Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

To think this is bloody lazy 'parenting'

192 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 13/02/2017 19:22

Really pissed off- DP has had the kids at home today for half term. I left for work at 8.15am and everyone was up. It's a beautiful day & sun is shining -DD 4 asked to go to the park as I left. I ring at 12 and they are still at home- kids have been watching tv and playing on a tablet. I ring again at 2pm and they are still at home having just had lunch. DP eventually takes them to the park for 1 hour after constant hassling.
I come home & house is a shit tip- nothing has been done either and I have spent my evening after a day's work hoovering and tidying after the mess DP has made.
Aibu to be pissed off on a number of counts- kids inside all day on screens, house a shit tip. DP has mostly spent the day not moving from one seat looking at his phone according to my DS.
Lazy bloody non- parenting? Aibu?

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 13/02/2017 22:04

Ok. So it's not a story book childhood day, but apart from the mess, it's probably ok as a one off? Ok not a fan of kids on screens all the time, hope he doesn't do it all week.

ohtheholidays · 13/02/2017 22:05

YANBU and he's been very lazy,he should have done the tidying up when you got in if he couldn't be bothered to do any of it all day.

rollonthesummer · 13/02/2017 22:07

Sounds just like my day today!

Trifleorbust · 13/02/2017 22:07

I can't believe so many people seem to think not going out all day should be a 'one-off'

I spent my whole childhood mucking round my house!

Sallystyle · 13/02/2017 22:09

Lazy, but lazy is fine at times. My kids didn't want to do anything today, and if I'm not working and they are off school I love a day doing as little as possible.

We will have another lazy day tomorrow. Then I'm back to work and no idea what dh will do with them but I won't be calling him to make sure he has taken them out.

Sallystyle · 13/02/2017 22:10

As for lovely dad, in Norfolk it has been bitterly cold. Bright at times, but not beautiful at all.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/02/2017 22:10

It's lazy parenting but I don't think it's wrong to be a lazy parent from time to time. It's if it's constant that it's a problem. So if he's been lazy all weekend and was lazy today as well, I think YANBU. If he's been busy just like everyone else then a lazy day for the first day of half term seems fine then YABU, so long as there will be other days he can spend being a bit more hands on.

I tend to think lazy days at home when the other parent is out working or doing something else for the good of the family should include a quick whizz round before the other parent gets home so things look half decent and they get to laze for the evening without it feeling bleurgh. But I don't think it's a big deal if it's just the once.

RedAndYellowStripe · 13/02/2017 22:14

If this was a woman doing that, the answers would be very different.

Having a lazy day yes. Not going to the park until your 4yo has managed to worn you down, not so good.
Not doing a lot yes, not tidying up as un leaving food on the floor not so good.

Yes he is off, yes he is looking after the dcs, it doesn't stop him to do a minimum if tidying as they go along like the OP would have done (and any mother). Even if it's his hols too,.

I'm not sure why he is being given the approval just because ... he is a man looking after his dcs during the first day of hols.

hmcAsWas · 13/02/2017 22:21

Exactly RedAndYellow!

Ellapaella · 13/02/2017 22:28

So if the mum was at home and the man came home from work and started asking when the clearing up was going to get done so he could sit down and relax that would be ok?! After he had called twice in the day to see what she had been doing with the children and to make sure she hadn't had the audacity to stay in the house all day after he had told her to take the kids to the park? Hmmmm...

TheOnlyColditz · 13/02/2017 22:29

he's not. He's being given approval because he is an adult like every other goddamn parent, and deserves to be treated as such. I am not a father, I'm a mother and I would be very upset at this level of interference from my partner

