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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Lads holiday 8 weeks after giving birth'

180 replies

Beesandbutterflies327 · 13/02/2017 14:29

My boyfriend wants to go away with his mates to a festival (getting wasted and drugged up in a field😡) 6/7 weeks after I've given birth to my (he has another child aged 1) first child, he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do (I never have and never would) he's almost 30 but acting like a 20 year old AIBU should I just let him go? I just feel like when you have kids you have family holidays until your kids are older, we really couldn't afford 2/3 different holidays a year

OP posts:
BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 13/02/2017 16:52

Irrespective of whether or not he is father material I don't see the problem with him going away.

DH went away for a weekend with his friends (motor racing event in France) when our first was five weeks old! I honestly don't see any issue with it.

Kiroro · 13/02/2017 16:54

Sigh sorry but you sound so dense and naive. The ex is a man trap because she has two kids by two men but your partner will have two babies by 2 women so what does that make him?
Couldn't agree more.

User123456789111222 · 13/02/2017 16:55

I don't see the problem in this and I really don't get why some people are getting at the OP.

Why have a pop at her, she came on here looking for help and some of you just seem to take glee in that, its a young girl asking for help ffs

User123456789111222 · 13/02/2017 16:55

Sigh sorry but some of you sound judgmental nasty pieces of work. Sorry, sigh but that says far more about you than anything the OP has posted, sigh Sorry

anonbecauseiwanna · 13/02/2017 16:56

Op you realise when he leaves you, you'll be a nutter that trapped him with a baby?

He's a childish druggy that would rather get off his face than spend time with his baby and you.

Why why why do woman keep having children with these idiots??

User123456789111222 · 13/02/2017 16:58

It depends if you want to split up with him really Would a person really split up a relationship over a festival? Because their partner wouldn't toe the line and wanted a life?

Oh you young uns have no staying power, no wonder divorce is all time high, it's all about ownership and splitting up when ya don't get your own way

User123456789111222 · 13/02/2017 16:59

Why why why do women spend their days on forums doing down other women? WHY WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

kierenthecommunity · 13/02/2017 16:59

Just as a matter of interest how exactly is he an amazing dad to the one year old? Does he have him/her over for visits?Or visit them at psycho ex's place? Does he provide financially? I'm genuinely interested Smile

User123456789111222 · 13/02/2017 17:00

I'm genuinely interested

ROFL

User123456789111222 · 13/02/2017 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BlondeBecky1983 · 13/02/2017 17:04

He sounds like an irresponsible arse.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/02/2017 17:04

The more I think about it, the more pissed-off I am about him saying it is @Beesandbutterflies327's responsibility to do all the child care, day and night, while he swans in to 'help' with the easy bits and criticise her for how she's doing the rest.

This may come over as smug, but it is not intended to. It is intended to give the OP some idea what a good partner and father really does.

My dh was totally involved with our children from the word go. He changed nappies, bathed them, fed them (once I stopped breastfeeding), played with them, rocked them to sleep - all the things that I did, he could, and did do too. He was at work 8-6, Monday to Friday, but once he came home, he was completely involved.

As they got older, he'd take them out on his own - to the park, the supermarket, into London to the museum. He got up at nights to deal with wet beds, vomiting children, bad dreams, just as much as I did.

Add to that, he cared for me too. I had post natal depression after each of the three boys was born (secondary to then-undiagnosed clinical depression), and sometimes I just couldn't cope with things - I still have depression, and still struggle sometimes, and he does lots around the house, as well as holding down a very demanding job.

I look back at just how much he did with the boys - and I didn't have to tell him he should be involved - he wanted to be a good dad - and I am so grateful. More than that, I believe that he has a good relationship with the boys now (they are 19, 21 and 23), because he put in the hard work when they were little.

A good dad wants to do all the bits, not just the easy ones - and he supports and cares for his partner, the mother of his child.

This man abandoned one woman with a small child and has moved on to the OP pretty quickly. He isn't supporting his child's mother, even though they are no longer together - in fact he doesn't have a good word to say for her. He has no intention of being a hands-on dad - he just wants the fun bits, and even the fun bits aren't allowed to interfere with HIS fun (the festival).

