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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bloody lazy 'parenting'

192 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 13/02/2017 19:22

Really pissed off- DP has had the kids at home today for half term. I left for work at 8.15am and everyone was up. It's a beautiful day & sun is shining -DD 4 asked to go to the park as I left. I ring at 12 and they are still at home- kids have been watching tv and playing on a tablet. I ring again at 2pm and they are still at home having just had lunch. DP eventually takes them to the park for 1 hour after constant hassling.
I come home & house is a shit tip- nothing has been done either and I have spent my evening after a day's work hoovering and tidying after the mess DP has made.
Aibu to be pissed off on a number of counts- kids inside all day on screens, house a shit tip. DP has mostly spent the day not moving from one seat looking at his phone according to my DS.
Lazy bloody non- parenting? Aibu?

OP posts:
EmmaSadie · 14/02/2017 19:18

Yanbu. I wfh yesterday and had a deadline so worked until midnight. Asked DP to be the responsible adult last night, yes of course came the reply. He then proceeded to play in his PS3 for the entire evening. So I put our DD to bed, gave her tea and played with her and her dolls before her bedtime story. Went back to work after she was sleeping. DP only stopped his game to eat the dinner of cooked, and I went downstairs later to find the leftovers out in the kitchen. Nothing put away, no dishes washed. No apology today and no hint of Valentines. Is it so hard to think of anyone else?

WyfOfBathe · 14/02/2017 19:23

He's the parent in charge at home, as long as nobody was in any danger or harmed in any way, then it's his choice how to spend that day. You can decide he was lazy or neglectful in his parenting duties, but that doesn't make it true. I agree with this. The mess would annoy me, but the rest I really couldn't get worked up about and I agree with some other posters that you come across as controlling.

DH & I are both home this week (he's a teacher, I'm on mat leave). Yesterday DD1 did some craft/junk modelling, we watched a film, she played on my laptop, she played with her toys, and then we all walked to the pizza shop to get a takeaway for dinner. The other days this week we will be going out, visiting people and places and probably spending a lo of time in the park. But there's absolutely no harm in the occasional lazy day.

Carriecakes80 · 14/02/2017 19:24

Is your partner meant to jump the second your daughter says to?
Surely if you trust him with your kids, then its what he says goes, not your dd!
If my husband has the kids, they do what he wants to do...usually this might mean a trip to the library, a walk in the woods or the park for half an hours kick about with the football, and then home so hubby can have a bit of gaming time, especially as he is in a stressy job he doesn't really like, so I want him to be able to feel relaxed when he's home with the kids, not tell him where to go, what time to go, what to do etc... if its a big mess, I'll ask him nicely to help me as, tbh cleaning doesn't come as naturally to him as it does to me lol.
When I go out to work or whatever & he has the kids, I trust my husband enough to care for them, and if he wants a day in, whether the sun is shining or its raining cats n dogs, its down to him, as he is in charge! Plus, its good for the kids to get bored sometimes, teaches 'em to think for themselves! :-)

PietariKontio · 14/02/2017 19:27

He was lazy, for that day, and (although that's maybe missing the point of AIBU) none our our business to extrapolate that one day into a greater assessment of his character or parenting.
I'm reasonably confident that the majority of parents have done that, and it's understandable if it's the first day of leave, as you've switched off and just want to doss.
Yeah, coming home to a messy house is a pain, but it's a slippery slope to condemn any f/t or temp sahp on one day.
It should having nothing to do do with him being a man though; like every parent he's allowed time to be lazy; not because males can't multitask or they 'just can't think about or do the house stuff', but because all parents, working or sah, are allowed to be lazy some times.
When I have a week off, I'll pretty much always have one day that's lazy; yes we're always parents, but everyone needs a break

manicmij · 14/02/2017 19:28

YNBU. Even if he was having a slob about day, he could have at least tidied mess up and even organised meal at night.

Winemamma · 14/02/2017 19:34

I am used to this now. DH is a teacher and does this regularly during the holidays, however he works hard and does sometimes have productive days off.
It irritates me at times but I usually get over it quickly.

