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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is bloody lazy 'parenting'

192 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 13/02/2017 19:22

Really pissed off- DP has had the kids at home today for half term. I left for work at 8.15am and everyone was up. It's a beautiful day & sun is shining -DD 4 asked to go to the park as I left. I ring at 12 and they are still at home- kids have been watching tv and playing on a tablet. I ring again at 2pm and they are still at home having just had lunch. DP eventually takes them to the park for 1 hour after constant hassling.
I come home & house is a shit tip- nothing has been done either and I have spent my evening after a day's work hoovering and tidying after the mess DP has made.
Aibu to be pissed off on a number of counts- kids inside all day on screens, house a shit tip. DP has mostly spent the day not moving from one seat looking at his phone according to my DS.
Lazy bloody non- parenting? Aibu?

OP posts:

Muckersesquire · 14/02/2017 18:03

Honestly, I would be irritated if the house was a bomb site having been at work all day. But on the flip side, I'm the stay at home parent, granted my daughter is only 10 1/2 months so it's easy to stay on top of the housework. Washing has been done but bathroom is in desperate need of a clean and a good hoover around the house but think I'll chill till Thursday as I'm awaiting the electrician tomorrow and going to slimming world in the afternoon. If my parter came home complaining he'd be shown the door. It might not look like he's done a thing around the house but the children are safe, fed, watered and have had fresh air for the day. Men are naturally more relaxed than us woman. I think it's easy to throw around the lazy comment I'm guilty of it myself as is my partner.

deblet · 14/02/2017 18:11

When we off at half term we have a lazy week. Why on earth would you come home and tidy up? I would have plonked myself on the sofa and asked whats for dinner

melj1213 · 14/02/2017 18:13

He's the parent in charge at home, as long as nobody was in any danger or harmed in any way, then it's his choice how to spend that day. You can decide he was lazy or neglectful in his parenting duties, but that doesn't make it true.

He decided to have a lazy day, the kids got to play at home and then he took the kids to the park when he was ready ... they got to go to the park in the end, what's wrong with making them wait till later?

Also why did you ring twice in the space of two hours, don't you trust your DP to parent alone? When my DD is at her dad's I don't ring unless there's an emergency or I need to change the plans ... yes we are seperated but we're still friendly, and I have no idea of the specifics of stuff she does with her dad beyond whatever she says in answer to "Did you have a good weekend?" because as long as he's not leaving her alone all day or putting her in direct harm, then how he parents is his concern.

cricketballs · 14/02/2017 18:14

First day of a school holiday is always a pj day in my house! If my DH rung me twice to berate me about not going the park he knows exactly what language I would use!

Hellsbells35 · 14/02/2017 18:15

I'm with you! Yanbu...extremely lazy. He should value the time he spends with his kids and connect with them rather than having them zombified watching a screen. They could have had a day out together in the sunshine and built some childhood memories.

Blinkyblink · 14/02/2017 18:19

Lazy parenting is when you don't feed your kids because you're too engrossed in whatever you're doing. When your house is squalid and the kids live in shite because it's something you do regularly.

That is your definition of "lazy"??

That is my definition of extreme neglect.

Kika2901 · 14/02/2017 18:24

I don't think YABU, I would be inwardly fuming but generally men are shit at multi tasking and can't comprehend that looking after the kids involves looking after the house as well! It's the way they are wired and we can't change them. I personally am climbing the walls by 10am with just two kids who need to burn off some energy so could never stay in with 4 kids until 2pm especially if they were nagging me to go out. I'm with you on this one.

Lucy83 · 14/02/2017 18:26

That sounds a lot like my day yesterday. I'm a sahm. We mostly pottered around at home or in the garden, other than an hour or so at the park. Children were happy and exhilarated to be playing at the park, but equally happy to come home and watch movies the rest of the day. We were all exhausted and enjoyed the laziness.

