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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is bloody lazy 'parenting'

192 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 13/02/2017 19:22

Really pissed off- DP has had the kids at home today for half term. I left for work at 8.15am and everyone was up. It's a beautiful day & sun is shining -DD 4 asked to go to the park as I left. I ring at 12 and they are still at home- kids have been watching tv and playing on a tablet. I ring again at 2pm and they are still at home having just had lunch. DP eventually takes them to the park for 1 hour after constant hassling.
I come home & house is a shit tip- nothing has been done either and I have spent my evening after a day's work hoovering and tidying after the mess DP has made.
Aibu to be pissed off on a number of counts- kids inside all day on screens, house a shit tip. DP has mostly spent the day not moving from one seat looking at his phone according to my DS.
Lazy bloody non- parenting? Aibu?

OP posts:
SouthernNorthernGirl · 13/02/2017 20:26

for anything

pictish · 13/02/2017 20:31

It really depends if he has form for being a lazy lump. If it's a build up of ongoing frustration I can understand your feelings about this more.

Livelovebehappy · 13/02/2017 20:34

Lovely day if you're inside looking out, but it's a cold one, and muddy as hell after the rain at the weekend. I hate going to the park when you're knee deep in mud. It's not fun for anyone.

TK1930 · 13/02/2017 20:36

YADNBU -how annoying to come home to a mess.
And this Hmm to the poster who said 'hoovering and tidying isn't hands on parenting'

S1lentAllTheseYears · 13/02/2017 20:42

It is a bit crap and lazy but context is everything.

We had a fair few days like that when I was a sahm - just couldn't be arsed being supermum all the time! If DH had rung home checking up on me and quizzed the DC as to what we'd been doing, I would not have been best pleased.

FWIW I usually regretting not doing much with them as they'd be on the ceiling by bedtime and it was much better if I forced myself up and out of the house for a run around at some point - which your DH did do in the end.

As others have said, it depends what he normally does. If he's always shite and just sticks them in front of the telly while he farts around on his phone that's different to if he normally makes an effort but just couldn't be arsed today.

Sandsnake · 13/02/2017 20:43

Definitely YANBU. Lazy days are fine if all are up for it, you coming home to mess everywhere is not, especially when your youngest is four. I also think it's a bit rubbish to keep them shut in all day, when they want to go out and do something.

CherrySkull · 13/02/2017 20:44

the only thing he did wrong was not to spend 10 mins just tidying around before you got home.

The rest of it? YABU, the chances of me doing anything on our first day of half term next week are zero. Its always a lazy/pj day for us.

WaitrosePigeon · 13/02/2017 20:44

I agree with you OP. I wouldn't be happy either.

MongerTruffle · 13/02/2017 20:44

You have half term already?! Shock

totally misses point of thread

GatoradeMeBitch · 13/02/2017 21:07

There's something wrong with a 'lazy day' if the parent who has been out at work all day then has to do all the housework when they come home.

Londonsburningahhhh · 13/02/2017 21:17

Can't your dc excluding your 4 year old clean up. They are going to live in their own place one day. I get my children to clean up after themselves a bit of home training won't hurt them.

Trifleorbust · 13/02/2017 21:18

TK1930:

Me too! I love these MN parents whose homes seem to clean themselves Confused

Londonsburningahhhh · 13/02/2017 21:19

We have half term as well this week.

ciderwithrose · 13/02/2017 21:26

The mess would piss me off as I feel that if one partner is at home one day, whilst the other is at work, they should at least keep on top of the basics.
The odd lazy day is fine by me though, I think we all benefit from them every now and then.

emma2468 · 13/02/2017 21:29

We had a lazy day today. I was on an online course so kids watched films and played Lego. I ran them out to the park for an hour in my lunch break. House was a tip by the end of the day but the kids seemed happy 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheOnlyColditz · 13/02/2017 21:29

It's my half term too, and part from loading the dishwasher I have not sweet FA. I would NOT be impressed if my partner was continually ringing me to try and control my actions and check up on my parenting. I do housework on my schedule, not someone else's, and furthermore, just because a 4 year old wants something, doesn't mean they have to be given it immediately.

YABU and controlling. I also think asking your older child to check up on your partner is emotionally abusive, to both your [partner and your child.

Witchend · 13/02/2017 21:37

Going to the park at 8am. That is definitely UR Wink

I don't think it's dreadful for one day. Me and dh went to work today and left the three of them to have a lazy day. Dd1 (16yo) decided to spontaneously tidy her room dinosaur bones will be found, dd2 and ds (13yo/9yo) played on the computers and made lunch.
All are happy.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 13/02/2017 21:41

There's something wrong with a 'lazy day' if the parent who has been out at work all day then has to do all the housework when they come home

They don't have to be a martyr. You walk in, see the mess, and ask how quickly it will be cleaned up so you can relax after your day at work. And btw what's for dinner?

Giddyaunt18 · 13/02/2017 21:43

I would be annoyed too. I'd allow him the one lazy day but I certainly wouldn't have got in and hoovered up after him!

ArriettyClock1 · 13/02/2017 21:45

I wouldn't be impressed with the mess but having a lazy day is fine. They did go out and run about at some point.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 13/02/2017 21:45

I'd allow him the one lazy day

Allow? Hmm

Giddyaunt18 · 13/02/2017 21:46

I mean not get worked up over it. Jeez, the word police are in!

ArriettyClock1 · 13/02/2017 21:49

If I am at work, I will often phone home to say I am on my way.

I am such a harridan that this is all it takes for everyone to be spurred into action to do a rapid tidy up time!

Freddorika · 13/02/2017 21:51

I'd be miserable if dh spent all day on his phone. Does he not have any other interests?

MaisyPops · 13/02/2017 22:00

Lazy day. Not an issue. I find it odd how many people on MN feel kids need to have every minute/day of half tern mapped out. Thankfully theres lots of chilled out people. And as for the 4 year old wanting to go to the park, they went. Like hell is it unreasonable for the adult to decide when.

On the housework, are we being funny because it's DP? Just I see a LOT of SAHM threads where consensus is that the working partner should be mucking in and cleaning on an evening because "theyve done the childcare all day and its a 24h job". (Personally i think that idea is ridiculous but its thrown around here lots)

Sure he maybe could have done more but id be pissed off if DH felt he could police my days off work.

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