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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

'Lads holiday 8 weeks after giving birth'

180 replies

Beesandbutterflies327 · 13/02/2017 14:29

My boyfriend wants to go away with his mates to a festival (getting wasted and drugged up in a field😡) 6/7 weeks after I've given birth to my (he has another child aged 1) first child, he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do (I never have and never would) he's almost 30 but acting like a 20 year old AIBU should I just let him go? I just feel like when you have kids you have family holidays until your kids are older, we really couldn't afford 2/3 different holidays a year

OP posts:

piefacerecords · 13/02/2017 14:50

Yes I would let him go OP and hope he never comes back

Crunchymum · 13/02/2017 14:51

To be fair the OP hasn't said he is a druggie, just that he will take drugs at this festival.

I know many respectable, professional, responsible adults who get a bit 'druggie' at festivals.

Although I'm pretty sure I am flogging a dead horse with this stance on it all.

(I have already said up thread he is a feckless man child who likes to impregnate women!)

CoolCarrie · 13/02/2017 14:51

Yep, another square to add to the increasing list...!

MrWriter · 13/02/2017 14:52

Let him go and change all the locks while he's away.

TroubleinDaFamily · 13/02/2017 14:52

Your urine is being extracted.

2014newme · 13/02/2017 14:54

Crunchymum did they take drugs in a field when they had an 8 week old baby and a one year old baby with a different babymama at home?

TisMeTheLadFromTheBar · 13/02/2017 14:54

Totally not on. Yanbu. No excuses acceptable. He can go some other time.

piefacerecords · 13/02/2017 14:54

Sorry if I sounded a bit harsh OP but there are so many red flags all over your OP I wouldn't know where to start.

I would stop worrying about the 'problem' of the upcoming festival and think more about planning a life for your and your baby without him. I can't imagine a happy ending with him, I'm afraid.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 13/02/2017 14:55

Why are you with this tosser?

Frillyhorseyknickers · 13/02/2017 14:58

You get what you settle for - if that is some loser who wants to get smacked off his tits on ket in a field with his buddies whilst his new baby and the mother of his child struggle along at home, so be it.

The guy is a man child.

Boppity · 13/02/2017 14:58

Tbh i think why not?

8wk old is fine to manage alone for one weekend, no big drama

You only have one child - my friend in RaF has 3 under 6 and copes while DH away for tours 6m at a time

My husband is in TA and we trade weekends. So arrange for a night out when baby is 4m. If u can express BM, a weekend away with your friends. Or just staying at their house and go to a club or something

Think some of these responses are a bit OTT! I was 25 when had 1st & both of us went on loads of hen stag 25th/ 30th birthdays or whatever. Life goes on.

Just has to be reciprocal that's the rule!

Londonsburningahhhh · 13/02/2017 14:59

Tell him to leave and never return my goodness he sounds like a nightmare. Its not on at all and you and baby deserve better. He already had 1 child does he see his other child. I don't think you've judged this man very well he sounds like a man child who can't sit still.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/02/2017 14:59

"he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes"
When you both chose to have this baby - did you discuss the future? Who would do what, who would be responsible for what? What life-changes you would need to make?

What involvement in the life of his one-year-old does he have?

Devilishpyjamas · 13/02/2017 15:00

Un his history suggests he's not going to be responsible for this child in any shape or form. (1 year old? Really?)

Someone needs to take responsibility for the baby - so I suggest you accept that will be you the responsible parent and boot him out. Time to grow up I'm afraid.

5moreminutes · 13/02/2017 15:01

Absolutely obvious that, as others have said, you let him go asap in every sense of the term and don't let him come back!

Getting someone else pregnant when his first child is only 1? Saying looking after the baby is your job alone?

He's not acting like a 20 year old nor even a 15 year old with an average conscience, he's acting like a cock lodging wanker with no redeeming qualities.

Spam88 · 13/02/2017 15:02

I think the issue of whether it's possible for one parent to look after the baby alone at 8 weeks is irrelevant, the point is that you don't feel comfortable with it and have asked him not to go and he doesn't seem to give a crap about supporting you. Out of interest, if it's your responsibility to look after the baby during the days and the nights, when is he planning on contributing to the whole parenting thing..?

Also adding myself to the square list...

Underthemoonlight · 13/02/2017 15:02

I never understand how a woman can get with someone who has a young baby to someone else having been the one left holding the baby . He sounds like a loser and certainly not parent material my ex was very much like this going out partying and doing drugs was a while before he bucked his ideas but he got there and finally he a relationship with ds.

MaisyPops · 13/02/2017 15:02

If he was an otherwise supportive partner and dad to be then Id say the festival is no big deal. Poor timing but fair do.

BUT, his attitude to it, and to you and thr fact he has a 1 year old (so thats 2 kids with different women in under 2 years) doesnt fill me with hope. He sounds like a waste of space and overgrown child.

5moreminutes · 13/02/2017 15:04

Boppity him wanting to go away for a weekend is incidental - have you actually read the post?

he seems to think this is his right and I could go away but I've 'chosen' to breastfeed therefore it's my fault that I can't go out without the baby, I feel like he's acting like a man with no responsibilities as he says it's my job to look after the baby during the days and the nights and I feel like he's just going to come and help at the easy parts then tell me it's easy and why am I complaining, he chose to have this baby with me so why do I feel like all the responsibility is on me and he can go out doing what ever he likes, when I speak to him about it then he says he can do what he wants and I can't tell him what to do

lurkingfromhome · 13/02/2017 15:08

Gosh, he sounds quite the catch. Kick this manchild to the kerb before you end up being effectively a single parent to two children. You sound perfectly capable of bringing up your child alone.

Londonsburningahhhh · 13/02/2017 15:08

Boppity the difference is that the Op has expressed her concern about her partner not stepping up to the plate. Going away having fun while she looks after baby because its her fault that she wants to breast feed. That doesn't sound like a supportive partner. When my partner went away it was to work not to dick around. The Op will probably cope fine on her own but she is already feeling resentful she wants family to be first and he wants to do what he wants to do. That doesn't sound like someone ready for a family.

DizzyFizzyLizzy · 13/02/2017 15:11

Oh well. Procreate with a druggy waster I'm not sure what else you should expect 😕 not much sympathy tbh.

diddl · 13/02/2017 15:13

Yeah-couple of days/nights away maybe not an issue.

But-hello fellow squares!!

The fact that he thinks baby is not his responsibility at all though-still, he's already walked out on one by the sounds of things.

Chloe84 · 13/02/2017 15:15

Also wondering why you chose to have a baby with a manchild who already had a baby a few months old?

But yes, I think you'd do better without him.

witsender · 13/02/2017 15:16

Let him go. Just don't let him come back.

In fact, even if he decides not to go he sounds like a loser you'd be better off without.

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