I feel sorry for the OP and her baby. I agree with other posters that, in a year or so, he will have abandoned the OP and will be moving on to another gullible woman - and the OP will be painted as his 'psycho ex'. Sad

pictish · 13/02/2017 17:05

He's an amazing dad is he? Ha ha ha.
And the ex is, of course, a man-trapping psycho. Ha ha ha.

Whatever love. Good luck with Mr Amazing Dad with the psycho ex. You will need it.

Trifleorbust · 13/02/2017 17:06

User123456789111222/

Erm. What? I don't know what you are doing here but I am not 'jobless' Confused

And if I was jobless, I would still tell her he sounds like a grade A lemon, and she sounds like she has a lot of growing to do.

Hatemylifenow · 13/02/2017 17:08

lol welcome to mumsnet user my love.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/02/2017 17:08

User - RTFT, dear. We are not 'doing down' the OP - we are telling her that her dp is a total arse who has abandoned one child and that child's mum, and is spinning her a load of total bollocks about his psycho ex trapping men by having babies.

We are definitely 'doing down' her waste-of-space, dead beat partner.

It really isn't that hard to understand - if you try.

Dashper · 13/02/2017 17:08

User it's not just about him going to a festival. It's more to do with the fact that he's already said he doesn't expect his life to change at all despite the fact they both chose to keep the baby. Of course your life changes when you become a parent.
Don't assume all posters are women. And no staying power eh? I must tell my DP of 19 years Grin

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 13/02/2017 17:08

Yes, amazing dads often leave their one year old children and have another child with somebody else straight after.

In a normal relationship, either parent going away leaving the other one to care is fine as both are equal.

In this instance, with his backstory and the drugs id be taking the opportunity to change the locks and see a solicitor.

pictish · 13/02/2017 17:09

And I mean that btw - good luck.
It won't be long before you are the psycho ex who trapped him with a baby but not to worry...all the baby care is your job anyway... he said so and he would know because he's an amazing dad.

I am so sorry to drip sarcasm...I can''t actually help myself. He's such a cliche it's unbearable.

pipsqueak25 · 13/02/2017 17:09

user123456789 whatever the fuck your name is, so you are a 'jobless woman' - get back under your bridge.

DoIDareDisturbTheUniverse · 13/02/2017 17:10

Whenever I see posts like this, be it here or Facebook, I just want to scream 'open your eyes' and show these women a fast forward of how good their lives will be a year from now if they drop this loser sooner rather than later. I was you once, OP, with a boatload of abuse - physical and emotional - shoved on top, and whilst it took me 18 months to leave for good with DS, my life improved absolutely no end once we'd left him. He will never change. He is not an amazing dad. And when he moves on, you too will be the psycho ex who tried to trap him. You are worth so, so much more than this.

DesolateWaist · 13/02/2017 17:11

Sigh sorry but some of you sound judgmental nasty pieces of work. Sorry, sigh but that says far more about you than anything the OP has posted, sigh Sorry

Gosh that is a lot of sighing there user. Do you struggle with asthma or do you just need to lay off the fags?

also, get a proper bloody user name

pipsqueak25 · 13/02/2017 17:12

may be user is a 'jobless man', as that was a bit of a knob comment they made. Grin

kierenthecommunity · 13/02/2017 17:13

Yeah I am genuinely interested. Not sure what I said that was so hilarious Hmm

As I'm interested to see what he does for one child that makes him so amazing so the OP can see what he has to live up to. And possibly gauge her expectations

5moreminutes · 13/02/2017 17:14

User are you having fun?

Divorces are not at an all time high btw, they are at a lower rate than in 2002.

Nobody with a grade of empathy for their fellow women would encourage a pregnant woman to stay with a "man" who told her caring for the baby was her job "in the nights and in the days", who left his ex while she was pregnant and promptly got his next squeeze pregnant too, telling her he'd given up drugs now he was with her (but not while expecting his first baby a few weeks earlier), yet then announced he was off to take drugs again once his next baby was a few weeks old and would do what he liked and she couldn't tell him what to do.

Nobody is kicking the OP, they are gently trying to shake her awake. Only the feckless sperm donor is getting a metaphorical kicking.

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