ButtonMooooon · 14/02/2017 19:56

Half term is next week for us. DH is off on Monday but I must admit I am planning on Tuesday being a lazy day BUT I will have dinner cooked when DH gets home and the house will be clean and tidy. I do have stuff planned for the other 3 days though

LardLizard · 14/02/2017 20:11

What did you want him to do op

Do all the chores and play with the kids?

user1468957349 · 14/02/2017 20:16

I'd have been peed off too OP, I'm with you!

oblada · 14/02/2017 20:22

I'd be annoyed too. Not because it's not OK to have a lazy day but because lazy should be something else than just being in front of a screen. I would have a headache if I spent half a day on my phone doing nothing much else and I would rather teach my kids to do other things than watch TV/be on the tablet. To the pp who said it's sometimes good for kids to have a lazy day it gets them to use their imagination - yes definitely but then no screen!! And a bit of tidying up before the partner comes home is just basic respect imo.

JASWITHUS · 14/02/2017 20:33

So many days I wished I could do that! Lucky him :) If your partner is working and if it is day off! Let it be a day off for him! My DH would Hoover (for the sake of it) between the mess without moving anything on the floor and would leave the Hoover on the living room to show off that he did do something while I was away!

MommieMommyMom · 14/02/2017 20:34

Yep.. extreme neglect because you're too lazy to actually do it.

Having ONE day chilling out with the kids is hardly lazy parenting.

PinkPanther27 · 14/02/2017 20:37

I'd be annoyed too, sounds like it's happened before as you were expecting it. Also agree with the fact that we shouldn't be making excuses for men. They can evolve and change!

Blinkyblink · 14/02/2017 20:40

Chill out, indoor play, TV, computer games, hour in the park.... perfect start to half term.

Leaving the house in a scummy state all day. Gross. That's not chilling out, that's just scummy and thoughtless.

OneWithTheForce · 14/02/2017 20:46

I'm so glad I don't live with someone who has appointed themselves manager of the house and considers their way of living better than mine.

Nanny0gg · 14/02/2017 20:49

If my DH had ever come home and criticised the way I'd 'kept house' or dealt with the children that day he'd have been wearing a new pair of earrings.

If it happened day after day then he'd have a point, but this is one day!

deblet · 14/02/2017 20:50

People are obsessed about screen time. My kids spend a large portion of the day on their PC's it has not done them any harm at all. All of them have had their own computers since the age of 10. What do adults on here do? I got up today went to work (all day on a screen) came home did 30 mins on my treadmill, cooked dinner and walk dog then spend the rest of my evening off watching tv, on my laptop or phone. Once a week I have an evening at college prompting homework I have to do on a screen. What do others do all day that they worry about screen time so much? Genuinely interested btw.

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 14/02/2017 20:53

I'm old. I think screens will ruin civilisation as we know it.

Maybe it will produce something better. Who knows. But I think it is really sad that people spend all day on a screen rather than engaging with their children.

Owllady · 14/02/2017 20:53

It is half term here and I haven't left the house either. I'm not sure why there is this need to be doing something all the time. My children are irritable and tired, they need down time imo so if staying at home a few days resting solves that, it's not a problem.

My oh hasn't moaned though. I have pickled some beetroot and cooked a roast dinner
Not sure if that won me brownie points

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 14/02/2017 20:55

Fresh beetroot? How?

Owllady · 14/02/2017 20:59

I peeled and used a mandolin and brought it to boil and simmered for 5 minutes with balsamic vinegar and some cinnamon sugar and cloves. Have put it in a sterilized(10 mins in boiling water) Kilmer jar. Will leave for 48hours and then eat over the next 5 days
You're welcome :o house stinked hence why I did a roast

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 14/02/2017 21:20

I meant where did you get fresh beetroot 😏

JustAnotherPoster00 · 14/02/2017 21:20

Just RTFT and this wonderful nugget caught my eye

Totally lazy not to clear up the bomb site.

Also if the kids are desperate to go out - lazy too.

Nothing wrong with a lazy day if everyone's in the mood for it.

DD has had the pox the last week and ours looks like a tornado has gone through it because we've been in all week.

Pauline the cleaner come back. Roll on Wednesday

Does anyone know how to turn an irony detector off, this thing is going crazy

supermoon100 · 14/02/2017 21:32

I would just be grateful I had the free childcare!

Owllady · 14/02/2017 21:39

ExitPursuedBySpartacus
It was in my organic vegetable box
So now I look like the biggest prick ever

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