To think this is bloody lazy 'parenting'

[Exileinengland1999]

Really pissed off- DP has had the kids at home today for half term. I left for work at 8.15am and everyone was up. It's a beautiful day & sun is shining -DD 4 asked to go to the park as I left. I ring at 12 and they are still at home- kids have been watching tv and playing on a tablet. I ring again at 2pm and they are still at home having just had lunch. DP eventually takes them to the park for 1 hour after constant hassling.
I come home & house is a shit tip- nothing has been done either and I have spent my evening after a day's work hoovering and tidying after the mess DP has made.
Aibu to be pissed off on a number of counts- kids inside all day on screens, house a shit tip. DP has mostly spent the day not moving from one seat looking at his phone according to my DS.
Lazy bloody non- parenting? Aibu?

A lazy day is fine as long as that's what the kids want to do.
Shamoffour, are you really suggesting that they dictate their own day? If Dad needs a relaxing day, they fit in, kids are too pampered sometimes!

For those replying YABU - it says in the original post the DD was asking to go park a number of times. It IS lazy parenting if you decide to put off going to the park in favour of letting your kids bore themselves while you sit on the sofa on your phone. Downright selfish. Don't care if you're "tired" from work or whatever, if it's the first day of half term then I assume he had the weekend off if he works mon-fri?

And yes you DP could have done the chores. It's not that hard to clean up if the majority of his time was taken up by his phone. What childminding did he even do? An hour in the park and fed them lunch?

Feel like there's more to this that your post shows. If he constantly doesn't help around the house then this might have pushed you over the edge.

Also ffs men can and SHOULD be able to mind the kids and do the chores and go to work when needed - there's so many women who do this and more on a regular basis with little to no help, what excuses a man? Stop making excuses for him. He's a slob.

The fact that you have posted this whinge - presumably instead of having a conversation with your husband about what arrangements he has made to entertain the children tomorrow - speaks volumes for the state of your marriage. Or is the source of your spite the fact that he was off work and you weren't?

I don't know if it was lazy, I don't know your usual setup and who does what.

I do know I'd have hated several phone calls trying to micromanage my day.

I once left him in charge of children for an hour to go to parent meeting. They were painting. Came back to find they had redecorated kitchen, but not in a good way. I went ballistic. Husband went equally mad as he had been trying to cook dinner.
Now, I would not worry and go zen and see he was trying his best and that the paint can be washed off. We get so hyped and stressed in daily life. In hindsight it's best to leave the minor stresses to take care of themselves.
And in your situation, leave the mess til tomorrow for him to sort. And he did take them to the park.

It's the first day of half term, I don't really see the harm and it's too cold here for the park in my opinion.

Why did you call in twice? That sounds like you don't trust DP to look after the kids anyway!

If I was your OH, I'd be furious. Why on earth did you feel the need to check in on him like a naughty child... twice?

Poor guy no wonder he was not motivated to do much. Like others have said, if it was the other way round, and a man was calling to check on your doings every few hours & complaining the house is a mess when he gets home! And to top it all off believing a 5 year old, who I'm sure NEVER exaggerates! I'm sure the Mumsnet horde would be telling you to leave the abusive OH.
I understand it's horrible coming home to a mess, but I think you Abvu x

I'm so glad I don't live with someone who has appointed themselves manager of the house and considers their way of living better than mine.

This ^
Good grief stop micro managing and get off the guys back.

You weren't there so you don't get to control the sequence of the day. He had a lazy day, so what? It won't hurt the kids to not be out and entertained every moment on the first day of the half term.

They asked to go to the park and he took them when he was ready.

I'd be more pissed off at your apparent need to check up on me several times during the day.

For me the whole 'lazy or not' question pales into insignificance compared to the teaching a child to undermine his Dad and to' snitch'on him.

I'd be furious too. At least if the kids are glued to screens all day (happens sometimes!) he should be tiding up.

I was at home yesterday and it was a lazy parenting day watching movies etc.

HOWEVER, I cleaned the inside window frames, tackled some mould spots around the place, cleaned skirtings, organised a cupboard, waxed some wood products, did 3 loads of washing, emptied dishwasher and tidied and vacuumed downstairs. I also engaged with my daughter and watched most of a movie with her.

I was also calling customers and responding to work emails!

The house was not as tidy as I'd have liked as I only did downstairs and my parenting was not as good as I'd have liked but at least I was not lazing about achieving nothing.

You are RIGHT to be pissed off!

I'm off with the kids next week. I feel it is entirely up to me and them how we spend our time.

With the caveat that DH will be out of the house from 6am to 8pm most days, which means I do feel it is incumbent on me to make sure the basic bases are covered (dinner, moderately tidy and clean, clean underwear). My DH wouldn't dream of having a go at me for not doing enough activities (in fact he's much more of the 'kids need downtime school').

OP, you think you feel sad you couldn't be with the kids that day so you are trying to "mother from afar"?

And so stop getting your kids to rate your DHs parenting.

I wouldn't be that impressed, to be honest.

If your DP is a SAHP, then a lazy day in the midst of all the other things he does with them is no big deal. If however he is a WOHP and this is a rare day off I'd be really disappointed that this is how he chose to spend it, and upset for the kids too.

When I was on mat leave we had days like this (although the house wouldn't have been a shit tip) but it's actually way more enjoyable for both me and children to get out of the house and do something. Now I have limited time with them I look forward to getting out and spending the day doing something nice together. I would be pissed off if DH had a rare day off with them and spent it pissing about on his phone while they trashed the house.

Yes, why are you encouraging your son to snitch on your husband?

If one of mine moaned about their dad not doing anything I would shut that down straight away. It's quite worrying your son either ran to you to snitch or you asked him so you could have a reason to moan.

Stop trying to control how he spends their day. I am off to work in a bit, I don't feel I have any right to dictate what my husband does with them today.

The lazing? No worry.
Not giving into the kids' every whim? No sweat.
Giving the kids the third degree on what Dad has been doing? NO NO !

Was it an one off op or does this happen regularly?