mrshotrod · 13/02/2017 22:32

Ahhhh, you sound like me!!! His view is, 'well, the kids are OK aren't they?!' he says. Which is always entirely true.
We are apparently martyrs for trying to do everything in a day. It's just habit, cos we have to fit so much into such a small window of time. And because we are bloody awesome, obviously, and maybe a bit ocd?!
I do have to bite my tongue on those days cos usually there's some stress going off at work that he's kept quite and is all stressed about, and then if I whinge on about the house, etc I feel like a bit of a shit several hours later,
However, I don't remember when I last sat down and properly read a book when everyone else in the house is awake. DH, does it soon as walks through the door from work book or i pod, with headphones! Drives me nuts, but it's his wind down time. Blokes seem to have homes to relax in, women on the whole don't seem to be able to relax knowing there is mess and jobs to do all around! And it's not as if most of us don't go out to work some days too, and all the other stuff.
It's the ignoring the kids or not just not getting involved and them coming to nag me when I'm trying to get something done/cleaned/cooked/change child that wet herself/etc, that does my head in, 'Please go and ask daddy!!!' 'We can't mummy, he's reading his book/looking at his phone/I pad/resting his eyes etc...' Aghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

holidaysaregreat · 13/02/2017 22:40

YANBU I would find that annoying. It would have been good to take the kids out on bikes in the morning or something & a basic tidy round. Yes kids are v v busy all the time and don't get many quiet days home but maybe a board game or an indoor den would have been better than a whole day on tablets.
However loads of people on here will say it is a great way to spend the day & that it is fine to be lazy and do no housework.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 13/02/2017 22:51

Not going to the park until your 4yo has managed to worn you down, not so good

Only in that you shouldn't do anything at all because your 4 year old has "worn you down". Who's in charge of who?

bumsexatthebingo · 13/02/2017 22:51

If it's typical then yanbu but if it's a one off then I think everyone has lazy days sometimes.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 13/02/2017 22:51

If this was a woman doing that, the answers would be very different

Nope, exactly the same.

MuvaWifey77 · 13/02/2017 22:55

In my opinion (I'm South American so people have in the past found my views in parenting quiet extreme compared to Europeans) I think you are absolutely right. You woke up early to leave for work and he is at home, he should have gotten up, got the kids ready, made them breakfast , took them out and bought dinner to cook if not any at home, made dinner and waited so you could both share the happenings of day at the table. And unlike other ladies think here, hoovering and tidying might not be parenting but it is looking after the house and kids and it shouldn't be for you to this after working , household chores have to divided if both work but if he's at home he must do his bit. You have every right. I keep my DP very atentive that if he doesn't help I won't either, never had to go there, but if needed I will flip the house and show him I'm no ones maid.
Sorry long text.. :)

MuvaWifey77 · 13/02/2017 22:57

Ps:. Not typical men. Men, when you enforce your rules , they will bend.

Sallystyle · 13/02/2017 22:59

If this was a woman doing that, the answers would be very different.

Not from me.

Having a lazy day yes. Not going to the park until your 4yo has managed to worn you down, not so good.

My children had to learn that they can't always get what they want. Why is a 4 year old wearing a parent down?

He would be called an abusive control freak, most likely.

Ohdearducks · 13/02/2017 23:02

Wouldn't bother me but I wouldn't do all the cleaning up, he'd be bloody doing his bit.

Ohdearducks · 13/02/2017 23:02

Kids too

Teepish · 13/02/2017 23:03

What I got from the OP was that her dp didn't really engage with the kids, he gave his phone more attention, then took them out for an hour sort of under duress.
Then after all that he didn't have the consideration to tidy up after them, or ask them to help tidy up.
Its more than laziness really.

Teepish · 13/02/2017 23:06

Op did you ring the house twice to check up on him because he has form for ignoring the kids and letting you clean up mess?
Yanbu.

jamdonut · 13/02/2017 23:06

Yep it's lazy.
It's what I would do and have done.
All 3 children have achieved adult hood ( well, youngest, nearly 17) unscathed and achieving well.
DH would do ( and did) similar if in charge.
What is the problem , actually?
Housework is not the be all and end all.
It gets done... eventually, by one or both of us.
We both work...We both need time to do our own thing, as do/did the kids.
Occasionally we make plans and go out as a family, and enjoy it as a treat , not as an expected, boredom-buster.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 13/02/2017 23:09

DP was lazy. Having kids doesn't stop because you have a day off. May as well stick them on screens every Saturday? It's just the park. He could have sat on his bum there instead.

Personally I wouldn't mind a messy house if DP were too busy having fun with kids, but if they're entertaining themselves and he's just looking on his phone all day (except for providing a messy lunch) then that's ridiculous.

YANBU OP.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread