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 19:46

said before but I'll repeat, no concerns from pre school ( independent, not attached to prep school ) for 2 years and nothing from prep school started 2 years ago now either

Didn't you say the school said he lacks concentration? Don't you know the code? Confused

gamerchick · 15/02/2017 19:48

If you don't consider any of the advice that's been posted please consider changing the way you deal with bad behaviour on outings. If it's just you and him then fine but it's not fair on any member of the outing to have to cut it short because of one. It gives him an extraordinary amount of power no 7 yr old should have. It's not fair on your other child.

Those kind of sanctions can wait.

Or if there are 2 adults take it in turns to take him home but the other doesn't lose out. That is going to have far more effect than what you're doing now.

isadoradancing123 · 15/02/2017 19:58

Spirited usually means rude and badly behaved, and I would say in a couple of years he will be very arrogant, not a nice trait

ocelot41 · 15/02/2017 20:06

I find my 7yr old DS has been hard work for a year now, if that is any consolation. He genuinely seems to think he should be in charge and talks back (or over) other people a lot. He is very strong willed (you could say spirited) but I really sorry about it. We do consequences, explaining why we are in charge etc, but this phase hasn't passed yet. Personally I find it exhausting - and I worry that I have done something very wrong to get such brattish behaviour. What is the teacher code for 'lacks concentration' by the way? We have had that from school too Sad

Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 20:16

Trifle, are you a teacher?
You haven't said much apart from a few snippets here and there which i find a bit odd such as " give it time " and then this " teachers code "
I might be able to understand your perspective if I knew what you were implying

OP posts:
Jellyhanging555 · 15/02/2017 20:20

So you DO take away x,y and z then?

EveningShadows · 15/02/2017 20:24

If there are no problems at school OP it may be because he has boundaries at school.

I have a 7 year old, spirited child too - he's hard work but he has boundaries and manners and I haven't parented him around his needs but around the needs of all our family and the wider world, as that's the world he'll be living in.

FrancisCrawford · 15/02/2017 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 20:25

Well, OP, there is a lot about this thread that's odd, for a start Confused

But yes, I am a teacher.

What do you mean, it's odd for me to say 'snippets here and there'?

I think my implication is clear, given I have already stated that he sounds rude and cheeky and likely to get worse! 'Lacks concentration' is teacher-speak for poorly behaved but not outrageously so.

ocelot41 · 15/02/2017 20:27

Thanks Trifle. Oh dear.

Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 20:28

ocelot41: That's okay. It usually means they like your child but feel like they should warn you the behaviour needs to improve (at least in my experience!), as it is affecting the learning.

Atenco · 15/02/2017 20:29

He doesn't sound unusually bad (or clever) for a 7-year-old. But my biggest concern would be teaching him to accept responsability for his mistakes. It is a serious defect in lots of adults that prevents them from learning from them, for a start.

But I honestly do not think there is any chance of you squashing his personality, even if you were to take up shouting.

Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 20:33

Trifleorbust,
I asked as for a teacher you seem to only be replying with sarcastic comments instead of given an actual opinion which in my opinion is odd
you also seem to have missed me saying on more than one occasion nobody has used the word " spirited " other than me
The teacher said he lacks concentration at times, which she also said is true for about half of the boys in that year so not a concern at present
It's sad as a teacher you decided to reply to this with no helpful suggestions, just sarcasm.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 20:34

Just to add, lacks concentration was aimed at his academics not behaviour.
Nothing about behaviour was mentioned until I asked and she replied no issues there at all.

OP posts:
Amaried · 15/02/2017 20:35

God I'm a bit😯 at a 7 year old who can't behave in restaurants.. would think that something needs to change if that's the case, spirited personality or not..

mainlywingingit · 15/02/2017 20:35

I wonder OP from your language that you are slightly justifying 'spirited' spoilt behaviour as a display of his intellect.

Your DS is missing the point and blaming others which is displaying a lack of empathy.

I suspect he needs more parenting, boundaries and consequences for his behaviour.
Even if he is advanced/clever, there are plenty of lovely and kind clever kids. It's just not an excuse and I think you know that. I'd say your parenting needs to tighten up. Not judging - I have a toddler that could easily head this way!!

EveningShadows · 15/02/2017 20:37

I'm a teacher Pollyanna, and as I said above I would imagine he behaves differently at school as he has boundaries. Lots of parents struggle with children at home who are largely well behaved in school.

Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 20:38

OP, I gave a wholly unambiguous opinion in my first post: your DS sounds rude, cheeky and likely to get worse. My suggestion was that you provide him with more guidance and try to channel his intellect, but don't tolerate his arguing with you in the way you are doing at the moment. It's your thread so read it!

And just because other boys 'lack concentration' doesn't mean the code isn't the code. I suggest you call the teacher and ask - does 'lacks concentration' mean he is naughty? Mind you, you would probably start arguing about the colour of shite with the teacher as well.

JamDonutsRule · 15/02/2017 20:43

I think you're getting a bit of a hard time here OP!

I think if your DS is doing fine at Prep school and teachers are happy and he has friends then the problem isn't that bad?

Personally I'd put it down to the argumentative phase many 7yo go through and perhaps, maybe, to mild ASD.

My ASD & ADD DC went through a phase EXACTLY like you have described but much worse at the same age. The logical arguments were terrible. Luckily DC is over it now and it only lasted about 5 months.

I'm not trying to diagnose, but I do think from what you've said that your DC may have some of the traits often seen in ASD children, such as the rigid thinking that can lead to applying rules where other children use a different approach. If he is only very mildly on the spectrum and is bright academically it can be very hard to spot. Of course, he could just have that trait and not be at all ASD!

JamDonutsRule · 15/02/2017 20:44

Ps. I think a 7yo who can't behave in restaurants is not too unusual!

Crusoe · 15/02/2017 20:45

"Very empathetic when it's suits him so I don't think any SEN issues"
Hmmmm sorry I just don't get this does having SEN suddenly make you less empathetic then?

Original poster
Pollyanna12345 · 15/02/2017 20:51

No of course not, i mean that he seems to be able to pick and choose when he's empathetic rather than it being something that's out of his control if that makes sense
Trifle, I could argue about the colour of shite? I'm flabbergasted you are a teacher as you come across very rude and quite unkind which isn't a trait I see in many teachers.

OP posts:
Foslady · 15/02/2017 20:53

Thing is it sounds like he has zero empathy - it was his fault he got hurt because he allowed himself to get in my way.......
He can argue til the cows come home, but if you are unwilling to point out what his actions mean for others he will never change

Foslady · 15/02/2017 20:54

And empathy shouldn't be on a switch - he should realise all the consequences or have them pointed out

Trifleorbust · 15/02/2017 21:00

Pollyanna12345: That's because we are paid to be polite at work, OP.