I'm glad my dh isnt as much of a hardarse as you or i would feel very demoralised. He comes in, is pleased to see us all, and then sits and chats to us, rather than passive-aggressively start immediately hoovering

It sounds like you are jealous that they are all at home chilling out whilst you're stuck in work? I suspect I might feel that way too if mine and my husband's roles were reversed so can kind of understand why you're annoyed in that regard

The only unreasonable thing in your original post, is that it reads as if you have questioned your son and made him in to an informant against his dad?!

Angryangryyoungwoman · 14/02/2017 18:28

I can't believe that there are so many posters on this thread saying "men are like this, men are like that"

For fucks sake people.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/02/2017 18:28

First day of a school holiday is always a pj day in my house! If my DH rung me twice to berate me about not going the park he knows exactly what language I would use!

I agree

SarfEast1cated · 14/02/2017 18:28

I'm with you OP - yesterday was a lovely day - your children wanted to go out, but instead he kept them in all day, only going out in the evening. What a boring day for your kids.

(Haven't read entire thread so hopefully no bombshells since I read it yesterday).

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/02/2017 18:29

yesterday was a lovely day

It wasn't here.

AlexRose5 · 14/02/2017 18:33

For me it's more so what kinda house does he cone home to when you're at home and he's out?
You may have different ways of parenting , and you may disagree that the kids were in all day but if he's not often home with them a cuddle and a chill may have been good all round?
However
If he's happy to benefit from the effort you put in while he's out, as in, he returns to a house that's in reasonable order and he doesn't have to start tidying after a day at work , then I would lay it down straight for him .
Tell him there's a minimum standard. And if it's not met by the time you get home then he can spend the evening catching up while you chill on a chair.

apringle · 14/02/2017 18:35

One with the force - sometimes 4 hours. We live near one of the royal parks with playgrounds, different types of gardens, cafe for lunch etc. But obviously my point was it was sad he used the to as a babysitter if this was a rare day off with them.

Unicorn1981 · 14/02/2017 18:35

I'm actually with you. Fair enough having a lazy day but he still shouldn't have left a mess. And if they wanted to go to the park he should've taken them.

PirateMother · 14/02/2017 18:39

Out of order in m opinion. Stuff the housework, iPads and phones get out and plunge your hands into the earth, sea and sand.

caringcarer · 14/02/2017 18:40

If DP was in charge and DD wanted to go to the park he could have made an effort and took her early, that way he could have come back in time to do a few jobs, got their lunch, cleared up and then messed on his phone. Hell he could have gone all out and either made you dinner ready for when you got home from work or took you out to eat because it is St. Valentine's Day. Either way you should not come home and did it but left it for DP to do.

Summerxxx · 14/02/2017 18:44

Exileinengland1999 I totally feel for you and 100% agree. I would be upset too.

I know there is always two sides to every story. But I think unless they were poorly or had some personal things going on then this is unfair. As little people need to be stimulated (fun play) and get some exercise and fresh air if not at pre-school or nursery.

OneWithTheForce · 14/02/2017 18:49

He should value the time he spends with his kids and connect with them rather than having them zombified watching a screen

I guarantee you that both OP and you spend time at home with your Dc where they are "zombified" watching a screen and you're doing something equally unproductive.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 14/02/2017 18:50

for when you got home from work or took you out to eat because it is St. Valentine's Day.

It wasn't yesterday

OneWithTheForce · 14/02/2017 18:51

Today 18:28 Angryangryyoungwoman

I can't believe that there are so many posters on this thread saying "men are like this, men are like that"
For fucks sake people.

I know, it's depressing. I have to wonder why they've surrounded themselves with this type of man to the extent they believe all men are like that.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 14/02/2017 18:53

Having a lazy day with your children is ok. Spending all day on your phone rather than engaging with your children is sad.

notangelinajolie · 14/02/2017 19:00

His day, his call. My kids used to love do nothing days, very chilled days of nothing - nothing beats it. There is more to life than having a tidy house.

Angryangryyoungwoman · 14/02/2017 19:03

OneWithTheForce
Yes, it's quite frustrating isn't it.

OneWithTheForce · 14/02/2017 19:09

Very frustrating. I have two sons. Today between them they've fed the pets, hoovered the kitchen, emptied and refilled the dishwasher and started dinner. This is typical for them, despite their maleness.

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