'Lads holiday 8 weeks after giving birth'

[Beesandbutterflies327]

My boyfriend wants to go away with his mates to a festival (getting wasted and drugged up in a field😡) 6/7 weeks after I've given birth to my (he has another child aged 1) first child, he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do (I never have and never would) he's almost 30 but acting like a 20 year old AIBU should I just let him go? I just feel like when you have kids you have family holidays until your kids are older, we really couldn't afford 2/3 different holidays a year

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@Writerwannabe83 and @Hellmouth are right - it's not the festival specifically that's the problem - that is just a major symptom of his overall attitude towards parenting and towards supporting you, OP.

I don't know if you are still reading this - but if you are, I hope you can take this one message from this - you deserve FAR better treatment than your partner is planning to give you.

[Hellmouth]

There was a festival my DP wanted to go to just before I was due. He chose not to go but I would have let him go anyway. My main issue with your post isn't the festival, it's his attitude towards parenting. It sounds like he's going to be useless and leave you to do everything.

[Writerwannabe83]

If my DH wanted to go to a festival for a few days about 6/7 weeks after having a newborn I really wouldn't mind but that's because he's brilliant and a fantastic dad. We never stop each other doing anything.

However - in your situation it's clear that your DP just doesn't give a crap and I think this is setting the precedent for how your relationship is going to be.

And I can't believe what you said about his Ex trapping men with babies because she has two children by two different men seeing as your DP has two children by two different women only 2 years apart.

As another poster said, you'll be the next psycho ex who trapped him that he'll be morning about to the next woman he makes baby number 3 with.

See him for what he is OP because he isn't a good man, he definitely isn't a good partner and he isn't a good father.

Its funny how all these poor men have psycho ex's.....

[Trifleorbust]

DoloresTheRunawayTrain:

[Jaagojaago]

Fishy smells.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

Some things just look inevitable. One of them is that he will probably leave you at some point to knock up another woman, and both of them will call you the psycho ex. If you're really unlucky you'll fall for another bloke who is 'normally' lovely as most people are in the first months of a relationship - until you have his child - and then you'll be tagged as someone who likes to trap men with babies. You won't realize how easy it is to fall into that trap until you find yourself in it.

Stop worrying about his ex. And if you can, step out of the chorus of 'isn't she awful?' You may be about to find out how hard it is to raise a child on your own.

I hope I'm wrong about your partner, but you yourself admit that it doesn't look good. I wish you the best x

[pipsqueak25]

what is your take on this op ?

[DoloresTheRunawayTrain]

I just got the smelly sock reference. You put eyes on them and place them on your hands don't you?

[Miserylovescompany2]

Do you think he'll get all the way through this pregnancy without bolting? Then inpregnate No.3?

Being a father already has done didly squat to his priority system...he's still the star of the "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME SHOW!"

Maybe you'll realise that OP when you are doing the single parent bit just like the one who came before you.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

You do realise that you are the 'psycho ex' when he impregnates woman no 3? What with your high expectations an all.

^ this.

[Crunchymum]

Oh well given he is such an amazing dad and the ex is a psycho bitch from Hell then of course you should let him go on his jollies.



Look OP you have been told almost unanimously that this guy is not up to task. Do something about it now. It's much harder when baby actually arrives

[HerOtherHalf]

You can't really stop him going can you? You can however use the fact that he wants to go as a guide to the sort of man he is and whether you want to rely on him for the future. It's a pity you didn't figure him out before you got pregnant to him but what's done is done. Your partner is, I'm afraid, a selfish, immature prat and you'd almost certainly be better off without him. Time to start figuring out how to get on without him I would suggest.

For the record, I am a dad several times over. I would never have dreamed of going away anywhere so soon after the birth of any of my children, not even for the trip of a lifetime. I wouldn't even have considered it, far less asked for permission. I wanted to be there to support my child's exhausted mother and get whatever time I could with my beautiful new baby.

[Hatemylifenow]

Op is long gone.

[RortyCrankle]

It's so bloody depressing, another baby born with a useless arsehole for a father who describes his ex as a bloody psycho. Well that's new isn't it, none of these useless pathetic excuses for men ever slagged off their ex before and called them names, except ALL of them do it. And when you split up OP, as you undoubtedly will you will be the one he describes to his next victim as a 'bloody psycho' and she will believe him, just like you believe him, until its her turn. FFS open your eyes.

[EllaHen]

Actually, it is the ready acceptance that another woman is a 'psycho ex' that is far more harmful to women than those of us here who wish the op to open her eyes.

And the more we shout that the behaviour of such men is unacceptable, the more we can have it accepted that we do not tolerate it. Well, that is the hope anyway.

[Hatemylifenow]

trifle

Yes.

[lemureyes]

Quite frankly this is disgusting behaviour! He is a father for goodness sake! The odd night out with mates to have a little escapism is fine but not a weekend of it!

He really needs to grow up and set you and his children as a priority!

I have to say I would not tolerate any of this! I have been training my husband since day 1 in what's appropriate for a family etc. Am verging on getting him to ask 'how high?' when I tell him to jump (sorry, wanted to inject a little humour).

You probably shouldn't have let him get away with some things before this because now it's going to be like he is going 'cold turkey' and missing out on all the fun.

[MTB1003]

Honestly op, you are such a fool. It must have been so easy to feed you these stories as you are parroting them off like a cliche. Typical language, 'psycho ex', 'amazing father' yet his actions are otherwise. Wake up!! You walked right into that ones

[kingpin20]

Does not sounds like an ideal scenario, but you are pregnant and I am assuming happy about that, so all you can do really is tell him how you feel. Make it clear that you don't think you will be ready to cope on your own at that time and ask he forget the festival just in case.

Does sound like maybe he hasn't quite given up the drugs/single lifestyle though, and if hes willing to take them at a festival he might be willing to start taking them again when things start to get rocky. And believe me, there will be rocky times ahead with a new baby especially with a bloke who doesn't quite seem to get what his priorities are.

I would talk to him, but also start making a few contingency plans just in case he goes back to his old ways once the baby arrives and he finds he can't (won't) deal with the responsibility.

[EurusHolmesViolin]

Your instincts are correct OP. Listen to them. He's a wrong un.

[magoria]

You need to make up your mind is he an amazing dad or a man who says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining

I can't see any amazing dad in the second to be honest.

[OhhBetty]

pipsqueak25 I didn't mean it literally. I just meant I would hope he fucks off somewhere else. The op will be much better off without him. So sorry that wasn't clear, it's very difficult to convey tone etc over the internet which I can forget!

[pipsqueak25]

trifle what are you saying ? sorry i'm dim, is this is a secret mn code sort of thing

[pipsqueak25]

ohh go and hope he impregnates someone else ? wtf ? why should i pay taxes so this scum can father kids left right and centre and buy his drugs with benefits if he's on them ? i'd be hoping the drugs got him first if op was my dd.
i feel so sorry for you op i really do, just get away from this idiot, have your baby and do something positive with your life that doesn't involve him, far better to be a strong woman, a single mother and a positive role model to your child.