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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Lads holiday 8 weeks after giving birth'

180 replies

Beesandbutterflies327 · 13/02/2017 14:29

My boyfriend wants to go away with his mates to a festival (getting wasted and drugged up in a field😡) 6/7 weeks after I've given birth to my (he has another child aged 1) first child, he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do (I never have and never would) he's almost 30 but acting like a 20 year old AIBU should I just let him go? I just feel like when you have kids you have family holidays until your kids are older, we really couldn't afford 2/3 different holidays a year

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/02/2017 16:02

DH actually has an ex with quite serious MH issues. I know because I know her sister. DH didn't talk about it much, when he did he talked with sympathy and respect, and is kind to her when he sees her.

Men who SAY they have 'psycho' exes are saying much more about themselves than they are about the ex.

Mrskeats · 13/02/2017 16:02

Say yes go.
And don't come back either.
It's your job to look after the baby? Isn't it his 'job' to be a Father??
This man is not a family man it seems. Plan accordingly

OwlinaTree · 13/02/2017 16:03

A lot of smug posters on here. Hope you feel pleased with yourselves. OP came on here for advice not to be ripped apart. What's the point of comments like 'I wouldn't have a baby with him' etc?

Op, I'm sorry I don't have great advice for you, but I do think you need to talk to him about how you want to parent this child together. It's fine for one partner to have the occasional night or weekend off. It's not fine for one person to do all the child rearing.

gamerchick · 13/02/2017 16:04

Ah the ex is a psycho type.

At least you'll know what he'll say about you when he moves on.... which he will.

Msqueen33 · 13/02/2017 16:05

What does he say when you tell him you'd rather he didn't go?

I'm surprised two lots of conception failed and also I'd be wary of the crazy ex line unless you've actually meant her. He sounds like a prince. Not!

Hatemylifenow · 13/02/2017 16:05

I would like to point out that he broke up with his ex before baby was born as she was a bloody psycho and likes to try and trap men with babies (she has another kid to another dad)

He told you that, did he? I'm sure you have no reason to doubt him. I mean why would anyone lie about that?

stitchglitched · 13/02/2017 16:08

If he was trapped into fatherhood by his ex you'd think he would be a bit more careful with his sperm than having another unplanned pregnancy so soon. He stopped taking drugs when he met you- so not when his ex got pregnant or his first baby was born then?

This guy has told you that he is going away whether you like it or not, that he will take drugs, that the baby is your responsibility and you still think he is the victim and his ex is evil?

Megatherium · 13/02/2017 16:11

How on earth is his ex trapping men by having babies? Manifestly she hasn't trapped either of the men she has had babies by.

steff13 · 13/02/2017 16:12

How on earth is his ex trapping men by having babies? Manifestly she hasn't trapped either of the men she has had babies by.

I just came to post this same thing. She sucks at trapping men with babies if she has two babies and no men.

EmeraldScorn · 13/02/2017 16:13

He'll be telling the next one that you're a "psycho" and that you "trapped him".... You're being very naive and incredibly foolish if you think he's sticking around for the long haul.

Let him go to the festival, he's eventually going to ditch you anyway so you may as well get used to being a single parent (and in time you'll be happier, stronger and more confident).

I don't mean to sound harsh but I have no respect for men who dump one pregnant girl and then get another pregnant shortly after, he's a self centred prick and any woman could do better!

DixieNormas · 13/02/2017 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 13/02/2017 16:14

A lot of smug posters on here.

Not seeing them. The majority of posts here are wanting a woman to open her eyes to the potential vulnerabilities in her situation and be prepared to protect herself. In other words, not wanting the OP to get hurt.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 13/02/2017 16:16

I am really sorry but he sounds like a complete dick!

Rafflesway · 13/02/2017 16:23

Well I'm so square I'm cubed!

Being an older Mnetter I suppose some of my thoughts would bring out "The 1950's are calling" response Bees but seriously, any man who states that childcare is your responsibility 24 hrs per day is NOT a good parent.

Also, flame me if you like, but I don't think a doting dad would want to leave a nearly newborn for several days unless absolutely necessary, e.g. Due to work demands for instance.

I do hope this man is financially supporting his 1 yr old and will also be supporting your newborn too. My advice - I don't envisage a bright future for the three of you I'm afraid . I would be inclined to end it now and see how much he REALLY wants you and your baby.

Mrskeats · 13/02/2017 16:27

I'm not smug
Just wiser and older that's all.

pipsqueak25 · 13/02/2017 16:27

you don't need telling that having a baby with this guy wasn't a good idea, be prepared to be a single mum in the future, it's already happened to another woman. mner are a judgy bunch when the need arises and sometimes with very good cause. i'd be very concerned for you and and lo if you were my dd, and want you away from the scum bag.

DesolateWaist · 13/02/2017 16:30

Oh op. I'm sorry you are having such a bashing on here. People saying 'why are you having a baby with him' aren't helping much. You are and that cannot be changed. Also we are passing judgement on this man and your relationship based on a couple of posts.

However this should be a massive indication of his intention towards you and the baby in the future. He has made it clear that raising a child is wife work and not something he should be bothered with.

I hope this has helped you see that this is not normal. Please think very hard about continuing this relationship.

pipsqueak25 · 13/02/2017 16:30

owlina hardly being smug, because that would mean being quietly pleased for the op's situation which we aren't, to the contrary i'd be worried for her

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 13/02/2017 16:32

I would say he sounds like a child but even my 12yo DS has more of an idea than him. What a twonk.

seafoodeatit · 13/02/2017 16:33

I don't have any respect for any man that says he was 'trapped' into having a baby, was she poking holes in condoms? I would probably act like a psycho too if the father of my child was behaving like he was trapped and that the child was a liability.

Is it because it's 8 weeks that's the problem? would it be okay at other times? I would not be okay with dh going off to do drugs and get drunk in a field like a teenager at any point in our relationship.

BeIIatrixLeStrange · 13/02/2017 16:34

Hmm I don't know. It is bad timing I see that, but if it were me, I wouldn't take this personally - I wouldn't call this a 'lads holiday' - festivals are generally a couple of nights really aren't they

Id let him go, and expect the same respect in return. If you stop him going, it is setting a precedent for how you expect to be treated

expatinscotland · 13/02/2017 16:38

Holy hell! I wouldn't touch a man who had a young baby with a ten-foot-barge pole, much less procreate with him. What is it with women whose self esteem is so low they'd give a creature like this man the time of day, much less consider him an 'amazing dad' or believe his bullshit about his 'psycho ex' who 'traps men' when he's fathered two kids by two different women in the space of two years. Yuk. His holiday is the least of your problems.

mistermagpie · 13/02/2017 16:44

Ah, the good old 'psycho ex' eh? You do know ex is hardly ever actually a 'psycho' right? She's just you arfter putting up with his rubbish for a few more months and years.

PeggyMitchell123 · 13/02/2017 16:45

Sigh sorry but you sound so dense and naive. The ex is a man trap because she has two kids by two men but your partner will have two babies by 2 women so what does that make him?

Also he is a amazing dad and partner, really? Because your posts suggest otherwise Yep amazing dads leave the whole responsibility of babies with the mums. See sense quickly, he sounds a tosser.

Dashper · 13/02/2017 16:50

It depends if you want to split up with him really.
Just letting him go will doubtless result in him doing whatever the hell he likes for the rest of your relationship.
Calmly explaining to him why you have chosen to BF and the other parenting responsibilities that you will need him around for when you BOTH have a tiny baby will (by the sound of it) result in him walking away.
Best of luck OP.

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